


The Desolation of all we Hold Dear

by Lass_Kicker



Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Anger, Angst, Betrayal, Broken Engagement, Cheating, F/M, Feuding, I Hate You I Love You au, Infidelity, Pregnancy, Regret, Resentment, Unplanned Pregnancy, au piece
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2020-05-15 11:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 73,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19294816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lass_Kicker/pseuds/Lass_Kicker
Summary: This is an au of my piece "I Hate You I Love You" That I could not shake off, so I made this for it instead. It is in no way in keeping with anything that will happen in the future of the main piece, it literally is just the characters.Tom fucks up, royally fucks up. The upcoming wedding gives him some cold feet and he makes a terrible decision regarding it, leading to everything he built with Danielle being obliterated. One slip up affects the whole life they would have had together, which only becomes more complicated when Danielle realises that as well as trying to drag herself back from the betrayal of Toms actions, making her never want to lay eyes on him again, she is also pregnant with their baby. She is left to decide if she wants to be tied to the man who did something so cruel to her for the rest of her life, and the consequences when he realises the same.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This broke my heart, I literally got a horrible feeling in my gut writing the first part of this, I really did.

Danielle rubbed her eyes. It was early in the morning but she had woken with the sound of one of the rubbish trucks coming through the street to deal with the waste produced in their busy affluent London suburb. She checked her phone and smiled. Tom was due back today after a few days in the US again, so with her excitement at that, she got out of bed and sent him a message before immediately deciding to call him instead. The phone rang out, so she gave it a moment before trying again. She knew he was in the airport, waiting to come back on the red eye. When the phone picked up after the fifth ring the second time, she smiled. “Hey, Handsome.”

“Elle, hi.” 

Danielle inhales sadly. “I take it you’ve been caught for another night?” 

 

“I have, Darling.” 

“Will you be home tomorrow?”

“I will be on the first available flight.” He promised. 

“I miss you terribly, you know.”

“I miss you too.” 

Danielle clicked on the option for video call. Tom took a few moments to click accept and when he did, he was shirtless and sitting on the couch of his hotel room. “Sorry, just wanted to see you.”

“I’m not much to see at this hour.” 

“I very much would contest that.” Danielle smiled, noting the creases on his skin by his eyes, telling him ageing and his weariness. “When you come home, I think we should spend a day or two doing nothing.” 

“I think you are onto something with that, but sadly, I have the play to rehearse for, remember?”

“Poo.” Tom chuckled. “I guess I will have to just steal time with you around that.”

“I guess you will.” 

Danielle was about to jest some more, loving how even exhausted, Tom gave her his best attempt at a smile when something caught her attention in the mirror behind him, a reflection of a half-dressed woman, leaning against the door frame in an enticing manner. “Darling, I better get some sleep here, I will contact you in the morning with my arrival time, alright?” Danielle tried to respond, but no sound came out, all she could muster was a head nod. “Love you, Darling.” Danielle could not muster a response before the line went dead and the picture she had of Tom and the dogs that she had taken in their time at the coast the previous summer, where unbeknownst to her, he had planned his asking her to marry him, looked at back her. She had always loved that picture. She was not one to put personal pictures as screensavers, but she could not help it with that, she loved it too much. Looking at it now, she felt her heart pound in her ears and her stomach sink. Everything she thought they had, everything she had built with Tom, was gone. She looked around the room, looking at the things that had been done to make it more their home than just Tom’s. She got out a notepad, looking heartbrokenly at the items in the list that was using the first page, the list of addresses she had acquired for Tom’s industry friends to send their invites. Swallowing sadly, she tore out that page and started making a new list on the back of it, looking around the room to add to it as she went. 

*

Tom rubbed his hands over his face. What had he been thinking? Danielle’s phone call literally could not have been more importantly timed if it had been planned. He had never planned to do such a thing, he baulked at the idea of it. But the Ace Comic-Con had been tiring, he had spent hours meeting people and when the question’s time came and they began to ask about the wedding, people had asked about it all day, then some people making comments on how he would be tied down as a result of marriage, it led to him have a whiskey, then more before making a terrible decision and going back to a hotel room with some woman. They had been in the processing of undressing when Danielle rang, the ringtone he kept for her piercing through his clouded mind and forcing him to realise what he was doing. Speaking to her, seeing her understanding and loving face when he had so terribly lied and stated he was delayed, it hit him with the intensity of a tonne of bricks. As soon as she got off the phone, he grabbed his clothes and went to find a cab to the airport. 

Now he was in the back of a cab from Heathrow to their home. He was going to use her work hours to sort the house a little, make it nice, cook something for them and make it up to her. He knew he could not confess his actions, she would leave immediately and never forgive him, and she would have every right to do it. He did not want to lose her. She was everything he ever wanted, he just forgot that for a foggy ten minutes. He loved her, and he would never allow that to happen again. 

When the cab came to their home, he was startled to see her car in the drive, the boot open and it somewhat full. He was certain she said she had to go to the office today for some meeting. He paid the cab driver, got his case from the boot and walked over to the car, noting that her grandparent’s clock was in it. Frowning, he noticed a dark shape contrast against the light colour of the hallway and looked up. His heart ceased beating at that moment, he was sure of it. The look she was giving him told him everything. Heartache, pain, even in all of it, he even was somewhat sure there was a glint of hatred in there.

Danielle looked down at him. She had not thought he would be back so soon, she thought she had another few hours at least. Her breathing was shallow and rapid and not because she was lugging a box of books. She put her head down, looked at the steps she had to take in front of her and ignored him as she placed the box in the car. 

Tom saw the titles, her favourite books. The first ones to make their way into his home. “Elle…” She said nothing and walked back inside. He followed after. “Elle, please.” 

“You don’t get to call me that, you never get to call me that again.” She stated, her eyes filled with tears. “You promised. You promised if this wasn’t working that you would tell me, that we would not resort to this.”

“It is working. I want this.”

“Clearly.” She scoffed.

“Elle.” She fixed him an angry glare. “Danielle, I want you.”

“You have a damn funny way of showing it, hiding women in your room as you talk to me on the phone.” Tom frowned. He had thought it had been some leak by the woman or some online article. “Yeah, a bit of advice for the next dumb bitch you convince to go out with you, don’t have your side piece turn up in a mirror behind you.” She snapped, walking past him. 

Tom bit his lips together as he realised why Danielle did not tell him she loved him back when they were ending the call, his declaration of love was just another slap across the face to her when she had only rung him to tell him she was looking forward to him coming home and to see where he was. “I’m so sorry.” He could barely push out the words, they were broken as tears filled his eyes. 

“Sorry you did it, or sorry you got caught?”

“I didn’t do anything, we didn’t sleep together.”

“So I interrupted your fun, is that it?” The look on his face said that yes, that was what happened. “So because you didn’t fuck her, it doesn’t matter, does it?”

“No, no it does.”

“Did you kiss her, touch her in that way that tells someone you want more?” Danielle didn’t really want the answers to those questions, though she knew the answer already.

“Yes.” His voice was filled with his shame.

“If I had not had rang, would it have gone further?”

“Most likely.” He conceded, hating himself for what was happening. 

“Then it is still an utter betrayal. My trust is broken.”

“I’m so sorry.” 

“Sorry doesn’t fix this, Tom. Nothing does.” She looked at him, seeing his upset, that only fueled the anger in her at his betrayal. “I thought you loved me.”

“I do.”

“No, you can’t, you can’t love someone and do this to them.” She looked at her hand and felt as though she took another blow to the ribs as she looked at the engagement ring. She had never known happiness like she did when he got down on one knee and pulled out the ring, but now, she was certain she had never known such heartache. Her mother’s diagnosis and decline of health, that broke her heart, but cancer happens, no one can help that, you can only fight it if it strikes and hope that you are lucky. Her mother had not been, but they were able to make the best of what they had. Her father’s death was less of a blow in many ways as Bridget and Mattie Hughes were such a pair, it was not too shocking when he followed soon after. This, this shook her because it was something she never even considered. She knew as she aged that her parents weren’t getting any younger, she was born to a woman in her late forties and a man in his fifties, she knew she would be at risk of losing them while she was still young. She never thought the man that she was doing a marriage course with only two weeks ago would not last one weekend without someone in his bed. 

She had started to blame herself. Listing reasons why he would do such a thing, but she had to remember she always gave the option of an out, no matter how much it would hurt her, she always told him to be honest and she would respect that. She did not look at him as she took the ring off her finger, immediately her hand felt a thousand times lighter, yet so very wrong at the same time. Holding out the ring, she waited for him to take it. 

“No.” 

“It’s your family heirloom, it stays with the Hiddleston’s and I most certainly have never wanted something less in my life. Take it, or I will just drop it on the ground.” Tom extended his hand and she all but threw it at him before walking past him and to the front door. “I will arrange something for the dogs soon. I don’t know how we will arrange it, but we’ll figure something out.” 

“Danielle…” Tom tried pleading again, but she didn’t turn around, she didn’t even glance back as she walked down the steps and to the car, getting in, revving the engine and driving off. 

Tom stared at the car until it went around the street corner and out of sight. He could not catch his breath. He ruined everything. 

*

Danielle did not get far. She shook as she drove through the streets of London, feeling incredibly lost and alone. She went to the one place she could think of, grateful that the space on the side of the building that could house a car was free and got out, all but banging on the door. 

When Becky answered, she was finishing putting on her makeup to go into her office for a while. The last thing she thought she would see was a heartbroken Danielle looking back at her. “Elle, what…?” As soon as she said Danielle’s name, Danielle began to sob. “Nacelle, come, quick.” 

Nacelle had been in her workroom, sorting her makeup kits as she was due on the set of a West End show that evening and she needed to make sure she had everything she needed. Hearing her wife call her and hearing the most peculiar sound with it, she rushed down the stairs. When she saw Danielle, barely standing and crying like someone who had just lost everything she held dear, she all but jumped down the stairs to her. “Elle?”

“He...Tom…”

“What, is he okay? Is he hurt? What happened?”

“He...she...he...”

“She who?”

“I don’t know. Some girl…”

Nacelle and Becky both realised at that moment what Danielle was trying and failing to say. They looked at one another and then to Danielle’s hand, where her engagement ring no longer sat, the small band of lighter skin, the only sign that there was once something there, something she held dear.

*

Tom stared around his home, the grandfather clock and the table in the hallway that had been placed there as a sign of their making a home together was gone. Her books he had made so many jokes about, gone. There was an emptiness to the place, and it screamed at him in the silence. He ruined it all, for a quick thrill which in the end, he never even took part in. But the intent was there, that was enough. She had spoken nothing but the truth there. If it had been the other way around, were he to walk into her office to see her and a man close, touching, even fully dressed, in a manner that was nothing short of glaringly obvious to their intended actions, he would be just as broken, but now it was not important. She had found out and she made her decision. He looked at the dogs, who seemed to know there was something terribly amiss and looked to him as their owner for guidance. All Tom could do was lean against the wall and begin to cry for what he had done.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danielle tries to understand how she failed her relationship whilst things become known to more friends.

“Elle, you need to have something to eat or drink.” Becky encouraged. 

Danielle simply curled up on the couch with Nero, Nacelle and Becky’s cat on her lap, not caring about anything. “I’m fine.”

“The last thing you are is fine. Now, eat something.” Becky all but shoved the tea and toast into Danielle’s hands. 

Nacelle could not cancel her evening’s work, but Becky stood in and took care of Danielle. Between the two women, they arranged for her precious belongings to go into storage and for a van to bring the rest from Tom’s when she was able to go there to get them. That was two days ago, and on day three, Becky was forcing Danielle to try and pull herself together again. “Please, just a little.”

“Thanks, Becks.” 

Elated to see Danielle eating something, Becky nodded. “Any time.” Danielle gave a pathetic attempt at a smile. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I can’t go back to Suffolk. Diana is there and I cannot face her and if he realised I was there, would he come and try and convince me he’s changed or it was a once only thing? Would I give in? But at the same time, I need to sort myself out and get back to work and everything. This is not healthy.” 

“No, it’s not.” Becky agreed. “I can see if I can find you a place to rent?”

“It would only be short term while I’m figuring myself out.” 

“I’ll see what I can do.” Becky smiled. 

*

Ben was apprehensive approaching Tom’s house. All he got from the phone call was Tom was incredibly upset and he needed to see him. The barking of the two dogs told him someone was home. With Danielle's car not there, he assumed she had gone on a small job that neither had made mention of before. He knocked and waited to enter. 

When Tom answered, Ben could not hide the concern on his face. “Tom, what happened to you?”

“Can’t sleep.” 

“What’s wrong?”

“Elle left.” Tom’s voice broke as he said the words he loathed so much to himself. 

“What? What do you mean left? What happened?”

Tom began to cry again. “I messed up. I had the woman of my dreams and I fucked up, Ben. I lost her because of a stupid moment and she is gone.” 

Ben pulled his friend to him, trying and failing to comprehend what was happening, but repeating the words to himself as he tried to figure out what to do. Tom held onto him as though he was holding onto life itself. “Tell me what happened.”

“At Ace-con, I just didn’t think, I went with a woman to her room, and Elle rang and I realised the mistake I was about to make, but Elle saw her in a mirror and when I got back, she had the car packed, she gave me back the ring and left.” Tom sobbed out. “I ruined everything.”

Ben could not believe the words he was hearing. Tom wouldn’t cheat on Danielle, he had to be hearing things. Tom loved her. He was marrying her in five months. He had to be hearing it wrong. “What? No, you wouldn’t do that.”

“I did. And now I lost her.”

Ben stared at him. “Where is she?” Tom looked at him confused. “Elle, where is Elle?”

“I don’t know.” 

Ben took out his phone and rang his wife. “Sophie, I need you to ring Danielle and see if she is somewhere safe. No, she found out Tom was cheating on her and left. Does this sound like a joke? She caught him on FaceTime with another woman in his room and left three days ago. She’s not in contact here and I am worried for her. Don’t even ask where she is, just make sure she is okay. Thank you.” He hung up the phone. “You need to shower.” 

“I don’t want to.”

“I don’t give a fuck if you want to or not, you need to so get up those fucking stairs and get a shower.” Tom did not even flinch but did as he was told. 

Ben stood in the hallway, the silence left from Danielle’s clock being gone seemed incredibly loud as he ran his fingers through his hair, unable to comprehend what he was dealing with. 

*

Danielle stared at her phone. Sophie's name showing who it was trying to contact her. She left it ring out. But Sophie simply pressed redial and began again. Three times it rang out and three times Sophie rang again. On the fourth attempt, Danielle caved in and answered. “I really don't want to talk.”

“Are you safe?” 

That told Danielle that Tom had told Ben the truth. “Yes.”

“Thank God. That's all Ben and I want to know. We were worried about you.” 

“I'm alive.”

“But not fine?”

“No, I'm not.” Danielle didn't even have the energy to lie. 

“Elle.” Sophie's voice told her of the sympathy the other woman had for her. “I'm here if you need me. I don't know where you are, but I'm here.”

“I'm in Camden.”

“With your make-up artist friend?”

“Yes.” 

“Okay. I promise not to tell him. If you need me…”

“Can I visit. I know you're actually Tom's friends but…” Even saying his name was difficult. 

“I'm not his friend, not after this.” The coldness in her tone told Danielle that Sophie truly meant it. “You can come here anytime you like, don't you ever feel you cannot.” 

“Thank you. I need a Kit and Hal cuddle I think.”

“They would happily give it.” Sophie's smile was almost audible. 

“Are you free tomorrow?” 

“All day.” 

“About eleven?”

“I'll have the cake,” Sophie promised. When Danielle said goodbye and hung up, she rang her husband back. “She's safe.”

“Thank goodness. I know she's not someone to do something stupid but I was worried about her.” 

“She's in London, she'll be here tomorrow. So don't say anything to him.”

“I have no intention. She needs time to sort herself.” Ben agreed. “I just can't believe it. I always thought he was above that.”

“Evidently not.” 

Sophie's coldness was not missed by her husband. “No. I will sort this place here and come home then.” 

“Keep me posted.” 

*

Danielle did not leave go of one of the children since she entered the house. She needed physical touch as though it grounded her in some manner. She tried to smile but it was a pale imitation of one. Sophie purposely did not make reference to Tom and for that, Danielle was grateful. They spoke of mundane matters, the boys, her work, Danielle's, they purposely did not reference even Marvel based matters, they simply kept matters light. 

Halfway through the second cup of coffee, Ben returned to the house with some shopping in his hands. Danielle had not asked where he had been for fear the answer included Tom and with Ben saying little on the matter, she suspected it could very well do so. 

“So, how is Camden?” Ben asked, giving her a big hug when they said hello. Danielle looked at Sophie. “I won't say a word, I was just worried about you.”

“It's a tight squeeze and I am completely invading their home. Becky is helping me find a place. I need to be in London for work but finding somewhere ideal is difficult. Anything worth having is costing a lot and I can afford it, I just don't want to pump too much into it. If you get my meaning?”

“Of course.” Sophie nodded. “We can keep an eye out for you too?” 

“Please.” 

“It's wrong that you have to be so badly out of pocket for this,” Ben growled. 

“It is what it is. The house is his. I'm just glad we hadn't bought a house with an extortionate mortgage.” Danielle bit her lips together after she finished speaking and toyed with her cup and spoon. 

“Small graces,” Ben stated, trying to get off the matter. 

Being around the Cumberbatches made Danielle feel both happy to have their company but also upset as Tom and Ben were incredibly close friends and it was impossible to separate thoughts of Tom when talking to Ben and the apologetic look he was giving her showed he knew it. 

When Sophie went to put Hal to bed for a nap, Ben and Danielle say in silence for a moment. 

“It's hard to ignore the elephant in the room, isn't it?” Ben asked. 

“It feels more like a herd of woolly mammoths,” Danielle admitted. “I can't help but wonder what I did wrong.” She didn't know why she was saying this, much less to Ben, part of her hoped Tom had confided in him why he chose to do what he did. 

Ben sat straight up in the chair and looked her in the eye. “Listen to me, Danielle, none of this is your fault. You loved that man with everything, you were perfect, the right level of intelligent, respectful, independent, beautiful, kind, giving and he shit it all away, not you. It was never you and he fucking knows it. So don't blame yourself, this is all on him, this is his mess.”

“I must have done something, people who are happy don't do that.” Her voice was small. 

“They do, and they literally ruin their happiness and that of those they affect in the process without reason to do so. He knows it too, Elle. You were too good for him. You deserve so much better.” Ben squeezed her hand as he spoke, hoping that she would believe him. He spat the same words not two hours before at a broken and remorseful Tom, reminding him that sorry meant nothing now. Sorry doesn't repair the shattered glass that was the trust he built with Danielle.

Danielle gave an attempt at a smile and said nothing more on the matter. When it came time for her to leave, she groaned. 

“Are you okay?” Sophie fretted. 

“Yeah, I just feel like crap. I'm eating crap food, making myself nauseous and I'm tired as Hell even though I'm sleeping too much.” Danielle dismissed. “I'll get better.”

“You will, you just need time to get through this.” Sophie agreed, hugging her again. 

When she had left, Sophie walked back into the kitchen. “So, how is he?” 

Ben sat at the table toying with his mug. “Worse than her but it's all his own doing.” He sighed. “I can’t believe it. I just cannot grasp how anyone could do that to someone they love.”

“He must not have loved her as he said he did, then.” 

“No, he is adamant he does love her.”

“Then why do it?”

Ben scoffed. “Because apparently, the realisation of settling down to one woman for the rest of your life causes moments of daunting that cause one to make stupid decisions.” Sophie stared blankly at him. “Yes, apparently his mind switched off for a few minutes, can you imagine that?”

“Please don’t tell me you told Danielle that?”

“Are you insane, that would break her heart even more, besides, he should face his music, not me.” 

When a noise came through on his phone, Ben took it out and looked at it, as soon as he read the headline, he groaned. “It’s out. Tom’s little plaything has told everyone.” 

“Poor Elle.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom's ideas that he and Danielle can fix their relationship quickly come crashing down when an unprepared Luke calls him, followed by a visit from an irate younger sister. 
> 
> Danielle tries to put on a brave face, but the press yearns for the brokenhearted ex. 
> 
> Finally, she decides it is time to put an end to her connection to the house she had called home in London, but that means going there. Is she strong enough?

Tom had hoped he could save his relationship, if he could just talk to Danielle, she would see how sorry he was and they would begin to fix things, but as soon as Luke called him, he knew it would not happen.

“Tom, tell me this is a twisted cow with no merit to her words, I beg you.” Luke pleaded. “Please, please tell me this isn’t true.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sor...Sorry? You’re sorry? What the fuck were you thinking? Why didn’t you tell me? I have to deal with this shitstorm.”

“I thought it would blow over.”

“Which part, the fact you tried to fuck a woman that wasn’t your fiancée, or the fact you no longer have a fiancée?”

“I was hoping she’d come back.”

“Elle? Are you insane? She won’t come back. Have you seen the pictures of her, she will be lucky if she ever trusts a man again.” Luke snapped.

Tom frowned. “Pictures?”

“Yes, the press didn’t just want your side piece, they wanted the devastated ex-fiancée and they got her, looking like she literally wants nothing more than to curl up in a corner and sleep for a month, blotchy-skinned and worn looking, sans engagement ring. She looks like a fucking wreck and with what you just said, it’s no wonder she does, the poor woman.”

“I ruined everything.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Luke growled. “I can’t believe you didn’t even have the decency to warn me.”

“Elle…”

“Forget it.” Luke hung up on Tom and rang Danielle instead. When there was a response, he winced at the sound of vomiting before someone spitting and flushing a toilet. “Elle?”

“Hey, Luke. I’m sorry your being bothered by this.” Her voice was soft and apologetic.

“It’s not your fault, Elle. You don’t owe me an apology.”

“I said nothing.”

“I know.” Luke knew she was not the sort to court publicity. “How are you?”

“Those were complimentary pictures.”

“I don’t know what to say.” Luke could tell from her avoiding the question, the answer was 'not good' to say the least.

“How long before they get bored?”

“Honestly, this is quite big, so it will be a couple of weeks while she milks things, but you just continue going through things, alright?”

“Yeah. Sorry again.”

“It’s not your fault, Elle. Don’t apologise.”

“I feel I should, I...I better go.”

Luke did not even get to say another word as he heard the phone fall to the floor and Danielle vomiting again. He winced and pressed ‘end call’, preparing for a statement.

_Confirmed, Tom Hiddleston’s publicist and longtime friend, Luke Windsor of Prospect issued a statement today saying the couple have parted ways and that Danielle Hughes very much wished to return to her former life out of the public eye and asked for privacy at this time. The publicist said nothing of the rumours it was just hours after an interview at Ace Comicon in Arizona where Tom stated he was looking forward to the wedding that the Thor and The Night Manager actor went to the room of Fiona Walls, an up and coming actress, with her and took part in a sordid and passionate affair._

Tom’s phone vibrated over and over in his hand. He ignored it. He didn’t want to know. When the pounding started on his front door, he ignored it too. It was only when he was certain the caller would break in the door did he even register it. When a key went into the lock, part of him hoped it was Danielle returning to the house. When his sister’s irate voice filled his home, he realised his day was going to continue to get worse.

“You BASTARD!” Emma shrieked. “You cruel, horrible, piece of shit.” She threw the nearest item to her hand at him, which happened to be a paperback book. “How could you?”

“I’m sorry.” He seemed to be saying that words as a default comment since it happened. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t make up for what you did. Our friend. My friend. My best friend got cheated on, you cheated on her. You broke her heart. You ruined our family. I hate you. I don’t ever want you around me or my daughter again. You ruined everything and all you can say is sorry?” Tom wept. “You don’t have the right to cry. You did this. What about poor Danielle, how do you think she feels?” Tom said nothing in return. “Prick.” She walked out and rang her friend, not surprised that Danielle was not answering. No one could get through to her since they all woke to the horrible news of Tom’s actions.

*

Danielle ignored her phone. She had nothing she wanted to say to anyone. The messages came in, saying how sorry they were to hear what she was going through. How they were here if she needed them, but seeing the words officially on the internet, reading what Ms Walls had to say about her time with Tom, it made her want to speak to no one. Instead, she focused on everything that was needed from the house. She decided she would get the van that Becky and Nacelle offered to get the last of her things and get everything out. She would give a list, Nacelle said she would go and retrieve everything on it. She had Ben organise it that Tom would be with him there and out of Nacelle’s way so that she could sever ties with the converted studio in Belsize and try to get on with her life.

Nacelle, to her credit, walked up to the house as though she owned it and rapped on the door with an abrupt and single knock. Ben opened and let her in.

The cleaner that Tom and Danielle had hired because they were often too busy to tidy had done the best they could to keep the place clean, but it was incredibly untidy. Nacelle could see that the house clearly mimicked Tom’s current state, but she couldn’t care. She and Becky had held Danielle as she wept and mourned the loss of the relationship she clearly dedicated herself wholeheartedly to. They stood beside her when she forced herself to write the list of her belongings to be retrieved and while she looked at places to now call home. She didn’t care about how Tom felt when he had chosen not to care about Danielle.

“Is anything packed?” Nacelle looked around to see if there was anything done.

Ben could see how she and Danielle had gotten so close. “No.”

“Fuck sake. Right.” She went back to the door. “Robby, go get something to eat, I will start here.”

The man with a van happened to be Nacelle’s kid brother, Robby. “D’you need boxes?”

“Yep.”

“I’ll set ‘em up and go get something then, yeah?”

“Good plan.” She turned and walked into the living room, where she could see Tom in the kitchen, looking at her, broken. She gave him a scathing look and went over to the bookshelf, pulling out every book that was on the list that she could find, x-ing of the ones she found. She then walked to Tom, who could barely look her in the face. “Where are the rest?” She placed the list in front of him.

“Upstairs.”

“Get them, and all the rest of her stuff out of your room. Get everything and bring them down to the door. Or I will and I don’t give a damn if your shit gets damaged in the process.” She snarled. Tom just looked at the list and inhaled, his breath shaking.

“Tom.” He looked at Ben. “You need to close this.” He encouraged. Tom shook his head slightly. “Yes, you do. Please, go and get her things.” Heartbroken, Tom left the room, the list in tow. “He isn’t reacting to anger,” Ben stated. “All he is getting is anger and nothing is going through to him.”

“I don’t care. He deserves it.”

“I know.” Ben acknowledged. “But we need him to get everything sorted, so the best way to do that is to actually work through it.” Nacelle said nothing in return, instead, going around collecting more of Danielle’s things.

After over an hour, little was done and the biggest concern became Danielle’s paperwork. Nacelle had no choice but to call Danielle.

Because of the sensitive nature of some of the information, Danielle had to deal with it accordingly. She asked Ben to get Tom out of the house so she could deal with it. Tom stated he would not leave, that he would imply just stay out of the way. Knowing it would be hard but she had to do it, Danielle went over to Belsize. She didn’t allow herself to get sidetracked, she even ignored the dogs and went straight up the stairs as soon as Nacelle stated Tom was in the kitchen and began to deal with things.

“Call this person and tell them the address,” Danielle ordered. Nacelle did as ordered and within half an hour, two vans were outside the door, one for a shredding company, the other a transport company to bring the paperwork to Safeguard. She did not leave the room, she merely organised everything. When that was done, she walked into the bedroom, pausing at the door. She looked at the bed, the bed she had spent so many days and night with Tom, showing her love for him, begging for him, having him beg for her, she felt so stupid for ever thinking he had loved her as she had him. She felt her breathing increase. When she saw a shadow to her side, she turned to see Nacelle looking at her sadly. She forced herself into the room and began the purge of her belongings. The one thing she noticed was the bed. Tom had brought her pillows against his. Some of her clothes were on it too, ones she had not washed but had worn. She grabbed what she could and just threw everything into boxes. She would organise them in her new home.

When she came to the bottom of the stairs again, everything having been cleared from all over the house, Mac and Bobby were waiting patiently, their tails sweeping the floor behind them at their excitement at seeing her. Looking at them, she could not force herself to ignore them any longer and knelt down to them. “My boys,” MacTíre whined. Usually, she would stop giving attention at such behaviour, but not this time, she needed to rub him, Bobby jumping up and licking her face. “I am so sorry. I am trying to organise everything, I promise. We’ll sort something.” She kissed their heads and walked out the door without a backward glance. When she got outside, she paused for a moment and got her car key from her pocket, pulling the house key through the clasp until it came free and turned back to the house and placed it inside the door. That was when they saw one another for the first time since the day he returned, since their lives had been so drastically changed. Both were the picture of misery, yet neither did anything but look at the other. She gave a slight nod, inhaled deeply, touched the doorframe as though saying goodbye and walked back outside. Mac and Bobby tried to follow her, whining to go with her but Ben blocked them from the door as the car started and drove off. Nacelle getting into the car with her brother to meet Danielle at the storage facility.

Ben gave a wave goodbye before closing the door and looking around at Tom who said nothing, merely went up the stairs to the bedroom they had once called theirs, the room he was almost certain they would try to conceive their first child in, where he genuinely thought they would still be together, and lay in the bed, noting that the house seemed so much more empty without her belongings, a tiny glimmer of hope that she would return was no longer there, the glimmer quenched.

*

Ben sent a message to Sophie, telling her of what happened before he looked at the house around him. He felt terrible for his friend, he saw the remorse Tom had for his moment of foolishness, but in it all, he took heed of the warning, knowing that were he to show the same weakness, he would suffer a similar fate. Though, as Sophie pointed out, they had two children to add to the mess. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophie, Emma, Nacelle and practically anyone else who sees Danielle is worried for her health, leading Sophie to badger her into going to the doctor, which Danielle is anything but prepared for the results of.

Sophie looked at Danielle analytically. She, Emma, Nacelle and even their partners were studying Danielle to see how she was faring. She had gone back to work and acted as though she was alright. She made a short-term agreement with Ben to rent his unoccupied home, him reducing the rent for her, her paying the six months in one go and both signing a legal agreement so to keep it sterile. She even asked that they deal with it all through the letting agents, so not to have anything affect their friendship. 

She got her stuff from storage and was even organising a small ‘at home’ office for herself to reduce her time in public while people still tried to make heads and tails of the fairytale relationship gone sour. 

She felt exhausted all the time and was prone to eating a lot of food that was not particularly healthy. She also felt ill daily and was sick a lot. When she came to Ben and Sophie’s one afternoon while Ben was dealing with some voice work, Sophie looked at her. “You’re gaining weight.” 

“So, it’s not like I need to worry about a wedding dress.” Danielle dismissed bitterly, not wanting to talk about it. 

“I am worried about you.” Danielle said nothing, instead, looking to the side. “Are you still ill a lot?” She nodded slightly. “Elle, please go to the doctor.”

“I’ll be okay.”

“When? Because you are not okay right now, something is off with you and you cannot risk your health.”

Danielle only agreed to go to the doctor to stop Sophie from bothering her, though even she had to admit that in the three weeks of a spiral of a funk she found herself in, her body was very much not feeling the best. 

*

“Alright, so I am going to run a little blood and urine test on you, just to see if there is anything coming up straight away.” The doctor explained. “If we don’t find anything, we can do a more thorough test.”

“Okay.” Danielle still did not know how she managed to be bullied into seeing her GP, but she was sitting in her office with a needle in her arm to extract some blood before a moment later being given a plastic container to pee into to check her urine. She suspected she could have some form of issue with her body, perhaps she was not as healthy as she should be. She had done a lot of training for the IronMan and with the wedding, she had kept herself in shape for that, but for almost a month, she had literally discarded so much of her healthy lifestyle, instead just eating and sleeping. At least she kept taking her vitamins, that was something surely. It could simply be her body fighting the unhealthy food or had she actually done something to damage herself, could unhealthy eating do that so quickly? She could only wait and see. 

The doctor brought the blood to the counter, then she tested her urine, first with the little strip, to check her health that way, then the obligatory pregnancy test that seemed to be as much a constant of her GP health checks as the urinalysis tests since she stated she was sexually active. She thought little of any of it, instead, focusing on the chart on the wall so not to let her mind linger, that tended to revert her back to thinking of Tom, the last thing she wanted at present. 

When the doctor sat in front of her again, she was relieved to see the doctor seem confident they had found the issue. The doctor looked at the information on the screen in front of her and seemed to be in a state of thoughtfulness for a moment before jotting some dates on a piece of paper in front of her. She then looked at her hands before looking at Danielle, which scared her slightly. “Right, well, it’s clear what is causing your current situation.” Danielle had not realised that the doctor had brought the pregnancy test and urinalysis strip to the table with her. She showed Danielle the test which very clearly stated ‘Pregnant 3+’ on the digital screen in front of her. Danielle, for her part, just shook her head slightly. “I know you have the bar inserted and said you have had no bleeding, so we can use your blood sample to test the hCG levels to give a more accurate date, but going by the fact you are nauseous and vomiting already with three weeks and you state you can most definitely not be any less than five weeks, I would put you at between eight and nine at present. If that is true, a scan would confirm it easily also, if you’d prefer. But as you mentioned, it has been a very difficult few weeks for you, so I have the dates that would have appointments for you if you need to consider those options also.” Danielle snapped out of her shock enough to show her ideas on such things. “This is a bit of a shock to you, I would suggest that if you are not certain on the route you wish to take, you spend time considering your options. You do seem to be farther along than many women on their realising their condition, but nonetheless, you still have time to consider everything.” 

“How…?” 

“With the bar?” Danielle nodded. “It boasts a 99.8% effectiveness rate, one of the best in the market. That does, however, leave 0.2% of cases where there are issues and you stated you had bleeding last year when it was inserted?”

Danielle nodded. “But why would it be okay for a year?”

The doctor shook her head slightly. “Honestly, there are a few issues that can arise, the bar is not emitting any of the hormones any more, is the most common one. The fact you have not bled does not help pinpoint the reason, but your symptoms and that test very much tell us the reason. Now, we also have to keep an eye on your urine, according to the strip, you are just teetering on the verge of glucose issues. If you want to continue this, I need you to request that you change your diet immediately.” Danielle gave her a guilty look. “People going through times of great turmoil in their lives naturally turn to comfort, and food is often the readiest form of that, but in pregnancy, gestational diabetes is not something a woman wants.”

“No,” Danielle remembered a case from her training time in the ambulance service, the baby was lost. “No, of course.” 

“You should also see your energy levels rise a little also, though I have yet to come across a woman that is bright eyed and bushy tailed in the first trimester, I felt as though I would give bears a run for their money with the want to hibernate in that period.” Danielle nodded slightly. “Do you have an idea of what you want to do?” Again Danielle nodded. “You will need another appointment either way, either for the termination procedure, we insist it is done in a medical setting for your safety, or to have the Implanon removed. If it stays in during the pregnancy, the hormones have yet to be proven to cause issues with foetal development but it is always best to err on the side of caution.” 

“Can I get it out today?” The doctor looked at her. “I don’t want it in if there is even the slightest risk.” 

“I can remove it now if you’d like?” Danielle nodded. “I will get the required utensils.” the doctor rose from her seat. 

Danielle just sat there and thought. Pregnant. If she was still in a happy relationship, about to get married, she could not be happier. A baby, her body was screaming at her for a year to have one, she felt envy at her best friend for getting pregnant and at Sophie for simply having her children. Part of her wanted nothing more than the child growing inside her, but now came the very harsh reality that it was not ideal. She was renting a home on a temporary basis, she had not gone far enough in her career to simply stop working on sets and stay in the office full-time and she had no partner to support her. It was not ideal, she needed to think. 

When the doctor came in, there was another doctor with her. “Unfortunately, I had not realised the time and I have more patients waiting for me. If you would like to make an appointment for me to do it in a few days, that’s no problem or I can offer Dr Kraus who is covering for Dr Frank for a few weeks, he can remove it if you are comfortable with a male physician.” 

Danielle just looked at the man for a moment and nodded. Getting to her feet and taking her jacket off the chair. “Thank you, sorry for taking up so much of your time.” 

“It’s quite alright, understandable today, all things considered.” The doctor smiled before going to call in her next patient. 

“Please, to the room down here.” Dr Kraus indicated to the door to the end of the corridor where he was working and politely ushered Danielle there. The entire time he worked, Danielle just thought about what she would do, paying no heed as even the scalpel was put to her arm to remove the small rod she had placed in there to prevent this from happening. 

*

Danielle reprimanded herself for her actions. She needed to cease running to others with her problems but she didn’t know what else to do. “Elle?” She looked out her car door at a worried looking Nacelle. “Are you okay?” 

She nodded and opened the door. “Hi. Can I talk to you, if you're free?” 

“Sure, I was just going to grab some lunch and get ready for work.” Nacelle smiled, encouraging her friend out of her car and into her home. When they went in, the first thing Nacelle noticed was Danielle's bandaged arm when she took off her coat. “What did you do?” 

“Sophie forces me to the doctors, I was there earlier, they took out my Implanon.” 

“Ah, okay. Was it causing issues?” 

“A few.” 

“Some girls I know swear blind on it. Others loathe it.” Nacelle commented. Danielle just nodded. “What else did the doctor say?” 

“That my current way of living isn't healthy. Somehow, I think her degree in medicine was not required for that particular bit of information.”

“I think even Nero could have told you that.” Nacelle stated. “I know we have.”

“I just feel it's constant. I'm so worn out. I thought people would have moved on by now.” 

Nacelle gave a sympathetic smile. People were still talking about Tom Hiddleston, the supposed perfect gentleman, doing the dirty on his fiancée, even in the production she was doing, Nacelle had heard people comment on it. “You can't worry about other people's words, Elle.” 

“Well, they're going to have even more to talk about now.” Nacelle gave her a look to say 'how so?’. “What is the only thing that could have made this harder for me?” 

Nacelle scanned her mind for suitable answers. “I'm not sure. I mean, I heard Ben say that at least you two have no kids, which is fairly…” Nacelle words ceased as Danielle's eyebrows rose, as she swiped her tongue across the inside of her bottom lip and had a look of ’yeah, that’ on her face. “Please tell me you're not.” 

“Nausea, vomiting, tiredness, blotchy skin, binge eating, sore breasts, bloatedness and on the verge of gestational diabetes as well to add insult to injury.”

“Wow.” Nacelle shook her head as she processed what Danielle was saying. “You know, I always hated Coronation Street, EastEnders, Emmerdale and those because they always seemed so over-the-top and unrealistic. You know, like there is no one that would have that much bad luck… I. Was. Wrong.” Danielle shrugged in response. “What are you going to do?” 

“My doctor told me to take a day or two to think it over.”

“But…? I can see the 'but’ on your face.” 

“I can't do that, Nach.”

“Which one?”

“Get rid of it. I can't.” 

Nacelle thought for a moment of the year previous where Danielle and Becky had discussed Ireland's repealing a previous amendment to its Constitution to legally allow abortions within the state outside of medical emergencies. Danielle had stated how relieved she was to have such a law repealed. “Elle, I am not going to tell you what to do. This is one of the few things I cannot help with. I can offer to let you bounce ideas off me or something like that, but this has to be something you need to be a hundred per cent behind. You cannot take it back if you get rid of it and you cannot get rid of it if it is born, well you can put it for adoption, but you know what I mean. If you go ahead with this, know I am there for you, no matter what, Auntie Nacelle and Auntie Becky will always have your back but you need to be a hundred per cent on this.” 

“I know.”

“You also need to remember, if you do this, you will be linked to him forever.” Nacelle looked her in the eye as she spoke. “He is not going to ignore the fact you are pregnant with his baby. He will most likely want a part in its life and you have to be okay with that. There is also the very real issue that he will see this baby as a way to stay connected to you. Ben had to physically stand in the doorway more than once when you were getting your stuff upstairs to stop him going to try and talk to you. You are living in your own place for a week and you still have not braved finding a way to even talk to him about taking the dogs, what are you going to do with a human child, that will need to see its parents talking and working together and being in the same room from time to time? You really need to think about that.” Danielle nodded. “Though this is you we’re talking about, that’s all you’ve thought about since the moment you got the news, that’s why you’re here. Anything else would be a shock,” Nacelle added, knowing too well that Danielle’s mind worked in such a way, analysing everything, especially risks, and dealing with Tom for the sake of a baby would definitely be a risk to her that she would have already analysed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danielle forces herself on, even with this new and difficult situation. But that means really difficult decisions regarding work, her home life and indeed, her home. 
> 
> When she has Sophie over for an afternoon, she is presented with a challenge she had not been expecting also.

Danielle focused on her work, making up for the few weeks of sloth and self-pity and instead focused on organising her office. She also had to make arrangements for the fact she was no longer able to go into the field in the same manner. She had to tell Lucas, who already knew, through the fact the whole world knew that her relationship was gone, but telling him she was pregnant to boot was awkward enough. With a promise to keep working diligently in the office and to continue making meetings so long as her doctors cleared her to fly, they worked around it. Mark, her second-in-command and her now-friend outside of work too from their shared IronMan experience, was made aware of the situation as well and between them, they worked out how best to run the European office. 

She went to the hospital, grateful that she had health insurance that allowed her private care so that she wouldn’t have to wait publically and be seen by someone she did not wish to be seen by who would report her immediately to the internet. 

She got her bloods and such done, as well as a scan which put her GP’s guesstimate as accurate enough. 

At currently fourteen weeks, Danielle was relieved to be through the worst of her heartache. In the time since that, she had told Emma, who cried and told her that she would be there for her, no matter what and that she didn’t need to worry about her telling Tom, she only entered the grounds of his house to get the dogs to bring to Danielle or bring them back. Sophie knew too, but she had yet to tell her husband. Danielle was still working on a way to tell Tom without having to have too much to do with him. Nacelle was right, he did need to know and she knew that he would want a part in the child’s life. She didn’t want to have to deal with him, but she wanted the baby and that necessitated telling him. Her clothes no longer fit comfortably, but scared of being seen buying maternity clothes, she borrowed clothes from both Sophie and Emma, with Becky and Nacelle getting her a few things too that were more work appropriate as well as online shopping. 

After a long day at work, she planned to spend time with Sophie and her boys, Ben was working late, so she got some dinner for them all and went to her home where soon after, Sophie arrived with the boys. 

“How are you?” Sophie asked, looking down at her petite bump. 

“Great. I am walking a few kilometres every day, so I am getting healthier again, while I can. Obviously soon it will not be able to be done. Thankfully, that and eating better again have meant I am also not teetering the edge of gestational diabetes too, so that’s never bad. But I do have to be careful.” 

“No.” Sophie agreed. 

“I miss training now. Work is very busy. And I never liked drinking, so why the Hell do I want a glass of wine so badly?”

“Because you are not allowed it, that’s why.” Sophie laughed. 

“I know, it’s a cruel irony.” Danielle looked lovingly at her small bump. “It’s worth it though. I have to look into nursery stuff soon.”

“How do you feel about that?” 

“Excited.” She admitted. Danielle found it difficult. She could not speak too much with Nacelle and Becky on this topic as both felt that this was only going to force Danielle into a situation where Tom would be a constant in her life which both felt was not the best for her, but they swore they would be there for her and the baby, come Hell or high water. Emma seemed excited about it too, but there was the constant reminder that she was Tom’s sister and it led to an awkwardness that both women hoped would settle when Danielle finally felt she could tell him. Sophie was her closest person that she felt she could speak to openly, and who she felt she could show her honest excitement to without worrying about anything. Sophie always smiled and did what she could to assist her to get through the trials of pregnancy as they arose. 

“Well, you know my opinion on buggies.” 

Danielle laughed, knowing that Sophie and Ben went through a few strollers and buggies to get one that suited them. “Yes, I will probably go for that one, Emma swears by it too and with the car, I need to be able to do everything singlehandedly.”

Sophie forced herself not to show any sympathy or anger at the idea of Danielle doing it alone. After the initial time to wallow in pity, after finding out she was pregnant and that she needed to become healthy again for her baby, Danielle refused to think like that. She was worried about telling him and the effects, but regarding becoming a single mother, she accepted it fully and was willing to do what she needed to. “Rule of thumb, assume you only have one hand available and one holding a baby.” 

“Definitely.”

Danielle froze when she heard a knock on her door. Both women looked at one another worriedly before looking at the hallway. Danielle pulled her open cardigan across and walked towards the door, noting the masculine silhouette that was on the other side. She only opened the door slightly before the man spoke. “It’s only me, Elle.” Making sure her cardigan hid her stomach, which was she felt only looking like she had simply eaten a big meal to most but as a father, and someone who was naturally observant, she worried Ben could tell it was more and opened the door fully to let him in. “Sorry to turn up unannounced but my wife is here, is she not?” 

“She is indeed.” She went to take his jacket but froze. 

Ben thought for a moment that time had frozen by the manner she paused, but the look she gave him immediately after told him he was incorrect and something about him that caused her to freeze. “Elle?” She shook her head slightly and gave a small attempt at a smile before bolting for the kitchen. 

Worried, Sophie came to the doorway, looking at Danielle as she passed her and then to her husband who looked confusedly back at her. Concerned there was more afoot, Sophie turned to look at Danielle who was inhaling deeply at the counter. “Elle, what is it?”

“Nothing, just something stupid.” She waved her hand in dismissal but did not turn around. Ben walked into the kitchen warily, not sure what to say or do. “I have nothing ready to give you, Ben. I…” She walked over to the fridge and looked at the contents. 

“It’s quite alright, Elle, I ate only an hour ago.” He stated calmly, hoping his relaxed tone would make her relax. 

“Yeah, of course, you smell like onion,” Danielle commented before stopping for a moment and laughing. “That sounds so ridiculous.” 

Ben looked to his wife for some form of an answer as to what had caused such rapid changes to Danielle’s demeanour, but his wife looked almost as confused as he did. 

“You’ll have a cup of tea, at least?” She offered. 

“Please, Rooibos.” She gave a more normal smile and went about getting what as needed. “So, how was everything today?” Ben asked Sophie, picking up Hal who was excited to see his father. 

They spoke for a short time before Kit began yawning, signifying that it was time for them to consider going home. Sophie began packing up the boy’s belongings while Danielle brought used dishes to the sink. Ben looked warily at her as she did so.

“Elle, I am not sure what I did earlier, but I apologise.” 

Danielle scoffed slightly. “You have done nothing to require apologising for, Ben. I can assure you.” His brow furrowed with uncertainty. Danielle inhaled deeply and forced herself to ask. “How is he?” Ben didn’t answer. “The reason I paused for a moment, that’s his cologne I smelt on you, I know, I bought it.” 

“He is alive.” It was an accurate statement. Danielle was doing better than Tom from what Ben could see. She had come out of her very understandable rut and began to do things she enjoyed again. “The show starts soon.”

“Yes, actually, that reminds me.” She went over to a drawer and got out something before returning to him. “I want you to give these to someone who will appreciate them.” She handed him the print outs for the shows of Betrayal she had planned to go to. “One of them is for opening night, they are practically like Goldust.” 

For a moment, Ben thought to dismiss taking them from her but he knew she would never go. The show headline was Betrayal, it was about cheating, and front and centre would be the man that did just that to her, a mere six weeks previous. “Alright, I know Robert most certainly wanted to go.” 

Danielle smiled, happy to see that they would not go to waste. “It doesn’t deserve empty seats.” 

Benedict looked at the tickets and smiled. “No.” He agreed. 

“Too many people work on these things.” 

He knew what she was doing and indeed, not saying. “Of course. How are you doing? You look incredible.” 

“I am behaving myself. I have not seen a takeaway since I went to the doctors, that gave me a scare, no matter how much I am wanting to. I came close one night, there was a Domino’s menu in the letterbox when I got home, but I was strong. I’m getting healthier again and I think I am looking okay, I think. I feel better, that’s obvious.”

“What did your doctor say?” Ben had not heard of the doctor’s visit and her mentioning it gave her a scare worried him. 

“Just that I was going to go down a bad road if I didn’t look after myself better and it is harder to get back to myself after if I let that happen and I would risk my health long term. I mean, it is nothing she needed her medical degree to tell me, but it hit home. I had gained over a stone so that wasn’t healthy, that’s not me.” 

Ben nodded. “Well, you look better now than before, so whatever it is you’re doing, keep at it.” 

“The IronMan doesn’t count. I looked like shit by the end of that.” She smiled before toying with her hands. “Make sure he’s okay during the show, won’t you? He forgets to look after himself.” 

Ben gave a small nod. It was heartbreaking for him to see that behind the anger, heartache and betrayal, Danielle still cared enough to want nothing to befall Tom. He was irate with Tom for his actions, more than once he wanted to yell and berate him for what he had done, but that would not help. That would not reverse what happened in Arizona that night and that would not bring his friend and the woman in front of him back together, so he said nothing, merely assisting Tom in getting himself sorted so that his career did not end up as broken as his home life. He knew Tom needed something to work for or he would not bother. When Sophie walked into the room and gave him his son to bring to the car, he gave her a smile and a hug before heading for the door. Danielle opening it and assisting the pair and their children out before waving goodbye and closing it again. Inhaling deeply for a moment, she remembered why she was not allowed to go to Sainsbury’s and buy the biggest tub of ice cream they had and rubbed her stomach before preparing for the evening ahead. 

*

“Elle?” 

“Emma, it’s eight in the morning on a Saturday, I am tired and trying to replicate hibernation, leave me alone.” 

“Why is your house for sale?”

Danielle sighed and stretched slightly. She thought the realtor said the house would be put on the market later in the week. But clearly, they had gone ahead with it early. “I need to sell it, obviously.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t need a house in Suffolk, I need one here in London so I can have my own home to raise this baby in.” She pointed out, getting out of bed with her phone to her ear. “I don’t want it anymore.” 

“But...Mum is gutted.”

Danielle sighed. Since the revelation of Tom’s actions, Danielle had only spoken to Diana once or twice which only led to them both crying. She felt terrible that the older woman was caught between them both and did not want to make it any harder on her. She loved Diana, she wanted nothing more to be close to the older woman again, but that was not an option. Tom was always at risk of going to his mother’s she didn’t want him to be so close to her any more. Looking down, she realised her baby had moved slightly in the night, or that she had not noticed that it was now in a different position and was showing just a little more than it had before. “I can’t, Emma. I just can’t.” 

“Elle, you need to talk to her face to face. It’s not fair on her. She didn’t do anything to deserve this. She is so worried about you and when she realises there’s a baby...that’s her grandchild.” Emma argued back, having been woken herself by her mother ringing her frantically about the estate agent putting the ‘For Sale’ sign outside Danielle’s home.

Knowing it was true, Danielle sighed again. “Where are you?”

“At home, in my place.” 

“When are you going to Suffolk?”

“Why?” 

“You’re right, I need to tell her, but like fuck am I going alone.”

“We can be ready in an hour.” 

Danielle hung up and ran her hands through her hair. She didn’t want to deal with this, but fifteen weeks meant she was careering towards halfway through her pregnancy, she needed to get certain things done, including telling Diana. She also knew she needed to tell Tom, but that was something she was still working up to. 

*

Looking at the house she went to after everything with her parents' deaths did not fill Danielle with joy, but with dread. She hated it, she hated that it was where she met Tom, shared her first kiss with him, where they had so often done nothing but spend time in bed together, where they spent time with his family, being happy together. Laughing, joking, smiling. She looked at the For Sale sign and was relieved to know that a house of that size in the area would sell easily and that because it was a coveted area, she could get a nice two bedroomed home for herself and her child in London for it. She would have to double her room as an office, or if there was a living area and a dining area, convert one, if she was lucky to get something that big, but it would allow for it, so it was the smart choice. 

“Elle?” She turned to see Emma looking at her worriedly. “Come on. We’ll get some tea.” 

Danielle walked to Diana’s after taking another glance at the sign. She was nervous heading into the house, but she knew it needed to be done. Everything felt so foreign now. The happiness she associated with it was gone and it shattered her to think it. She knew her baby would come there to visit Nana, she would be the one to bring it if nothing else. Its picture would grace the walls, just as its older cousins ones did, but it felt wrong. She didn’t want to be there, to continue the conflict for Diana, she did not want to cause the woman any further distress. 

She entered the kitchen and for a moment, could not look at the woman she knew was in front of her. She knew what happened was not her doing, yet she felt incredible shame. The sound of footsteps coming towards her almost made her wince. The bandaged hand of Diana Hiddleston came to her chin and gently coerced her into looking the other woman in the eye, both of them not surprised to see tears glistening in the others. “Danielle.”

“I’m so sorry.” Her words were mere whispers. 

“Oh no, Sweetheart. Don’t you dare say that. You have nothing to apologise for, nothing.”

“But I did something wrong, I must have.”

“Listen to me, Danielle Hughes, you did nothing wrong. He did this, not you.” There was anger in Diana’s words for her son’s actions. 

“That’s not the only wrong, and this one is on me,” Danielle confessed. 

“And what is that? What wrong do you think you have committed?” Diana challenged, convinced nothing Danielle could reveal would outdo her son’s actions. 

Danielle said nothing and removed her coat. She had worn an oversized sweater too in case anyone saw her. She took that off as well and stood still, looking down at her stomach. 

Diana did not understand what she was doing at first, but when she looked where Danielle looked, her hand went to her mouth. “You…?”

“I found out a few weeks later. I was constantly sick and I thought it was because I was not looking after myself and feeling really down but it wasn’t that.” She explained. 

Diana stood silently for a moment before glancing at Emma, who held Lucy in her arms, studying her mother’s reaction and realised the sheer gravity of everything. “He doesn’t know?”

“No. I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell him yet.”

“You need to tell him.” 

 

“I know.” 

Diana could see that Danielle truly meant it. “When is my grandchild due?” 

“The 23rd of August.” 

Diana shook her head slightly. “I cannot put into words my confliction. At my anguish of what has happened, but…”

“The joy of the baby?” Danielle guessed. When Diana nodded, she laughed slightly. “How do you think I feel?”

“Come, sit down. Tell me how you are doing. Emma, give me my granddaughter and make us some tea.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time to tell Tom, but there's one slight issue with Danielle's plan.

“I’m not sure.” Danielle looked at the letter in front of her, reading and rereading it more times that she should. “It seems wrong.”

“Sending this sort of news by letter?” Sophie guessed, feeling it too cold a way to do such a thing. 

“No, the wording.” 

“I think we are both right.” 

Danielle inhaled deeply. “I can’t even bring myself to unblock his number. I am seventeen weeks pregnant, I am going for the anomaly scan in two weeks and I am very clearly pregnant. I can’t hide it forever and if I don’t tell him before he finds out some other way, well then, that makes me all the more of a cunt.” 

Sophie looked around to ensure her sons were not in the room. “You’re not a cunt.”

“I feel like one.” 

“Maybe that's a direct result of you deciding the best way to tell your ex he will be a father by the end of the summer is via solicitor’s letter.” Sophie pointed out. 

“Irish end of summer is July, August is the start of autumn there.” 

“Don’t start with your foreigner pedantics,” Sophie warned. “This should be done face to face.” 

“I wish I could.” 

Sophie didn't argue, she knew Danielle had tried more than once in her presence to try and build the courage to make such a call. “He needs to know, Elle. Even if you're not happy with the wording, it doesn't matter, what matters is he is not kept in the dark about this any longer.”

Danielle nodded in agreement and got a pen from her bag and signed the letter before folding it and putting it next to an envelope to have sent to Tom. “You’re right.”

“Are you ready for his reaction?”

“I'm fully expecting him to want everything to do with the baby, I'm not sure what I would say or think if he doesn't but I guess that's a possibility. After all, I had no idea he would think about doing what he did.”

“I don't know, what I do know is you have been readying to do this alone the entire time, so keep doing that. Worst case scenario, you are prepared for no help from him.” Sophie suggested. 

“I have a really weird sense of dread at the moment. I know it's to do with telling him. I guess I can only wait and see.” She rose from the chair. “I'm so glad the morning sickness is gone, but this pressure on my bladder is not fun.”

“It's actually worse in my opinion because the morning sickness goes away, the incessant need to pee does not.” Sophie declared. 

Danielle laughed as she walked out of the room towards the bathroom. 

Sophie chuckled to herself as she readied something for her sons as a snack while Danielle did that. She thought about the outfits she had bought for Hal and Kit while she was organising some things for her own child and swore to return the favour. 

“You look pensive.” Shocked, Sophie turned to see her husband standing behind her. “What's with that look, I do live here?” He laughed.

“I thought you were out for the afternoon?”

“I was, I thought you were too, but with the weather, we said we'd just grab a late lunch here.”

“We?” Sophie looked to see who her husband was referencing and the colour drained from her face. 

Tom had been aware that since everything, Sophie despised him and he fully understood why. Ben had stated she was not due home for much of the afternoon and that between the matinée and evening showing of the play, he and Tom could spend the time relaxing with something to eat at his, which he knew was Ben’s way of trying to make sure he was looking after himself. The manner in which Sophie looked at him made him feel like filth, a sensation he was becoming all too used to at present. He was about to make an attempt to not make her any less receptive to him being there when the phone and purse on the table caught his eye. He knew them so well, they spent more time on the kitchen countertop in his home than in any bag. He was about to say something when the owner of said items re-entered the room. 

The last time he saw Danielle was in his home to collect her things. It was only a momentary glimpse but it was clear she had been suffering emotionally from his actions. The pictures of her that surfaced after the story was released by media outlets were less than flattering. She looked like utter shit and it was entirely his fault. Now she looked slightly different to how she had when they had been together. It was clear she didn't wallow in despair as she had before, yet her face was slightly more rounded than it had been before their break-up. Her arms were crossed in front of her, allowing him to see that her breasts had grown to larger than they had been before her IronMan training. He always loved her breasts and cherished every time she purchased something to make them more enticing for him, but he had lost that privilege now. Seeing her naked was something he would never get to cherish again. 

He continued his analysis of her appearance for another moment before he realized that she was wearing pants that were meant for a woman slightly taller than her and the reason they seemed familiar came to him a moment after when he recalled Danielle buying them for his sister and making comment that every pregnant woman needed a comfy yet professional looking pair of maternity pants. He didn't know what she would be using such pants now but then he noted the jacket on the chair where her phone and purse were, he noticed the clearly visible label on it. ‘H&M Mama’. Confused, he looked to Danielle, but also to the slightly guilty faces on not just Sophie, but Ben before finally focusing on Danielle’s stomach, which was protruding noticeably. “You’re…? What?” He looked at them all for someone to give him some form of explanation. 

“Elle, do you think you are up to speaking with him alone for a few minutes, we’ll be in the other room if you need us, with our young sons,” Ben stated clearly, the request to not begin a shouting match very much obvious. 

“Yeah, I think that’s best.” Danielle nodded, the sensation of dread she had felt all day coming to a crescendo. She noted the guilty look on Sophie’s face, the silent apology for telling her husband. “Don’t, you don’t need to apologise. He’s your husband, I never wanted to cause any issues for you both. Ben, the reason I did not tell you is because I did not want to put you into any more of an awkward position,” she explained. 

“I know.” He gave a small smile and a warning glance to Tom before he and Sophie left the room. 

For a few moments, Tom stared at Danielle as she stared at the window. “Were...Are...I don’t know where to start.” Tom began. She didn’t look at him. “Were you even going to tell me?” Danielle walked to the table and pushed the folded letter towards him. Tom picked it up and took a moment to read it before his eyes went wide and he looked at her in disbelief. “A letter, you were just going to give me a letter?”

“Would you rather not have known?” She challenged. 

“I deserved to be told face to face.” He argued. Finally, Danielle did look at him, her brows raised and her face filled with scoffing disbelief at his words. “What I did, there is nothing I can say to make up for that, but this...this is something so much bigger than that, than anything and everything and you said nothing.” He declared. He looked at the letter again. “You’re giving me the option to be involved? You’ve said nothing for how long? Did you know when we…?”

“No.” 

 

“So you…” He didn’t need to ask any more of that question. When they had the scare not long after they got into their relationship, Danielle made it clear how she felt about different options. “You had that implant?”

Danielle scoffed. “It failed, obviously.” 

“So...when…” He glanced at the letter. “August? How far along…?”

“Seventeen weeks.” 

“You’ve said nothing for that long? You should have said something.”

“I have nothing to say to you.” She walked over and got her belongings. 

“But, we have to talk. We are having a baby together.” Tom stated. 

“The name on the header of the paper, that’s the name of my legal team, anything you want to arrange will go through them. When it is born, we will come to a formal arrangement, but if you want to begin the discussion process now, that’s fine. Let them know and they will let me know.” 

“We don’t have to use them.” 

“We do.” She forced herself to look at him. The determination in her face was needed to tell Tom how serious she was. “We will do it all above board.” She tied up the buttons of her jacket. “I remembered a lot of your family’s health history from Emma’s file, so you don’t need to worry about submitting that. I have some pictures from the scans, I can send them to your team if you want. If you are telling Luke, tell him I request my privacy, not that leeches care for such things.” She walked to the living room to Ben and Sophie. “Thank you for today, Soph, I will talk to you during the week. Ben, sorry again for putting you in the middle of this.” 

“It was never your fault, Elle.” Ben smiled. 

She gave a small one in return and walked towards the front door, not looking at Tom. When she was about to open it, he rushed forward beside her. “As I said, if you want to discuss things, you have the contact details for my legal team.” 

“Do you have everything you need? Are you going to a good hospital? Are you healthy? Are you both healthy?” He needed to ask her. Just talking to her for those few moments, he needed to hear her voice, to interact with her again. 

“I am dealing with us.” She stated sternly before glancing at him for a moment and seeing his genuine concern. She sighed. “We are being seen privately, we’re fine.” She informed him calmly, which caused him to nod slightly in return. Saying nothing more, she opened the door and left. 

*

Tom stood next to the door, trying to process the life-changing news he had so harshly been blind-sided by. Danielle was pregnant with their baby and most shocking of all, she had said nothing of her condition to him for months. He felt nauseous, he felt dizzy. He leant against the wall and tried to breathe. 

Ben walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “In...Out.” He repeated. 

“You never said…”

“It wasn’t my place. She has been trying to work up the courage to do this for weeks. She needed to be the one you heard it from.”

“You never said anything.” Tom snarled as he brushed away Ben’s arm. “My child, she is having my child, and she said nothing. Why didn’t she tell me?”

“Because even looking at you is hard for her. Having to speak to you there, that was even harder.” Ben explained, knowing that Tom’s anger at him for saying nothing was his way of venting. 

“We need to fix this.”

“Fix what?” Ben asked. 

“Us, we need to fix us, for the baby.” Tom’s tone, though slightly high pitched from his reaction to everything, showed how serious he was regarding the statement. 

“No, Tom. There is no ‘fixing’ the relationship for her. She is doing this by herself, as a single mother. She is giving you the option of being a father, but you are not, for one second, being offered a chance with her again. She doesn’t want that and you have to respect that.”

“But the baby…”

“The baby is not going to fix it, Tom. And being born to a home where its mother cannot even look at its father will not raise a healthy individual. She feels she can never trust you again, what sort of relationship do you think that could ever create? The resentment that would harbour. Is that what you want for your son or daughter, to have Mum look at Dad going out the door for a performance and her wondering what you would do when you’re gone, how you could hurt her again?”

“I wouldn’t.” 

“She thought that before, and she was wrong.” Ben pointed out. Tom made a pained sound. “Tom, the best thing you can do is to eat something, get back to the Pinter and do the show, and tomorrow, before you go in for your show, contact your legal team and begin the ball rolling on getting something organised for your child, it’s going to be here in a few short months. If you want her to even start talking to you outside of a few abrupt sentences, you need to show your dedication to this baby, because hers has been so good she has literally dragged herself back from health risks to keep it safe.” Tom looked at him. “She is literally just teetering close to the verge for gestational diabetes, she needs to look after herself and she is doing so.” 

“What will I…?”

“If you want to show her you’re serious, if you want to be a present father and be in that baby’s life, you listen to what I say and do it, without question.” Ben looked him dead in the eye, Tom nodding, his entire being screaming at him to do anything needed to be there for Danielle and the baby, their baby. “I know you probably feel like throwing up, but you can’t, you sort yourself. You eat well, you look after yourself and you give that performance everything you have, that will show her you’re serious about being dependable, no matter if other things are going bonkers. You get onto your legal team, at no stage,” he said three words slowly and clearly. “Do you act aggressively, or let them act aggressively. You get them to talk to her lot and be warned, this is some big gun friend of Becky’s she has gotten to assist Elle. You are not here to start trouble, you just want to be a father to that baby. She is not looking for conflict, that is something she has been trying to avoid, you need to be the same. If you do this, she will start speaking to you again.”

“She hates me.” 

“You broke her heart. You cheated on her. Lied to her. Of course, part of her hates you. For fuck sake, part of me hates you, you fucking hate you, but she still cares about you. She asked me to make sure you ate during this play. She asked how you were. She has been trying to think of a way to tell you. She fully expected you to want to be a part of your child’s life, she never expected you not to.” Tom stared at Ben to see if his friend was simply trying to make him feel better or telling the truth. While many would be easily fooled by the actions and words of a good actor such as Ben, Tom knew his friend, he knew when Ben was being genuine and when he was acting, seeing that he was speaking the truth, Tom straightened himself up and forced himself to inhale deeply. “I need to get ready for the show tonight.”

“You do.” Ben agreed. “Then you spend your morning tomorrow getting everything in place.” 

Tom nodded before he felt himself weaken slightly as the realisation hit him again that he was a father, he had a child with Danielle and perhaps a chance to begin to right his wrongs.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom tries to come to terms with the life-altering news that he has been dealt. He thinks of what he has to do to get himself inserted into the baby's life but comes across a worrying development when he goes househunting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we are going to spend more time with Tom's perspective now. 
> 
> also, wedding time on IHY ILY.

Tom did exactly as Ben instructed as forced himself to work diligently. Holding the young girl that was playing his daughter against him, portraying a betrayed man, he felt all the more guilty for his actions against Danielle. People were applauding his performance, they stated it was raw and emotional, but of course, it was, his wrongs against Danielle and the anguish it caused were still raw. He felt the girl, Amelia, begin to doze off against him, he kept still enough so she could get some rest, before bringing her off stage as the scene required a short time later. 

At the end of the evening, like with after the matinée show, he, Charlie and Zawe were supposed to see fans, but feigning feeling under the weather, he excused himself and went back to the house as quickly as possible. 

Looking around the living room, he sighed. He always thought he had too much stuff in the house until Danielle came and they made room for her belongings, now that they were gone, it felt half-empty, an ironic likeness to his own feelings.

The thoughts of a baby continued to swirl around in his mind. It still felt so surreal. A baby, he was a father. He knew he saw the bump, the clear sign that Danielle had a baby inside her, growing, developing but yet it felt so surreal. He looked at the date on the page, took out his phone and had it go back to when the baby was conceived. He grunted in a form of emotional pain when he realised the date. It was the night of the Betrayal piece in the tunnel, ironically. He remembered her smiling at him in her work jacket, her pride at the way he had channelled his emotions in that piece. They went home, him having gotten home before her and pressed her against the wall in the hallway as soon as she had closed the door, kissing her passionately, her body against his, her barely being able to convince him to get up the stairs, only the promise of her wanting to show him what she was wearing underneath to entice him had caused him to pause and let her guide him up the stairs. He recalled waking the next morning and her body against his, her hand in his and her head on his chest, looking at him lovingly. He felt his eyes well up, that had most likely been the night they conceived their child, her looking lovingly at him, kissing him after she woke and telling him how she could not wait to see the show, how she loved him. He said similar words in return. That was the only solace he could get in this, that their child had been created during a night of love and passion. He wondered if she realised the date at any stage and its significance. 

He sat with the letter she had her legal team write for him. It was sterile, unemotional, nothing like the situation it discussed, a child was not an emotionless subject matter. He read it a few times and put it into his memory, every detail it included of something to do with the child. It was clear, she wanted nothing of him, she did not expect child support, hospital fees, nothing of the sort, she merely was informing him that she was pregnant, that it was his, as though there was any reason to doubt that, that if he wanted it confirmed via testing, she would not contest it and that she would not think to impede his rights to his child in any manner, but that she insisted everything was above board and done via legal teams and that she requested she not be contacted outside such means. 

Tom spend a moment thinking of the way she had spoken to him earlier in Ben's home. He was livid at Ben for saying nothing but in some recess of his mind, he knew why the other man had done it, it was not his place to tell Tom. Danielle had been cold and blunt to him but when he asked her if she needed anything, if they were okay, she softened, ever so slightly. He knew Ben was right about Danielle not wanting anything to do with him, she had integrity and self-respect, she would not allow herself be made a fool of again but he wanted to be at the very least on talking terms with her. If he kept on the right side of this, he felt they could erase the contact only through solicitors and just sort something between themselves. 

He looked around and thought of how the house was designed and realised it was not child-friendly. It wasn't even baby-friendly. He sent Ben a text even though he wanted to argue with him over the situation, he knew better than to do so as Ben was trying to get him to organise himself enough to be ready for the baby, so he asked what books on parenting he could recommend and how to prepare a house for a baby. He then decided to check what was available in the area that could perhaps be better and went to Google. He also decided to look at close to his mother's for a small place to stay when he visited as it would be crowded were he to go at the same time as his sisters and with Emma wanting to eviscerate him, he didn't want to be causing any further issues there. When he Googled realtors in that area for houses, he was startled by the beautiful three-bedroom house they declared to be a ‘must-see’, a house he knew intricately. Each room was shown to its full potential, including the bedroom he loved to wake up in, next to the woman he loved. He felt himself get angry that Danielle was selling the house. He felt as though it was wrong, surely she would want it so to visit Diana with the baby? Why would she sell it? The next thought that he had filled him with fear, the idea of her returning to Ireland with the baby, or even before it was born. He knew there was talk of an Irish office, Danielle was the one leading the scouting for it in January. Without him, she could very easily have decided to go herself. She had stated to Safeguard that they would even benefit from having their offices outside of Dublin, that Shannon airport allowed them a location in cheaper areas like Limerick and Galway. She had mentioned Galway and it would be so easy for her there, it was home. He couldn't have their child, his son or daughter raised in another country, he would not get to be involved then. Seeing it every month or so for an afternoon, overnight if he was lucky, that idea struck fear into him. 

*

 

Danielle looked at the letter she had received from her legal team as she sat at her desk, having dealt with her office work for the time being. Tom had started the process, that was as she had expected. He was not being intrusive or demanding, he respectfully asked what he was being permitted to be involved in and informing her of his show schedule in case she needed it. 

She did not know what to say back to his requests if she was honest. She had expected some form of conflict, yet he was being entirely respectful. She knew it meant that as much as she wanted to be cold, she could not be, she had to mirror his actions, it was only right. Nacelle had been right regarding this linking her to him for the rest of her life and she was seeing how true that was. She didn’t want to have to see him, but she knew that by choosing to keep the baby, she had decided this and had to accept it, no matter what her opinion on him. 

Seeing him in Ben and Sophie’s had not been something she had been expecting to happen, and in some respects, it was probably for the better, but she hated it. Seeing him, having to look at him, even hearing his voice, was hard. When he walked over to her as she tried to leave, she tried to stay cold, but she knew looking at him, he genuinely was asking after her and the baby. She didn’t want anything from him, she meant it, but the letter stated clearly, any maternity-related expenses, hospital or otherwise, he would pay half. He also wished to know if she needed assistance in any manner with anything else, that she had been the one to sort a lot to do with the wedding, so with the deposits being non-refundable, he wanted to do the right thing and reimburse her, that she should not be out of pocket for anything. She felt a pang of anger again at that. 

She recalled the wretched sensation of calling the different businesses they had booked for their wedding and cancelling their services, it made her feel more of a failure. She didn’t care about the money, she would pay it a hundred times the amounts lost to never have gone through what she did and Tom simply stated he wanted to go elsewhere. She would willingly be in debt for the rest of her life if nothing had ever happened, if she had rung him that time and instead of being with a woman in some hotel room, he was in the departures lounge waiting for his flight. They would be in their home, her waiting for him to finish his shows for the day, his dinner ready and waking in the mornings to his hand on her stomach. Her having to call Nacelle’s friend and telling her the dress needed to be in a maternity style instead, their news being a celebration, but it was not to be. 

She was pulled from her negative thoughts when the realtor she was dealing with for her house rang her. “Hello?”

“Ms Hughes, is this a good time?”

“Yes, please, talk away.” 

“I got an offer for your house from the Jacobs, the only issue is, they are hoping you could go down twenty-five thousand?”

Danielle’s eyes widened. “That’s a considerable reduction.” She stated. “I could argue five or ten thousand perhaps, but twenty-five? I am trying to buy in London, no, not happening.”

“They won’t buy for that price.”

“And I won’t sell for that price, so we are at an impasse, tell them that I say thanks but no thanks.” 

“There are one or two other interested parties.” 

“Well, see if they are inclined to pay a reasonable price.” She answered. “I’m afraid I have to go here. Thank you, Ms Gluck.” She hung up the phone and sighed, getting to her feet and collecting her jacket so to bring Mac and Bobby to the bathroom, having brought them with her to work that day, wondering how she would deal with her housing predicament.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Danielle begin to deal with baby-related things.

Danielle walked through the park thinking of nothing in particular. She had her headphones in, her music on and wearing a jacket that prevented anyone from seeing even a hint of a bump. Mac and Bobby were excitedly sniffing and marking every other blade of grass around them and saying hello to every dog and human they came across doing it. She wasn’t too bothered by their relaxed pace, she was having a pleasant time listening to her music and just walking. Her hips and back were beginning to notice the difference in her centre of balance and the weight they were being forced to deal with and it meant she didn’t want to push herself. 

 

In one of the quieter areas of the park, the dogs began to pull backwards causing Danielle to curse them for a moment before turning to see what it was that had caused them to misbehave. She sighed and pursed her lips together as their excitement, mixed with who she suspected the man jogging towards them was, only for it to be confirmed a moment later. 

 

Seeing her looking at him, Tom slowed to a walk, causing Mac and Bobby to wag their tails furiously and try and urge Danielle to their other master. “No.” Both dogs paused. “No, pulling.” He ordered. 

 

“They don’t actually understand English.” 

 

“Still, they cannot pull you.” He looked at her covered stomach which very much just looked like she was wearing an oversized unshapely design, but knowing there was a bump inside the jacket, he focused on it for a moment. He forced himself to look at her face only to see her looking to the side. “I’m sorry to have interrupted your walk.”   
  
“It’s not like you knew I was here.”   
  
“No, but still.” He knew when Danielle walked with her headphones in, that was her taking time for herself. 

 

“Do you come here a lot?”   
  
“No, just when I am working this play, it’s the closest.”

 

“Fair enough.” She continued to look anywhere but at him. 

 

“Elle…” She finally looked at him, but only to give him a warning glare. “Sorry, Danielle, thank you for responding so quickly to my requests.” 

 

Danielle chewed her cheek for a moment, looking around to see if they still had some modicum of privacy. “We will have it discussed more but we should be able to get our teams to come to some arrangement.”

 

“Danielle, please, is there any way we can try and discuss parts of this more openly. I...it just seems wrong. We need to be able to be seen to talk to one another, for the baby.” 

 

“I will post those ultrasound pictures directly to you, you won’t have to wait so long then.” Was all she gave in response. 

 

Tom, seeing it was the best he was going to get and that she had not simply stated no outright, he gave a grateful smile. “Thank you.” She nodded. “You stated you do not need anything. Are you sure?”   
  
“I’m fine.”   
  
“If you think of anything, just please, do not hesitate to let me know. You have the details for my legal team, or if you wish, you have my number.” He stated. Seeing she was becoming uncomfortable, or more so as the case may be, he accepted the situation. “I will be running here a few times a week. I’ll keep to the main track and it will be only at about this time, so I’ll do my best to avoid you, alright?”   
  
“Thank you.”   
  
Heartbroken at the relief in her voice at that, but knowing why she felt so, he nodded slightly before inhaling deeply. “I better get back to this.” He went to go but Bobby started trying to go after him. “Stay,” Tom ordered but the dog could not comprehend why he was leaving them. Mac looked anxious too but being more loyal to Danielle, he was not as vocal. “No.”   
  
“Perhaps it’s time to consider this situation,” Danielle commented. “It’s clear he prefers you.”   
  
“Mac whines for you.”   
  
“Then we clearly have a solution.”   
  
“You mean, split...no, we can’t split them?” Tom baulked at the idea, the dogs were so close. 

 

“This cannot continue. I don’t want it to. I think it is time to accept it and you take him, I take Mac. If you go away for work, I can see about looking after him, but as it stands...I can’t do this anymore and it is going to get harder soon.” She walked over and handed the lead to Tom.   
  
“No...Danielle no. You love him.” She said nothing. “You do, don’t you?” He remembered the day they were no longer forced to stay separated until the puppy’s vaccinations were effective. The look on her face as she cuddled him. The day they picked him from the litter and he toyed with her hair. The day they first brought him to the beach, his first trip to Suffolk, even the day he got his snip, the way Danielle acted with him, comforting him after his ordeal. 

 

“I do, of course. But this is not working, it’s for the best.” She walked off with just Mac in tow. Bobby sitting beside Tom looking up at him happily, elated to have his second owner back, though curious as to where Danielle and Mac were going without them. 

 

Tom looked down at Bobby, who seemed excited to see him. He felt terrible. Everything, even three months later, was still falling apart and it was his fault. He ran after her. “I have nothing for him and you cannot just separate them like this, they need each other.”   
  
“They are dogs. They’re not like people. They accept change quicker.”   
  
“Danielle, please. Take him. We can organise things better, here is not the place to deal with it.”  She took the lead back. “I will have my team talk to yours if you wish, but please, don’t do this to them. He has never known anything other than having Mac and I don’t want to split them.” He looked her in the eye, seeing the conflict she had in them. He also noticed people walking towards them and not wanting there to be a scene or for them to even realise what was the situation in front of them, he glanced back at her again. “We can discuss it however you like, but not right this moment, with reflection.” He stated before giving her one last polite smile and readying to leave. “Thank you, and I eagerly await that post.” He turned and jogged off the opposite direction leaving Danielle feeling emotionally tumultuous in his wake. 

 

*

 

Danielle searched for her first scan pictures. She already had two scans, so she wanted to have a picture from both so that he could see the development of the baby as much as he could from his position. She wanted to post them both as soon as possible, but she also thought of the following week, where she would get the most detailed scan to date. It was to ensure there was nothing wrong with the baby and with the offer, if possible, to tell the gender. She had not even considered that. It would give a good picture of the baby and personally, she was looking forward to it, if only to see how her little one was doing. She had cherished the moment it was onscreen in her previous scan where it was moving slightly. That had cemented her love for it immediately. Her little boy or girl, who was exploring its little world so curiously, if even unknowingly. She loved reading that in her pregnancy book, seeing what it looked like, what size it was and how it was developing within her. 

 

She found the pictures, she chose one and cut it from the rest, before writing on a label the information to go on the back of it to give Tom the details he needed regarding it. The gestational length, it’s measurements, the date it was done. She did the same with the second scan and placed them in the envelope with some cardboard flat on both sides of them to prevent them folding and creasing and looked at the front of the envelope, sighing and writing his name, address and postcode on it and looking at it. She would have to do the same again the week after with the new pictures. She chewed her lip and groaned, leaning back and rubbing her hands over her face. 

 

She took out her phone and looked at it for a moment. She thought over Tom’s words. How they needed to at least attempt to put on a front of some form of communication in front of their child. She thought of what everyone else around her said, Diana, Nacelle, Beck, Emma, Jack, Sarah, Ben, Sophie, Mark, Lucas, all of them said the same thing, that she would spend her life talking with him after the baby was born.

 

With that in mind, she went to the settings of her phone and went to the ‘reject calls’ section before getting the number she had blocked the day her life had turned to shit and clicked on the small x beside it before the phone erased it from her blocked numbers list and she closed the settings page. She looked at the phone for a moment and thought about what she had just done. A moment later, she went to messages. There, she pressed ‘compose’ and paused again before typing the number she needed, now deleted from her phone, but long committed to memory. She paused, not sure if this was the best thing to do before she allowed herself to begin to type. It was not a long message, but its significance was notable. 

 

_If I contact you via message, it is not simply for chatting but to discuss a matter regarding the dogs or the baby. You are not to ring me, you are not to attempt a conversation outside of such and above all, you are not to reference your actions, is that clear?_

 

She looked at it apprehensively for a moment before clicking ‘send’. She all but threw the phone at the cushion next to her before thinking over what she had done. With a deep breath to soothe herself, Danielle reminded herself, it was just as simple as going back into settings if he started anything she was uncomfortable with, so she just waited. 

 

It was over ten minutes later when her phone chimed. She picked it up apprehensively. 

 

**Nothing else, I promise. Thank you.**

 

For a moment, Danielle thought of sending him a message regarding a promise from him meaning nothing, but she stopped herself. It would do no good, as much as it stoked her anger. 

 

**I know a promise from me means nothing but I will not risk this chance to be involved in our baby’s life. I will honour your wish fully.**

 

Terrified of whether or not she was doing the right thing, she typed. 

 

_The itinerary I was given, that is still accurate, is it not?_

 

**It should be.**

 

_So you are free on Wednesday morning?_

 

**I am.**

 

_I have the anomaly scan then. You can come if you would like, but you must go the back entrance to the hospital and do not be late._

 

**Please. What time?**

 

_Twenty past ten. There are directions to the ultrasound area. You give your name to the man at the desk and who you are there for. It is Dr Rose who is doing it, and obviously, my name._

 

**Thank you. I will be there.**

 

Danielle did not respond. Instead, she spent the remainder of the day wondering if she had done the right thing. This would necessitate her being in close proximity to Tom, something she dreaded, but it was clear, he was very much interested in the baby and it was only right for him to see the baby. She just hoped she would not regret it. 

 

She gently skimmed her fingers over her rounded stomach, smiling at how much it was growing. As she pondered her dilemma regarding Tom, she felt something, the faintest of movements from within her. She froze and waited with bated breath before a second movement and a third occurred. She bit her lips together at getting to feel her child move for the first time. Gutted she was alone and unable to share it with anyone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom goes to Danielle's scan with her, learning a lot about their baby in the process, but he soon realises their baby and them are two entirely different things in her mind.

Tom pressed the car lock button and looked at the hospital in front of him. It was a sterile-looking building, as many hospitals tend to be. He walked to the entrance that Danielle had instructed, noticing her Jaguar estate in the car park, the back of which was filled with boxes. He worried about her carrying heavy loads at twenty weeks pregnant but he knew he didn't have time to dally, he needed to be on time. He walked the route she explained to him and got to the security desk. 

“Name?” The security guard didn't even look at him. 

“Tom Hiddleston.”

“Patient?”

“Danielle Hughes.”

“Department?”

“Ultrasound.”

“Which doctor?”

“Dr Rose.” Tom was not one to frequent hospitals overly often but he felt the man could at least look at him. 

The man handed him a sticker freshly printed from the machine. “Go up the corridor, take the elevator to the second floor, get out, turn left, go halfway down and it will be on the left.” He instructed. 

“Thank you.” Tom took the sticker and placed it on himself before doing as instructed. He looked at his watch and was relieved to see that he was not late. He entered the waiting area and was met with Danielle reading over something with a pen in her hand and her glasses slipping down her nose. She looked up in him entering and gave a small nod in recognition. “Hello.”

“Hi.” She went back to her paperwork. 

“Thank you for letting me come today.”

“Sure.”

Seeing she was in no humour to attempt conversation, he did not disturb her again and instead sat on the same row of chairs as her not overly close to her. She seemed to eye him for a moment without raising her head before continuing her work. 

In many respects, Tom was grateful there was no one else in the waiting room. The tension in the air was palpable. When the doctor came in, Danielle all but jumped to her feet causing Tom to fret for a moment that something was wrong. The doctor also seemed to realise such a reaction was dramatic and looked between the pair. “Ms Hughes, how are you today? And you must be the father?” She extended her hand. “I’m Doctor Rose.” 

Tom leant forward and took it. “Tom Hiddleston, yes.”

“Very good, at least you made the big scan.” The doctor directed them through the small corridor to the examination room. Danielle sat on the side of a large bed while the doctor indicated for Tom to sit in a chair. “How have you been, has the nausea ceased?” 

 

“Yes, thankfully. I am starting to get minor backache but overall fine. Tired a lot.” 

“Completely normal.” The woman put the cuff of the sphygmomanometer around Danielle’s arm as they spoke. “What about your general health, do you feel alright?”

“I don’t think I am showing any signs of gestational diabetes but I am feeling light-headed a lot, as well as just being completely drained.” 

The doctor nodded for a moment and put her stethoscope to the bend in Danielle's arm as the machine filled the cuff with air then released it to get her blood pressure. “Yes, you are currently 108 over 60, your blood pressure is a little on the low side. You have been taking iron supplements, haven’t you?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well, the only thing as worrisome as high blood pressure is low, so we need to keep an eye on that. I would suggest you go and get a haemoglobin test done today too, it's better to be overcautious. Do you feel you are going to the bathroom more?”

“I am going more frequently, but the volume in versus volume out seems consistent. I just have no ability to hold it longer than twenty minutes.”

The doctor gave a reassuring smile. “Entirely normal, some babies seem to use bladders as a form of a waterbed and with how low your little one is, it would seem that it is one of said type of babies. Why don't we take a look at how things are and see how this baby is faring?”

She took off the cuff and instructed Danielle to lay on the bed, readying the machine as Danielle lifted her top and pulled down the elasticated waist of her maternity pants. 

Tom looked with keen interest at Danielle's swollen stomach. There were a few red marks starting to make their way onto her skin, small ones but present nonetheless. Seeing her once flat stomach, flat as a result of her training for her IronMan and keeping fit for the wedding after, now bulging in a curve to house the baby within, she never looked more beautiful. He swallowed and bit his lips together. He should be seeing her like this every day, he should be in their home with her, documenting the baby’s growth, talking to it, getting it to hear his voice. It will be able to notice outside sounds soon, and it is more likely to hear Ben’s voice than his. He had wanted nothing more than to take back what he did to her before, but now...now he felt nothing was more soul-crushing than realising what he had lost, what he had thrown away, for nothing. He watched as Dr Rose apologised for the gel being cold as she put it on Danielle’s stomach and circled it around. His attention then went to the screen that was placed closer to Danielle to make sure she would see it from the bed, yet angled in a way he could see too. The image was grainy at first, it was hard to see anything in particular, but then the doctor started clicking the ball on the keyboard area of the device in front of her with one hand as the other moved the wand of the device over Danielle’s lower abdomen. 

That was when he began to see what it was the doctor was doing. She measured everything, from the length of limbs to the circumference of the head. She left no part of their baby without calculation. She said nothing as she worked for a few minutes before a little limb jolted slightly and she chuckled. “Are you feeling a few movements?”

“With less than a week. It’s odd, they are so faint, I have to be sitting still to even feel them.” Danielle smiled in return. 

“They get far stronger with time. You need to be feeling them every so often now. It is getting to the stage where it is getting a little less spacious in there, so the movements it has been making all along become more obvious.” The doctor explained. 

Tom could say nothing to add to the conversation. Danielle had not told him she had begun to feel the baby move. He was envious, he was missing everything and there was nothing he could do about it. 

When she finished her work on the measurements, the doctor went back over the baby and explained a few things,confirming there was no reason to suspect there was anything untoward with the baby’s physical appearance that would suggest further testing would be required, making sure to include Tom in the conversation, something he was entirely grateful for. “Have you been doing your homework, Dad?” She asked when she was finished talking about the size being on schedule.

For a moment, Tom was worried there was something he was required to do for this that he had forgotten or which Danielle had not purposely told him about. “Homework?”

“Have you been reading any of the books?”

“Baby books? Yes, I have.” He smiled, realising it was more of a general statement. 

“Good, so you know that baby is covered in light little hairs now.”

“Vernix Caseosa.” He recalled it immediately. 

The doctor’s face showed her shock that he had it so accurate. “Yes, that’s right. It will shed this, of course, closer to the birth.” She explained. “Not all fathers are as educated on these things.”

“Not all fathers are prone to being in the need to be ready for everything. Tom is incredibly prone to reading everything he can on anything for any role he needs. This will be his most important one so I would expect nothing less.” 

Tom looked at Danielle who was looking at the screen intently. For her to say something like that in that manner shocked him. He was convinced she was barely able to bite back some comment about him being a terrible person, but instead, she seemed happy he was looking into how their baby was developing. 

“Well, I wish more men were so thorough, I get asked the weirdest things sometimes.” The doctor laughed. 

“Is it true you can tell the gender at this stage?” Tom asked. 

“Yes, usually the genitalia is developed enough in a boy that should there be a set of testes, they are easily distinguished if the umbilical cord is not in the way or if the legs are not crossed.” The doctor stated. She swept the wand over Danielle’s stomach again and focused on one area. “Your little one is very much telling us what it is. The legs are out of the way and the umbilical cord is not there either, so if you would like to know, then I can tell you?” She looked between them. 

Tom looked hopefully at Danielle, praying silently that she would consent to being told. He wanted to know, but clearly, she was apprehensive. She inhaled for a moment, clearly thinking it over before exhaling and giving a nod. “I would say, just write it down for him and don’t tell me, but he’ll let it slip, or he’ll tell his sister and I’ll hear it that way, I may as well hear it now and start going mad buying too much stuff...only to realise the scan was wrong when it arrives.” Danielle scoffed. 

“Well, there is always a chance I am wrong. Though this one does seem one of the more open and shut cases, I would put it at about ninety-seven per cent certain.” The doctor stated. She waited again for Danielle to give her consent, which she did. “It’s a girl.” 

Tom felt the wind being shoved from his lungs. A little girl, they had a daughter. His own little princess. His mind barely grasped it. He could only try and process it. He looked to Danielle who was nodding to herself and smiling slightly. He didn’t know if it was that she would have rather waited or if she had wanted it to be a boy, but something was clearly not sitting fully with her and it worried him a little. 

The doctor gave her a moment to clean the gel off as the pictures printed from the machine, handing them to Tom as Danielle righted herself. Tom thanked her for her time and looked at the pictures in from of him. Black and white images of their daughter. Already, he was wondering what she would look like. He hampered brown hair, blue eyes and small little curls was most likely, but he couldn’t wait to see and no matter what, she would be his beautiful girl, he didn’t care what physical traits she had. 

The doctor gave Danielle her file and told her to go to the midwives clinic, that she would ring ahead and tell them that she would be waiting in one of the private rooms to get her blood taken to keep on top of her blood pressure. Giving her thanks, Danielle walked out of the office, her next appointment date in hand. Tom thanking the doctor also, the ultrasound pictures in his. He followed her through the halls, having forgotten the way up. When they got to the room she was told to go to, Danielle entered, Tom followed immediately after. 

“You don’t need to be present for this, this is literally me getting my blood taken.” She explained. 

“Thank you, for letting me find out, for all of this.” 

“It’s fine.” She looked at the wall. “I’ll take those.” She indicated to the pictures in his hand. Reluctantly, he gave them over. He watched as she took a small scissors from the desk and cut off the last one for him, a picture that had the hands and face, one of the better ones. He extended her hand with it in it. “Nacelle is making a collage of all my pregnancy stuff to give to the baby when she gets older.” She explained. “So I am not hoarding them.”

“No, I am just grateful to get any at all, thank you.” 

Danielle looked at him for a moment but said nothing. In his attempts to not piss her off, Tom was being nothing short of meek. It was equal parts annoying and insulting. He was not the confident man she had loved so dearly, but she could not concern herself with that any longer, after all, it had been him that had ruined everything. This would be an entirely different scenario had he never done what he did. 

The midwife came in and took the blood, telling Danielle what she had to look out for and what the hospital would want her to alert them to, should it arise. 

Not entirely comfortable that Tom was there, Danielle walked to the carpark. Part of her was worried they’d be seen, the other part just because he was there. When she got to her car, she paused, he did similarly. She just looked at her car. 

“Thank you, for this, for texting me about today, for giving me these, for letting me find out about her gender.” 

It felt like a long-playing record to Danielle. “It’s fine.” 

Tom wanted her to speak more. Her words in the scan room told him she was at least some bit confident in his seriousness about his part in their daughter’s life. “You don’t have to carry any of that, do you?” He indicated to the boxes. 

“No, I just have the biggest vehicle to transport them, the guys will unload them.” She assured him. She felt her phone vibrate and pulled it out. Reading what the email stated, she nodded and said nothing. 

“Everything okay?”

“Everything is fine.” 

“Danielle, please, I just want to help in any way I can. Be involved in any way I can. Be there for both of you. We need to prepare for her.”

“I am prepared. I have everything I need. You just need to think about the things she’ll need when she sees you.” 

Tom felt himself wince at her words. “But we…”

“There is no ‘we’, Tom. There is me and this baby, there is you and this baby but there is not a ‘you and I’ situation of any kind here. I am merely doing this because she deserves her father in her life; because what you did, you did to me, not her but that does not mean for one minute I am going to play happy families about it.” She got into the car and turned on the engine, and drove off.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danielle has to go to Ireland for work, leading her to initiate contact with Tom again and Tom having to tell Luke.

It had been almost two weeks since Tom and Danielle spoke in the car park after the scan appointment. There had been no contact of any kind in that period between the pair. He had just finished the matinée show of the play and was in the dressing room, Bobby and Mac on their beds, relaxing when his phone went off. He walked over and looked at it. 

 

_ I am in Ireland for two weeks working, I may very well be seen, it is supposed to be remote enough but people have this habit of going to film sets and it is too damn warm for a jacket. Do I need to talk to Luke or have you told him already in case a statement needs to be issued? _

 

**I will contact him, what is it you would like him to say if it gets out?**

 

_ Just that I would like my privacy. That yes, you are going to be a father, I am the mother and I am not interested in being bothered. _

 

**I will sort it right now.**

 

_ Thank you. _

 

**Safe travels.**

 

She did not respond to that. It once more fed the worry he had that she would feel better having their baby in Ireland or thinking of moving there as soon as it was born. He had fretted more than once about it but knew he could not approach her about it. 

 

He got up Luke’s number and pressed the call button. “Tom?”   
  


“Luke, are you free?”

 

“Why, what’s happened?”   
  
Tom sighed. Like while he was with and after Taylor, Luke was now seemingly terrified of what phone calls and meeting with him would entail. “I need to discuss a serious matter with you.”   
  
“How serious?”   
  
“Very. World-changing, but for the better.”   
  
“How fast can you get here?”   
  
“Can I bring the dogs?”   
  
“I have a meeting at six, move.” Luke hung up the phone. 

 

Tom looked at the dogs, Mac was asleep but Bobby was eyeing him carefully. “Boys, car.” He had barely said the word when both dogs rushed to their feet and were by his side, ready to have their leads clipped on. 

 

*

 

Luke stared blankly at his friend/client. “I’m sorry, you’ve lost me, Danielle is what?”   
  
“Twenty-one and a half weeks pregnant with my daughter.” 

 

“She….she was pregnant when you…? Could you be any more of a slimeball?”    
  
“Probably not, no. We didn’t know, she only found out after when she was feeling ill.” 

 

“And she is involving you?”   
  
“As best she can.”   
  
“She’s a bigger person than me.” Tom looked at him, hurt at the statement. “She is letting you be a father and asking nothing of you when so many women would take you to the cleaners or banned your involvement entirely.” Luke pointed out. “Why am I only being told this now?”   
  
“Because she needs to go to Ireland for work and she is worried her stomach will be noted.”   
  
“Should she still be doing that job halfway through a pregnancy?”   
  
“She’s dealing with finding a new office in Ireland, because of this Brexit farce.” Tom had weaselled that much out of Ben, who was not inclined to tell him too much of Danielle’s business, but knew that he would be concerned she would be doing something stupid while pregnant.

  
“Is she moving there?” Luke asked worriedly. 

 

“Fuck, I hope not. I don’t know, but as the most knowledgeable person in the area, they had her in charge of it before everything and she seems to be still the one spearheading it now,” Tom explained. “Can you do that statement?”   
  
“Can I write a statement? Obviously, that is my job. Will anyone listen to her request for privacy? Not a fucking hope.” Tom’s face fell. “This is huge news in general. If you two were still together and getting married in June, like you were meant to, this would have been huge. You two having a baby together after your little stunt, that...that will feed the wolves aplenty and they will focus a hundred and ten per cent on her.” 

 

“I ruined everything.” Tom had admitted that so many times since, to himself and to others, but it never felt as true as when he found out about his daughter.    
“We established that tidbit back in January,” Luke growled. Though Luke was Tom’s friend, he had genuinely become friendly with Danielle and thought there were very few women like her, a genuine and good person, so Tom’s actions infuriated and sickened him and he was always willing to inform Tom of such. He shook his head. “Now this as well. Poor Elle.”

 

“Do what you can, Luke. Please.”

 

Luke nodded. “So, a little girl?” Tom nodded. “How...I don't know what to say, honestly.”

 

“There’s not much to say. All that matters now is her and I will do what I have to do to protect her, and her mother. They are my priority.”

 

“How are things with you and Danielle?”

 

“Tumultuous.”

 

“But she is involving you, that's something. I'll deal with this, you go back to the Pinter.” Luke ordered. “And I guess, congratulations?”

 

Tom smiled. “I honestly...it's incredible. I have a little girl.”

 

Seeing a genuine smile and actual happiness in Tom's face, Luke gave him a small smile back. He was worried that Tom would go into a spiral of self-destruction without something to ground him  after everything but it was clear he was focusing on the baby. “When will she be here?”

 

“Late August. The scan says the 23rd, but you know babies.” 

 

“Any time in the month of August, maybe early September.” Luke nodded. “Are you ready for this role?”

 

“Nowhere near ready but life isn't waiting for me to be ready. She decided she wants to be born and we can't stop her.”

 

“How is Elle dealing with this?” 

 

Tom looked at the ground. “She allowed me to the anomaly scan and I am the one that wanted to know the gender but very distant overall, obviously. I got her from talking only through legal teams to texting only the important things, so that is a win in my book.”

 

“It shouldn't be like this.” Luke did not mean to say that aloud but when he realised that he had, he did not retract it. “How are your parents about it all?”

 

Tom's shame only increased. “My father thinks I'm a 'fucking disgrace’. That I ruined everything and that I have caused my child to grow up in a broken situation.” He rubbed his hands over one another as he recalled the day he went to tell his father that there was another grandchild coming, knowing the stern older man would not be pleased, though the sheer irate words his father stated were harsher than he had anticipated since James too had a soft spot for Danielle. “My mother cannot look me in the eye and cries as a result of my actions so what do you think? She is heartbroken because she loves Danielle, because my daughter will only know her parents fighting and because Danielle has put the house for sale and now they won't even be staying next door every few weekends.” Luke was not the least bit surprised at Tom's summary. “And don't get me started on Emma. She literally hates me and makes sure I know it. She won't allow me in my mother's house at the same time as Lucy, she tells me Danielle was always too good for me, that she always knew I'd fuck up and that my daughter would do well to have as little to do with me as humanly possible. So to say this is a shitfest is an understatement and I only have myself to blame.”

 

Seeing him suffer enough guilt from his family, Luke said nothing of the backlash from many of his fans which he knew would intensify as soon as Danielle was seen with her bump. “You can only try and make things right for your child now. She needs her father to be a pillar of support to her and indeed her mother.”

 

“That's what Ben said. Keep my nose clean. Do a professional job on everything. Just keep myself together and prove that I am reliable as a father.”

 

“Ben's right on the money.” Luke acknowledged. “Danielle is a strong woman who is very rightly hurt but she knows that little girl needs you. Show her your fuck up with her won't be repeated with your daughter. Is there talk of a name for this little one yet?”

 

“I don't know. I can only hope I can broach the subject with her and pray I get an input. I wouldn't be surprised if she gave her a complex Irish name just to spite me now.”

 

“I think it is clear to see from all of this that Danielle isn't petty. If she chooses one of those names, it's because she actually likes it.” Luke dismissed. “And of course, choosing a native name is normal.” 

 

“But it makes life hard outside of your native country for repeating it constantly.”

 

“Then get used to that. If she decides she wants an Irish oddly spelt name, you're going to spend the rest of your working life having presenters mispronounce it and having to correct them.’” Luke stated plainly. “And I will have to have a post-it on my computer with it until I learn to spell the damn thing.”

 

Tom just gave a small smile at that image, but it did beg the question of his daughter’s name and if Danielle would allow him a part in choosing it, and even more of an issue, what surname she would have, her mother’s, his, or both. 

 

He was about to voice that concern to Luke when his phone went off, startling them both slightly. He pulled it out and swallowed before answering. “Hello?” 

 

“Mr Hiddleston, I am Frank Stobart of Castle auctioneers, I am just calling you about that house you wanted to put an offer on.”   
  
“Yes?”    
  
“The last interested party would not put an offer close to the asking price, I wanted to know if you were still interested, and if so, do you want to make an offer?”   
  
“Yes, asking price.”   
  
“Ask…are you sure?” 

 

“Yes, I am. That house is perfect. If that’s what they are asking, I will pay it.”    
  
“Very well, Sir. I will inform the owners of your offer and let you know what they say. Have a great day.”

 

“Thank you, Mr Stobart, I look forward to speaking to you again.” Tom hung up the phone. 

 

“Getting a new house?”   
  
“My current one is not overly child-friendly. I want my little girl to be safe and have the space she needs. That house is perfect and in a great neighbourhood.”    
  
“How many bedrooms?” 

 

“There were three, but one is converted to a small office, I can convert it back if needed, but as it stands, it is good as is.”    
  
“Well, good to see you are taking this seriously.” Luke commended. 

 

“I have to, she is the most important person in my world now and I need to show Danielle that I am serious, that my past wrongdoings will not be repeated, that she can depend on me.” 

 

Luke looked at Tom’s face and realised that Tom was nowhere close to even getting over the situation with Danielle and hoped that he was not harbouring any ideas that Danielle would come to the conclusion that she should restart her relationship with him as a result of the baby, because there was little to no chance that could ever happen and he did not wish for Tom to think otherwise. 

 

*

 

Danielle groaned. Selling her house was harder than she needed it to be. She was looking at a nice apartment for herself and the baby in Camden. It was quite expensive but in a good area and close to her friends, something she needed to take into account. It would do them both for a considerable time. The two bedrooms would house them until her daughter was a teen. She smiled at her bump. She had wanted to wait until the baby was born to find out what it was, but in a moment of weakness, she gave in to Tom’s pleading face. A daughter, a little girl. She was happy with that in many respects, but she fretted that she was not overly girlie and how that would affect her daughter. The other issue that bothered her was the fact that she knew the role her father had in raising her. He was not overly hands-on as a father in that he was not the sort to change nappies, sit and colour with her, or anything, but he was the sort to teach her how a man should treat his significant other, how to respect women, and though he was not great at certain aspects of raising a little girl, she always felt she had his support, especially after she was assaulted. He would bring her to the practice with him or to a call if her mother was otherwise busy, and spend time talking to her, even if it was just to tell her what he was doing with the dog or cat in front of them. She loved their bond and seeing how her parents were together. Her situation, on the other hand, was anything but similar. The day would come when her daughter would ask why she and Tom were not married, or not together like her friends' parents. Or even worse, when she would be old enough to use Google and see what happened. She would not see how people are supposed to respect their partners, she would see her father had been nothing short of cruel and she feared how that would develop her opinion of men and her sense of self. She was terrified she was setting her daughter up for self-worth issues when she would realise her father cheated on her pregnant mother. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danielle goes to Ireland, leading her to think over her options. While Tom thinks about their baby and potential names, leading him to venture to discuss them with her.

Danielle was not spotted on set while she was in Ireland, much to her own relief and indeed Tom and Luke’s. She was also relieved that a suitable offer was made on her Suffolk home. One she could accept, though it was too late for her Camden apartment, much to her chagrin. But she would have the money for the next good suitable home for her and her daughter. 

 

When she was in Ireland, she stayed in the house in Connemara. There was a considerable part of her genuinely considered just taking the head role in the new Irish office, getting it for Galway and using her money from her house sale to buy out her aunt and uncle and raise her daughter in the parish she grew up in, away from London, the world of cameras and attention and give her, what she considered a healthy childhood. Learning Irish dancing, speaking in Irish and not knowing the busy city world and all the negatives of it. She was so tempted, she even went so far as to see if she could get something in Galway for Safeguard and what she would need to do to transfer her life and her hospital appointments to Galway hospital. She wanted to do it so badly, but she could not. Her support base was in London, as much as it galled her to admit it. She needed Sophie and Ben, Emma and Jack, and Nacelle and Becky. She needed them to help her raise her daughter, and as much as she wanted to pretend she didn’t, her daughter should have Tom in her life. That particular argument was one she did not admit to at first. Part of her wanted to think that Tom would be of no good influence on their daughter, but she knew in her heart, she was wrong. He read the books, that she had not expected yet was by no means surprised by. He was going above what most men would to try and be a part of the baby’s life. He was tip-toeing around her to prevent her from rescinding his being there during the pregnancy. 

 

Becky had told her that as soon as her daughter was born, Tom could and would legally be able to file for visitation, rights, even joint custody if he wanted. If she wanted to keep this private, she would have to come to an agreement herself with him, and should either party be seen by a judge to be unreasonable with their demands or with not allowing reasonable ones, that would not be in the unreasonable party’s favour, translation, be decent and don’t drag this in front of the world, as much as she loathed Tom for what he did. 

 

She also pointed out that the baby’s name would need to be decided on. “Hughes” would cause Tom issues if he wanted to bring her somewhere, “Hiddleston” could do the same for her. But a mix of both would be long-winded in Danielle’s opinion. “Hughes-Hiddleston” sounded ridiculous. “Hiddleston-Hughes” sounded more reasonable, but even writing it, she knew on forms the Hughes part would get cut out a lot because of space issues. She rubbed her hands over her face. If Tom hadn’t done what he did, this would not be an issue, she would be Hiddleston, just like her mother and father. Of late, her heartache at Tom’s actions had turned to anger. His attempts to speak to her annoyed her. It felt like he was trying to pretend that it never happened, when, even with moving on with work and such, she could not stop thinking about it. 

 

Now she had a baby with him. She woke every morning to her bump, she felt her daughter moving in her. She was, as Nacelle said she would be, tied to him for life. For everything that happened, she would not regret her daughter. She would love her, no matter what. If she looked like a female Tom, if she was just like her father personality-wise, even if it meant having to smile when she was beside him in a picture, she would do it, for her. 

 

That left her with the next decision. The name. Naming was supposed to be a rite of passage, arguing with one's significant other about why some name was not an option because it sounded like something chambermaid of some Middle-ages monarch would have, but she could not do that. That meant a full conversation with Tom on names, and she knew already the issue would arise about the Irish names she liked. She wasn’t overly gone on popular English (though not always in origin) names, Poppy, Daisy, Olivia, Amelia, Elizabeth, Charlotte, sure they were nice normal names if you like them, but she didn’t. She wanted Irish. But Irish did not do simplistic spelling and pronouncing unless you Anglicised it, and that was one of her pet-peeves, Irish was not meant to be Anglicised. It was petty, she knew, but she just felt there was a true way to spell it and it should stick to it. Yet, she would be fairly sure Tom would argue that Maebh Hiddleston-Hughes or Sadhbh, or Aoibheann were not names he would want for their daughter unless he really had lost his balls since she left him and would not object for fear of annoying her. She could give it a go. Maebh Hiddleston-Hughes sounded nice, Sadhbh, not so much, but she liked that. She leant back and groaned. 

 

She would do anything to stop this madness but it was not up to her, per se. Sure she could forgive him, theoretically, since apparently, he and even his tart said it didn’t go past kissing and heavy petting, but it was betrayal and he confessed also that he had intended on going further but for her stopping him with her call. Not to mention, what precedent would it set for the future, would he see it as all he had to do is pretend to be sorry and she would take him back, or worse, when he would leave for work, would she spend every day fretting about his actions. Would she turn into a toxic person, looking at his phone when he was in the shower? She did not want to be like that, that was not healthy. The most notable obstacle to that though, was she could not forgive him. He crushed her, he took her love and not only discarded it, but he also threw it on the ground, stomped on it and spat on it. Feeling remorseful after meant nothing, even if he said to her on the phone “Fuck, Elle, I just fucked up so badly” and revealed the truth, she would be hurt, she would be angry but it would have been more honest. 

 

She decided to stop annoying herself and arrange to take a half week off work and go to Suffolk and clear out the house. She didn’t want to say goodbye to the house she loved so much, but she had to, she needed the money. She feared seeing Diana looking at the moving van, the older woman knowing well that this would happen, but it would not lessen the blow regardless. Knowing Diana, she would most likely come and assist, silently crying during it. Inhaling deeply, Danielle's thoughts returned to her previous angry ones before she got her tablet and began making the arrangements. 

 

*

 

Tom sighed in his dressing room. He wanted nothing more than to text Danielle and ask if she would let him has some input in their daughter’s name. He was speaking to fans every day now, hearing names from all over the world, and since so many of his fans were female, it was mostly female names he was hearing, some were beautiful, names he thought they should consider for their daughter, but he worried that his input would not be welcomed. After all, Danielle was not obliged to even have him on the birth certificate, much less add other details to it. 

 

With bravery he was not sure how he possessed, and knowing full well it could backfire and lead to an argument, and in turn, her blocking his involvement for the remainder of the pregnancy, he took out his phone and began to type. 

 

_ Hey, I don’t know if you are back from Ireland yet, Luke said there has been no talk of you. _

 

**Good, I know it won’t continue when this gets out, but still, that’s something.**

 

Tom noted she had not informed him of what country she was in. 

 

_ Yes, what was it you say, small graces. _

 

**Something like that. Is there a reason you are texting, I told you before, I don’t want friendly chats.**

 

Tom realised that rather than calming with time, Danielle seemed to be going from hurt to pissed off. 

 

_ I actually was hoping to talk to you about something to do with the baby. _

 

**Right?**

 

_ Her name. _

 

There was no response for a while to that text, he did not know if it was because she was busy, or did not know how to respond. 

 

**What about it?**

 

_ I was hoping there would be some manner in which we could discuss what would be her name.  _

 

**You mean you want to decide her name?**

 

_ No, I wish to have some part in naming her, nothing more. I have no right to dictate her name. _

 

**Fine, make a list of ones you like and I will tell you if I like any of them enough to consider them, but I swear if I see one Shakespearean name that looks completely farcical or some sort of stupid name that is some form of an animal, object or some amalgamation of names, I am literally blocking your number again with immediate effect.**

 

Danielle would do it, in a heartbeat. She would want something normal. She said it about Lucy having a normal name, she even pointed out that though Kit and Hal would sound odd, the fact that they were Christopher and Henry really made it far less peculiar. 

 

_ Normal names only. That is very fair.  _

 

_ What about your choices? _

 

**Maebh, Síofra, Aoibheann, they go best that I can think of.**

 

Tom looked at the three names. He knew this would happen. He knew she would think of some Irish name that he had no idea how to pronounce and this would occur. 

 

_ I don’t know how to pronounce them.  _

 

**Mave, She-fra, and ay-veen.**

 

He looked at the text. There were no smiling faces, no hint of jest or even that she cared that he had no idea how to pronounce those names. 

 

_ Can we consider some English ones? _

 

**Consider all you want. Why should I not think of some in my language and culture? If you can think of some nice English ones, then wow me, but as it stands, I haven’t found any.**

 

He could see the fight that this would bring and he feared it. 

 

_ I will let you know what I think is nice. Do they have to be British? Would you consider older names?” _   
**  
** **The Celts are older than the Greeks and Romans, don’t pretend you don’t know that. If you are asking would I consider Latin, Hebrew, Greek, Sanskrit and other such names, yes, I would.**

 

She was getting more pissed off with him by the message. He knew he was going to be pushing things with his next message. He inhaled deeply before even attempting to write it. 

 

_ And her surname? _

 

**Due to our very much not being married, it leaves us in a predicament. I will be bringing her to Ireland as much as possible, and I know one of those times you may need to be the one to return to Britain with her, but that leaves us in this predicament. Due to this, I think we will have to give her a double-barrelled name, even it if sounds stupid and pretentious as fuck. Becky says it’s the best thing for her. Hughes-Hiddleston sounds stupid, Hiddleston-Hughes sounds just a little less so.**

 

Tom stared at the text blankly for a minute. She was giving their daughter his name, not fully, but she would have his name. He felt significant relief at that. He had spoken to his legal team regarding it all. They were gunning for half guardianship, half custody, his name on her birth cert, her to have his surname to name a few, for Danielle to give it over so easily, it made him think they could talk through a lot of things. To have his surname, she would have to allow his name on the birth certificate, so she was clearly going to allow that. 

 

Before he could respond she messaged him again. 

 

**So just send whatever you can think of, if it matches that, then have at it.**

 

There was no denying the dismissal she was giving in that message. That was either “I am not going to listen anyway, but let’s pretend you have an input”, “Stop annoying me, I answered you” or even a mixture of both, but it was clear, leave her alone. She used that term in his presence before and it very much meant that. 

 

He felt every time they made some progress, every time he broke some bit of a wall down, she had built a new one behind it, making sure not to let him in. 

 

He thought of her comments on Ireland, it was clear she was eyeing her homeland, and that sent him into a frenzy of worry. His legal team wanted to see if they could prevent her from moving there permanently. He didn’t want to dictate her life to her, but the thought of his daughter living in another country was not something he could consider. He needed to be there for her. He needed Danielle to see he would be there for them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I know Danielle is an ice-queen/bitch here, I do, but she sort of has reason and she is still processing everything, so she is hardly going to be all happy and cheerful with Tom, is she?


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom goes looking for a good home for himself that is better suited to a child, with him, is Ben, who acts as a sympathetic ear.

“No.” 

“What’s wrong with it?” Ben looked around the house that they had barely even entered. To him, it seemed good. Not too big or small, plenty of natural light and a garden. 

“It’s too far to Cavendish.” 

 

“Cavendish?”

“Yes.” 

“Cavendish School. In Camden?”

“Obviously.”

“Tom, your daughter doesn’t even have a name yet to even put her name down there, she's not even born. Danielle isn’t going to want her in some private school.”

“She deserves the best.”

“And I don’t doubt that, but the fact is, you need to think about where Danielle will be living because she will be in that catchment area.”

“No, if either of us is in a catchment area then we can use that as her way into whatever school is best.” Tom countered. 

Ben had to admit, that was one way to play that system if Danielle would agree to it. “Well she is in a good catchment area too and being honest if you are willing to drop the money for Cavendish, then I don’t see any school in the Greater London area declining her. Hampstead has Hampstead Hill, Elle is literally minutes from there, would that be an option.” 

For a moment, Benedict forgot that Tom was not aware of Danielle’s temporary address and had not thought about it. Tom, however, picked up his faux pas immediately. He had known she was near the park he ran in for the duration of the play, but nothing more. 

“Hampstead?” Ben realised his error then. “Wait, you’re leasing her your old home, aren’t you? You said you sorted something there for a while until someone sorted themselves somewhere else.”

“Tom…”

 

“You’re making money off her?” There was accusation in his tone.

“Whoa, this was her idea, she set it up with the letting agent and of course I told them not to charge her full whack.” Ben defended. “She chose to do this. She asked me if I would lease it to her while she was getting herself sorted because she didn’t want to be crashing on Nacelle and Becky’s couch any more and she wanted to get back on her feet. She made it all above board, I tried to say we’d sort something less official but she refused to take a handout, you know her.” 

Tom’s anger at Benedict making money off of Danielle decreased. It was true, Danielle would never allow herself to freeload off anyone, much less a friend. “It’s still not right. She lost everything and has had to pay so much ever since.”

“It’s done. That’s what she keeps saying.” 

Tom flinched slightly at her use of her father’s saying but he knew there was nothing he could do about it. He had to continue forward. She would see, with time, that she could depend on him to be there for their daughter and in turn, her. “It’s done.” He parroted. He shook his head. “No, not this one. I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel right. I can’t see her waddling around here with her toys.”

Ben said nothing more on the place, knowing himself that finding a good home to raise your family in was not always easy. He was proud of Tom for stepping up in this manner for his daughter when so many men would not. “Well, let’s tell the realtor you’re not happy and move on.” 

With a nod, Tom walked out of the room. 

*

“So, how are things going with you two? Sophie said Elle is actually speaking with you through texts.” Ben asked as Tom drove through the city. 

“She is, thankfully, but only regarding the dogs and the baby. Those are the rules of engagement. Well, I am not sure how things are at the moment. She would have had another appointment by now but she’s told me nothing.” 

“Most appointments are inconsequential,” Ben informed him. “Simply just making sure it’s still okay, nothing more.” 

“But surely I should be involved some bit?” 

“She hasn’t informed you there is no more baby, see that as the good side of it. If you are allowed text regarding the baby, why not ask her?”

“She was very clear last time to leave her alone.”

“When?”

“Three weeks ago. I asked her what we would do regarding names and she gave me the Elle for ‘fuck off’.” 

“What do you mean?”

“She told me that if I wanted to have a list of names, to wow her and have at it, so in Elle terms, that’s ‘I don’t fucking care, leave me alone’.” 

“I am sure she will take you into account with names.” Ben consoled. 

Tom reached into the area between the front seats where he kept bits and pieces and pulled out a small notebook while they were at a set of traffic lights and handed it to Ben. 

Ben scanned it for a moment, seeing a list of women’s names, assuming it was a shortlist of some sort for the baby. “What…? These all seem alright.” 

Realising Ben was reading his ideas, Tom turned the book around to the three on the other side of the page. 

Ben took a moment to read the words in front of him. “Oh.” 

“She also reminded me that she very much wants to maintain her culture, language and heritage.” 

“At least Hiddleston is in her name.” Ben pointed out. “These are harder than Saoirse though.” 

“I just don’t know what to do. I want her to have a name that is just easy and normal and she is just ignoring the fact that our daughter is half British and living in England.” He inhaled deeply. “I know you know more than you let on.” He glanced at Ben whose guilty features confirmed such. “Please, just tell me, is she planning to move back to Ireland with the baby?” 

Ben inhaled deeply. He tried to not discuss anything that he was privy to between his wife and her friend in his home with Tom, it wasn’t fair to Danielle but this was slightly different. “She considered it. But she knew she couldn’t, she needs support with the baby, and she did consider how it would affect your relationship with her, too.”

“With Elle?”

“The baby.” Ben corrected, looking at his friend. “Tom, I know you don’t want to hear this, but...this isn’t going to fix things between you and Elle.” 

“I know.”

“No, I don’t think you do. I think you are convinced that she will have the baby, then she will come to some form of revelation that she has been too hard on you and that you will convince her to rekindle your relationship and it will never be like you cheated on her.” Tom gripped the steering wheel tightly. “You cheated on her. You went away for a weekend of work and went to a hotel room with another woman and were caught lying and cheating. She doesn’t want you back. You need to realise that.” 

Tom inhaled deeply. He had repeated those words so often to himself as to how he had ruined the best thing in his life that it seemed nothing short of a mantra. People around him, Luke, Ben, his mother, his sisters, other friends, they too stated what he did wrong, but he knew what he did and it did not take from the fact that he and Danielle were having a baby, they needed to be somewhat close for their daughter. “I know, no one knows more than I do what I did wrong. Crying doesn’t change that, wallowing in pity definitely doesn’t but I can show her I own my mistakes and am there for them both.” His voice wavered slightly as he spoke. “I know Elle better than you do. Better than any of you. I know I fucked up and I know I cost myself the best thing to ever happen to me and if life didn't decide to hammer it home even harder by adding the baby into this too. I have to get up every morning and prepare for a play that literally adds another layer to this whole mess also in its content and finally, I have to be in the knowledge that my daughter is at a stage of development now where she can hear voices and is moving around and she has no idea what I sound like and I don’t know the sensation of her moving and I have no one to blame but myself and no one can hate me as much as I do now, not even Elle, but I need to show her and our daughter that nothing comes above them. I cannot take back what I did but I can make her see that everything I do now I do for them.” 

Ben contemplated Tom’s words. Clearly, as much as Tom hoped for Danielle to forgive him, he also took ownership of his actions and acknowledged them fully as his own fault. That, he felt, was a definite step up from other people. He knew that it would not be easy, but Danielle would be more inclined to talk to Tom with him doing so, if she were to talk to him. He knew they could not move forward if they did not communicate more. It would not be easy, so he decided to speak to Sophie with regards the matter. He looked at the list again. “I'd have thought you'd have Ophelia or something on here?”

“Ophelia, who commits suicide?” Tom eyed him incredulously. “What sort of one is that? Besides, Elle hates Hamlet and made sure to tell me, no Shakespearean names, or ridiculous ones, apparently, so I am avoiding them at all costs, if just to be careful.”

“Good plan. I like Emily. We had that as a shortlist name. Emily Hiddleston-Hughes, a little long-winded, but nice.”

“It's my favourite.”

“Well, tell her that. It's normal.”

“It's English. I think that's enough to veto it.”

“Derived from Latin.” Ben pointed out. “What do these countdown conundrums mean?”

“Meabh means intoxicating, Aoibheann means Radiant beauty and Síofra means elf or fairy. Well, according to Google at least.” Tom informed him having googled the names to see what he was dealing with. 

Ben nodded slightly and looked at him again. “We really need to convince her to go with something less fucking complicated. No one's going to know what the fuck Síofra is.” He stated before wondering how to broach a way to deal with the situation.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben decides Elle and Tom need to sit down and talk through a few things, no matter how awkward it may feel

Danielle looked at her hands. She could not force herself to look up from them and wondered why she ever even agreed to this. If it had not been Sophie and Ben that had asked her, she was certain she would never have agreed to it. 

Across from her, Tom looked equally awkward. He was grateful to Ben for this, but in all honesty, he was uncertain what would be achieved. He glanced from time to time at Danielle, or more frequently to her stomach. It was bigger, there was no denying the baby within. She was twenty-eight weeks and it was obvious. How no one had realised she was pregnant in the media, he had no idea. She ceased her office work to the US and was very much grounded in Europe, with only being able to ferry to Ireland as required, her doctor, Ben told him, not convinced that she should fly. 

In the middle, Ben. He had Sophie bring the boys to his parents and currently, she was in the living room sorting something whilst he sat in the middle of the table, between Danielle and Tom as some form of a mediator. 

“So, what needs sorting here that we could not do over text or through solicitors?” Danielle asked, hating the situation and wanting it to be over as soon as possible. 

“Elle, you need to actually talk.” Ben began. “Properly. It’s not fair to her. Think about what atmosphere it will develop for her when she arrives and you are more inclined to fling her across the room at Tom than actually interact with him. You said you would do anything for her, so do it.” 

Danielle swallowed at Ben’s words. They were not cold, but they were harsh in that they were something she didn’t want to hear, no matter how true they were. “I’m here, aren’t I?” 

“Yes, you are. That’s a start.” Ben acknowledged. “Look, this is all a mess, everyone and the cat knows that much, but she is due in twelve weeks, three months, and a lot needs to be sorted, so let’s just do it here, like adults, no legal teams, no messaging, just talk. You’re going to be spending the rest of your lives sorting things for this little girl, she needs you both to start somewhere.” Tom nodded, Danielle pursed her lips and did similarly. “So, where will we begin?” 

Tom worried about saying anything and looked to Danielle who clearly was not overly willing to share anything either. “I...I made that list.” He spoke directly to Danielle who looked at him, wondering what he could be referencing. “Of names?”

“Right, yeah.” 

Tom took out the notepad he wrote them in and opened it, going to the page of his preferred names and giving it to Ben to bring closer to her. 

Danielle studied them for a moment and nodded slightly. 

“Which ones?” She looked at Tom curiously. “Which ones would you consider, offhand?”

“I would have to think about it.” 

 

Tom shook his head slightly. “No, you already vetoed some in your head, I can see it in your face. Which ones don’t you like?”

“Olivia, Rosie and Elizabeth. I know Rosie was your nan, but I…” She shook her head. 

“No, that’s fine.” Tom shook his head slightly, he was just relieved she did not rubbish them all. 

“They are nice and normal names, but I just don’t like them.” She explained. She turned over the page and saw the three Irish ones she chose and noted Tom wrote their meaning with them with Síofra and Maebh with an ‘x’ through them and a question mark beside Aoibheann. “Rosie would be a good middle name perhaps?” She offered, hoping it would sate him enough for her to push Aoibheann a little more. 

“Thank you, I just...I know you want Irish, but she’s not going to be in Ireland and you see how Saoirse Ronan has it and she will be going to school here, I don’t think Irish names unlikeable, simply difficult for many people.” 

“If they can learn their favourite soccer players names, they can learn Saoirse, or Aoibheann, or any other name.” Danielle countered. “We don’t need to have a name today. Emma and Jack didn’t agree on the name Lucy until Lucy was born.” 

Tom nodded slightly. “Yes. I am assuming she will have dark hair, but she may be fair.”

“Or ginger curls? There’s a risk of anything really.” Danielle countered with a small smile. “What else?”

Still slightly startled with the almost jovial manner she spoke, Tom couldn’t think for a moment. “I...Do you need anything?”

“No, we’re fine.” 

“You never submitted how much you think the hospital will cost.”

“That's simply because I can’t say, if it needs to be an emergency cesarean, it alters the cost considerably. I cannot answer that question, it’s one of the ‘how long is a piece of string ones’.” Danielle explained. 

Tom’s eyes widened. “Emergency cesarean?” 

“Yes, in an emergency,” Danielle explained. “They are not seeing a reason I would, but obviously, childbirth isn’t the easiest thing in the world, so you have to be prepared for such.” 

“But you’re both healthy? The blood pressure thing?”

“I’m fine.” 

“Elle,” Sophie warned. 

“It’s nothing, they said to ‘keep an eye on it’ so I got a home BP device just to keep an eye on it. I bought that myself, they didn’t give it to me.” She barked back. “Honestly.”

“Yes, honestly. Just be honest. You are being asked specifically about it so just be honest.” Sophie growled, coming in and sitting beside her, eyeing her carefully. 

Danielle inhaled deeply. “I still have low blood pressure. They are worried I could faint and hurt myself but of yet, I genuinely don’t feel any sort of risk of such myself.”

“Is it to do with the diabetes thing and iron levels?” Tom recalled both. 

“I didn’t get gestational diabetes in the end, but yes, it is to do with the fact that I am somewhat anaemic, no matter how much I try to eat red meat, spinach and broccoli.” She informed him. “But I am fine, I feel grand.” 

“You said you felt grand when you got your root canal, then went to bed and cried.” Tom pointed out. 

Danielle chewed the inside of her cheek, hating recalling better times with such anger. The hospital had badgered her about not being alone too much and to have the father help more but she didn’t have that option. “Well, I feel fine. As I said, I got the BP machine for at home too and if I feel ill, I can contact Nacelle, Emma or Sophie.” 

Tom flinched internally at her not even considering telling him but Danielle seemed to catch it. “I could assist?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

“Elle, I know I fucked up, I do, and that I hurt you so deeply. I own that, that’s all on me, but to keep me wondering what is going on, not letting me know about potentially life-threatening illnesses that could harm either of you, that’s not the way to hurt me back.”

“Hurt...you think I am doing this to hurt you?” Danielle looked at him shocked. “Really?” Tom’s face told her that indeed, yes, he thought it a punishment to him for what happened. “Tom, this was never about getting you back, punishing you or anything like that. I didn’t run to you the day the doctor told me I was pregnant because I didn’t want you to hurt me again. Because I need to protect me from further hurt.” Tom swallowed, his eyes filling. “I never wanted to hurt you. I don’t want you to be but I have to protect me and if that means you feel hard done by, I can’t help you, I can’t hurt me again so that you can feel okay, I've done more than enough of that. ” 

Even Ben was startled by her genuine tone and words. It was easy to assume she'd want to hurt him back after everything but seeing her genuine features as she said what she did, it was clear it had never even occurred to her to do so. 

“I just want to be involved, to be an active part in her life, even now and I know that means making you endure me and I know I have made that a very difficult task for you but I just want to be there for her. To step up as a father.”

Danielle said nothing for a moment, eyeing him carefully. She was suspicious of his motives because of everything but she knew he would want to be a good father. He learnt the literature, he studied the books, for all his faults, he was doing the right thing for their daughter. “The appointments are boring at the best of times.” She told him. “I also don't seem to be getting noticed. I know it's selfish but I don't want people to realise who I am and I don't want it out. This is stressful enough without adding the leeches to it. I want to get through as much of it as I can without them knowing.”

“I understand.” He stated, feeling downtrodden.

Danielle bit her lips together and thought to herself. “The thirty-two-week checkup is the next major one. It will also include a scan. I will arrange it for a quiet time so you can ask anything you want of doctors and whatnot, if you wish to come?”

“Thank you.”

“You also need to make sure you have everything sorted at yours for her, cot and whatnot.”

“Right.”

“What?” Tom looked at her confused. “What is the issue? I said get your place ready and you gave that look.”

“I have my place being readied to be put to lease. I don't have somewhere suitable to bring her yet.”

“Why? You've had that place for nearly a decade.”

“It's not suitable for her. Too many fall risks.” Danielle could not argue that. She panicked more than a handful of times when they watched kids there. “I'm looking for somewhere suitable, in a good school area. Even if she lived with you, my being in the locality secures her a place in some schools. I'll have something sorted soon.”

Danielle nodded. She couldn't say anything, she'd sold Suffolk. According to Emma and Diana, the new neighbours had yet to move in but she'd emptied her things and a moving van had delivered in some furnishings but nothing significant. “Well, I'm working on sorting something more permanent too, obviously you will be informed because it's only right you know where she is.” She exhaled sharply. It was easy to forget for a few minutes, the events that led to the situation they were now in. She wanted to forget, she wanted it to stop hurting to look at him, but at the same time, she was still unable to get the image of the other woman hiding behind the camera out of her head. 

Seeing her get upset again, Sophie moved her chair sharply, causing everyone to become startled. “Sorry.” Her tone was anything but apologetic. “Tea?” Danielle rose and went to the kitchen before anyone could say anything more. Sophie followed to ensure she was alright. 

For a moment, Ben and Tom said and did nothing. They were merely silent. Tom allowed Danielle's statements regarding her pain to ruminate. She didn't hate him, nor did she want to punish him but instead, her actions were of self-preservation. Somehow, that hurt more. It was easier to think she wanted to hurt him, that would be easier to comprehend than her saying she was scared he'd hurt her even more, that she feared what he would do to her if she allowed him close again, even for their daughter. “Thank you.” Ben looked at him as though he had sprouted another head. “For arranging this. For getting her to come and actually speak with me.” 

“It needs to be done, a lot of times, before that little girl is born so that she never feels the strain between you both be this difficult,” Ben stated. “I knew she wouldn’t throw out all of your suggestions. She left Emily.” 

“And said that Rosie could be used perhaps.” He smiled as he thought of his grandmother who he missed dearly. “You were right.” 

It continued for a short time more, arranging the date for the hospital appointment around the now fuller Betrayal dates amongst everything else. 

When Danielle was cleaning the mug she had been using after the tea, Tom came in with his own and looked at her for a moment, his guilt consuming him more and more as he did. She turned on sensing him nearby and studied him slightly. “I just want to rinse mine out too.”

“I’ll do it, just leave it to the side.”

Tom walked over and looked at her profile from the side, her body having altered significantly since getting pregnant. They never realised it around Christmas when they relaxed and enjoyed themselves, before his stupid actions. When she groaned slightly, shifted her weight and rubbed her back, he felt a bit guilty. 

She then rubbed her stomach. “Please settle down.” 

Tom inhaled deeply and looked at where she was rubbing, envy filling him that he had never felt his daughter’s movements. 

“I am not a trampoline.” 

“Elle?” She looked up at him, long forgetting she had told him to cease calling her such a name. “I know I have no right, but can I…?” 

For a moment, she looked like she would rather touch radioactive granite than let him touch her, but she instead took his hand and put it to where their daughter had moved and waited. 

Tom waited with bated breath. He was terrified that she would not move again while he had the chance to feel it. He looked at Danielle, his fear blatant before a moment later, feeling a nudge against his hand. He looked at her again for confirmation to see her give a small nod. When he felt it again, tears came to his eyes and he knelt down in front of her stomach, his hand firmly were she placed it. “Hey now, don’t give your mum too much hassle in there.” There was another little kick. “You’re a rebellious little thing, aren’t you?” He smiled slightly. “She’s amazing.”

“Not at four am, she’s not, then she’s a nuisance,” Danielle growled. 

Tom bit his lips together. He was supposed to be there for that, to rub his hand over her stomach and tell their daughter to settle down, she was waking Mummy. “That’s a little naughty, isn’t it? You need to let Mummy get some sleep so she can look after you both.” 

Danielle felt peculiar. Part of her wanted nothing to do with Tom bonding with the baby, the other part knew he needed to spend some time actually around the situation. She looked to the doorway to see Sophie nodding in an approving manner. 

When Tom got to his feet again, it was clear he had been weeping. “Thank you.” 

Danielle nodded slightly before thinking to herself. “Nacelle and Becky are forcing me to have a baby shower. I mean, it’s utterly American and not me, but Emma is insisting on it too and it’s snowballed into a big thing. It’s a farce really, but I don’t think I am getting a say in it. You should be there.”

“Tell me where and when and I will be.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danielle and Tom are at the baby shower. There are a few awkward moments, but overall, things seem okay.

Danielle stood and said very little as people thanked her for having them. She smiled politely, not wanting to point out this had not been her idea, but her terrible best friend’s who forced her into it. She looked awkwardly at the table of gifts also. It felt wrong to accept them all. Ireland’s tradition was, you gave an outfit for the baby after it was born, nothing fancy, no extravagance, the table of toys, bassinet, baby swing, everything, made her uncomfortable. Part of her wanted to donate them to a shelter for abused women or some poverty charity. She and indeed Tom could afford such things, in fact, she had most of the stuff the baby needed readied to go. She would talk to Tom about what he needed for his house. 

Thinking of Tom made her look over at him. He was smiling jovially and speaking with Ben, not wanting to get in the way of everything. It felt odd him being there, but at the same time, she knew he should be. She was due to her next appointment in a few days and they would be there for that alone, him stating he would need it to be an early one as he was doing a matinée show, but that he very much wanted to be there. She made it work. Sensing her looking at him, he turned slightly to check on her. As soon as he did so, she turned and looked away again. 

“She’s getting there,” Ben stated calmly. “This is hard for her.”

“She invited me, she said I should be here,” Tom stated. “She feels I have a place in our daughter’s life. She’ll never stop hating what I did, but she...she is so strong.” He inhaled deeply as he thought of her words at Ben’s, of how she did not want to hurt him, simply protect herself. “I am lucky she is so good, but I always knew she was something more than most, sadly, I did not respect that.” His voice was tight as he spoke. 

Ben nodded slightly, impressed that Tom had acknowledged so fully his actions, it meant he could move forward. “You are, most women would take you to the cleaners or such, she’s not interested in any of that.”

“She is just concerned for our daughter.”

“Any more progress on her name?”

“No, but I have one I want to run by her when she is free. I want to see what she thinks.” 

“Right? What have you thought of?”

“Erin.”

“Isn’t that practically Irish.”

“It means Ireland.” 

“Erin Hiddleston-Hughes...not bad. A mouthful, though.” 

“Everything is with a double-barrelled name like that,” Tom argued. “I just want to see if she likes it.”

“The worse that she can say is no.” Ben shrugged. 

“Exactly.” Tom looked at her, noting her rubbing her back. “She is getting so big.” 

“I dare you to say that to her face.”

“I wouldn’t see our daughter until she graduates or after if I did that.”

“Brave of you to assume she’d let you live.” Ben scoffed. “She’s in a lot of pain with her back some days. According to Sophie, she doesn’t get enough rest with it.” 

Tom looked sadly at her, noting her rubbing her back again. “I should be helping her more.”

“Don’t push her. She will allow you more and more access to her life again, the more you prove you are still the same man behind it all, when you atone for your actions and prove they are not defining you now.” Ben warned. “You cannot swan in and expect to be allowed too much, all things considered.” 

“She let me feel her kick.” 

“Sophie told me.” 

“I should be feeling that every day.” 

“Tom…” Ben warned.

Tom inhaled deeply. “I know.” 

“You need to build it up. Remember the day you found out, she couldn’t even look at you, now you are sharing this together. You’ve felt your daughter move, you have spoken to her, it is getting better, slowly.” 

Tom nodded and continued to force himself to stay calm. When he looked at his mother, he bit his lips together. 

Diana had been brokenhearted at her son’s actions, but she was still his mother and would love him accordingly. She just didn’t need to like him and was entirely on Danielle’s side in the situation, not that any would be shocked by that. She was there that day for her granddaughter more than anyone. As of yet, he had not dared entered her home since he ruined everything. He knew better than to darken her door. He only hoped that Danielle allowing him to be a part of their daughter’s life would soften his mother to him again. Slowly and meekly, he made his way over to her, Emma and Nacelle having just left her for a moment. “Hi, Mum.” 

“Thomas.” She nodded curtly. “You came today?”

“Elle told me to. I would not miss it.” 

“Elle is a stronger woman than she will ever know.” He did not argue with her statement. “You better stay on the right side of her, she does not deserve to be dragged around any more.”

“No, she doesn’t.” Tom looked over to her, seeing her speak to Mark’s wife who was laughing. “Mum, I want to get her something, something to thank her for all of this, allowing me to be here, what could I get?”

“The one thing she wanted you would not give her, and it would have costed nothing, honesty.” 

“Mum, please.” 

“You will get no sympathy Thomas, least of all from me. You forced my granddaughter to be reared in a home where her mother will carry the scars of your actions for years to come, and what scars will you carry? How will being a part-time father affect you? Months without seeing her, a weekend here and there when you are home. Is that how you wanted to become a father, how you wanted to raise a child?” 

“No,” Tom confessed, his voice tight. 

“Yet, here we are. And that is exactly how it will be, and in the middle of it all, Elle and my granddaughter, lie heartbroken and hurt. All because Thomas wanted his cake and eat it too. We raised you better than that, or so I thought.” She walked off without another word. 

Tom swallowed his tears at his mother’s cold words. He walked past everyone and to the bathrooms, inhaling deeply as he forced the tears to remain at bay. He spent several minutes in the bathroom, forcing himself to settle, but it was hard. His Mum was always the most honest person with him, she never thought of hiding her true thoughts and this was obvious now more than ever. To her, the baby came first, her granddaughter. There came a knock on the bathroom door, inhaling again, he forced himself to make for the bathroom door, startled to see who was on the other side. “Is this the women’s?” 

“No, the men's,” Danielle confirmed. “Look, I know today is hard, and I could see your mother giving you a verbal bollocking, but here’s the thing. We need to act as though this is not a farce from start to finish and you need to get something resembling a smile on your face because people are taking pictures and come ten or fifteen years time, all of our ‘whatever happened between us is one thing, Darling, but we never regretted you’ comments will mean nothing if she sees pictures of you looking like you have just been sentenced to the gallows.” 

“Yes, of course.” 

“Good, so buck up, act as though this is not Hell on Earth and suffer with me.” 

“Suffer?” 

“Apparently, we need to eat baby food and the smell of what is supposed to be shepherd’s pie, I am very fucking dubious, is making my chicken noodle soup lunch at risk of coming back to see me, so if I have to do this bollox, so do you and like fuck are you getting to look like the miserable one.” 

Tom huffed a small laugh. Pregnant Elle was even more of a boss than normal Elle, but she was still very much in charge. He put on his best smile. “Better?”

“Well, you don’t look like you are about to go over the Trenches of the Somme in 1916, so it’s a start.” She growled. 

They made their way back to the hall Emma had hired. “How are you?” Tom asked. 

“Tired. Very fucking tired.”

“Your blood pressure.” 

“Okay. Not great, not fainting.” She replied, hissing as her back bothered her. 

“Your back?”

“Like it wants to break. My hips aren’t much better either.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Danielle scoffed. “Why, how are you trying to take the blame for this?” 

“It’s my daughter in there.”

Danielle moved her head slightly, conceding it was true. “Right, you can take the blame for that much, sure.” 

“Elle?” She looked at him. “I just wanted to thank you for letting me come, but also, I thought of another name, one I think you will like. It is somewhat English really, yet very Irish at the same time.”

“Really?” She looked at him sceptically. 

“Erin.”

 

Danielle paused for a moment. “Well, it’s not a name in Ireland, but it is very Irish, I will give you that.” She conceded. “Erin Rosie Hiddleston-Hughes.” She said the name aloud to see how it sounded. “It’s very fucking long.” 

“It is.” Tom agreed. 

“But not bad. Definitely one to consider.” she groaned slightly. 

“Is she kicking?” Tom realised she was rubbing her stomach. Danielle nodded. “May I?” He waited for her to place his hand on her again and wait for their daughter to move. “Hello, my little Princess. Aren’t you growing well?” 

Danielle watched, uncertain of what to say or do above him. She looked at the people watching close by, both looking somewhat disapprovingly at the scene in front of them. Nacelle’s face telling her she did not think it a good thing to allow Tom to literally touch her, beside her, Emma watching her brother interact with his daughter, her face more conflicted. 

“What do you think, is Erin a nice name for you. Normal, easy to spell and very much in keeping with what Mummy wants?” There was a small movement again. “Hey, what did we talk about before, about letting Mummy get some rest? You be good for her, okay?”

“She can’t understand you.” 

“No, but she needs to hear me.” Tom countered. “I need to speak to her, knowing she is recognising voices but doesn’t know mine…”

“She does.” Tom shook his head slightly. “Your interviews, I play them on headphones to her.” His eyes widened. “She needs to hear her father’s voice. She needs to know it is a comforter for when she arrives and it’s only the two of you on your time with her. She can’t think you’re a total stranger, that is terrifying, for her, for you dealing with her, for me to leave her with you, knowing she is scared.”

“You...you have been…” Tom could not hold back the tears. “Thank you.” 

“Yes, well....” She didn’t like to spend too long thinking about it. “Come on, I suspect they are here to call us inside to do this fucking stupid taste thing.” She walked forward, clearly not comfortable, even in non-restrictive clothes back into the hall. 

Considering her words and the way Ben spoke about small steps, Tom rushed after, wanting to prove he was able to do as he was told regarding the matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know everyone is being hard on Tom, especially his family, but it's understandable really.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danielle, whilst in pain, snaps at Tom and all the emotions that have been bottled up bubble and bubble until they explode, leading to an argument that was always bound to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Danielle is in the wrong here, so before we go any further, I acknowledge that and I do not condone that, HOWEVER, if you have ever been in constant pain for a few weeks, you literally are going to snap at anything and considering everything, she has a lot of ammo to shoot at Tom. Hormones don't help either of course.

Tom inhaled and left out the breath he was holding before leaning into the cascading water of his shower and repeated the action. 

One step forward, three steps back. 

Danielle had her thirty-two-week check-up. For the most part, the baby was doing great, she was growing well, she was a healthy size and doing wonderful, moving as she should. Danielle, on the other hand, was not doing as well. Her blood pressure was all over the place and her back was not taking the stress to it very well, or so he thought. She failed to mention to anyone that she had a small slip on a step and since then, her back had been in horrific pain.

He only found out because of the agonised look on her face as she tried to take Bobby’s lead from him only for the dog to run around excitedly for a moment but then pull her forward when she was not expecting it, causing her to gasp and hiss in pain. “Elle?”

“Take him.” She held out the lead. Tom took his lead back as both dogs whined at her. 

“Elle?” 

“My fucking back,” She cried pathetically, hating the fact that of all the people to notice, it was Tom. 

“What happened?” He asked worriedly. “Do we need to get you to the hospital?” 

“No, I’m fine. I just need…” She tried to stand straight. “Fuck.” 

“Elle?”

“Will you just leave me alone,” She gasped in exasperation. 

“I am trying to help you.”

“I wouldn’t ask for your help if you were the last man on Earth.” She spat. “I depended on you to just be honest and not stray and you couldn’t even do that for one fucking weekend. Why the fuck would I want your help?” 

Tom flinched, he could see she had been harbouring that thought since but that it was only being released by her pain. “I know.” 

“You know. You’re sorry. You’re this, you’re that. All the time, I am making an utter fool of myself. Trying to do this by myself. I wouldn’t have hurt my back if I hadn’t to do everything by myself. If you hadn’t of been a cheating scumbag, I would have come home from work and you would have taken the shopping in from the car, I wouldn’t have had to juggle it and slip on that fucking step but yet again, I suffer the consequences for your actions, lucky fucking me. I get to be pregnant with your daughter, you get to act as though nothing is changing for you when I literally have to rearrange my whole fucking life and you swan around acting as though everything is fucking peachy because you don’t have to live with the consequences of it all.”

“I don’t get to see my daughter growing every day.” Tom retorted angrily. “I was not even given the opportunity to know she even existed until happenstance occurred. I was going to be told by a letter, halfway through the pregnancy. I have to move home to one better suited for her only to see her when it is deemed acceptable by you, however that is fucking fair I don’t know.” He snarled, his own anger coming to the fore. 

“Whose fucking fault is that?” Danielle’s ire increased at his audacity to be annoyed, all things considered. “You’d be a daily part of her life if you knew how to keep that thing in your pants. You would see her every day if you just hadn’t of been an utter scrote. But you are one and that’s the price and at the very least, I am not a vindictive bitch who wants your damn money or fame. I am putting myself out to let you be involved in her life and you act as though you’re the one suffering here.” 

“No, you don’t want money and fame, but you want me to suffer for your anger and don’t bullshit me with your ‘I don’t want to hurt you, I want to protect me’ bollox, you know damn well what you're doing.” 

Danielle’s rage grew as she glared angrily at him. “You know what, fuck you. Fuck you, Tom. I don’t want to fucking see you and I sure as hell don’t fucking want to have you touch me and talk to her like you give a shit because clearly, you don’t. You just want to be seen once more as ‘Mr Nice Guy’. Sure, add ‘Doting Dad’ to the mix when you won’t actually be much fo a father since you’re going to pull every fucking excuse as to why you’re never there when she is three and asking for ‘Daddy’ but you’re off to chase some more young tail for yourself, you can see how much of a father you are and when she is sixteen and you finally realise she exists or the cameras are getting bored, she won’t fucking want you and I sure as hell won’t force her to endure you. I genuinely hope you can live with the man looking back at you in the mirror then.” She turned and walked back to her car, her pain obvious. 

“How fucking dare you…” Tom followed after her, the dog leads discarded, both dogs uncertain of what it was they were witnessing, Bobby going back into Tom’s home, not liking the raised voices while Mac watched the pair. 

“How dare I? How dare you, how dare you think you can just kick me when I am already down and that I will take your shit all because you fail to realise I am not one of your internet fangirls who dismiss anything you do simply because they fantasize about fucking you and think you are some form of a deity without fault. So many of them don’t think you un-fucking-humanly perfect. If only they knew the selfish prick behind it all. I’d love to see what your adoring fans would think of you if they were to find out you did all your antics and this baby was involved. The only thing is, I don’t want them to know because I don’t want leeches around my little girl. She deserves better than this bullshit.” 

“She is my daughter too.”

“You sure as hell didn’t care when you went off looking to fuck someone else.”

“I didn’t know she existed, and according to you, you didn’t either. I will take the blame for what I have to, but I am not being blamed for that. You can act the victim all you want, but the harsh reality is you are turning into a vindictive bitch and yes, I have a considerable part in that but I only care about being a good father to her and for you to ever even imply anything else is bullshit.” 

Danielle glared hatefully at him before pulling the car door closed and driving off, not even looking back at him as she did. 

Tom exhaled and put his hands behind his head. 

This would have ramifications, he knew it. 

*

Three weeks later, while dealing with the time between the matinee and evening shows of the play, no word from Danielle, he got the phone call he knew would happen from Luke. “Luke?”

“She’s been spotted.”

“Did you tell her?”

“Tell...Tom, she is looking at them in the photo, you can see she knows. She looks exhausted, worn and gutted. You need to talk to her about it.”

“We’re not speaking.” 

“What?” Luke had been at the baby shower, he saw them interact in a jovial manner that was incredibly commendable.

“Elle and I, we had an argument a few weeks ago, we have not spoken since.” 

“Well, you need to speak to her. Check on her. I rang her twice, she has not answered yet. But I have little doubt she is not in the mood for it all.” Luke sighed. “The poor woman.”

Tom did not reply. After her words to him, he was not feeling overly sympathetic. 

*

 

Danielle was unsure why she went online to see what was being said, but she couldn’t resist. She laughed, more than once, shaking her head as she read accusations that her daughter was solely to entrap Tom, that was a funny one. That she was a money-hungry bitch. The other one that was farcical was she was not pregnant with Tom’s child but had moved on that quickly. There were many who stated Tom felt too trapped with an impending wedding and baby, that he broke up with her before the Comicon and was just being polite, not revealing his private life to the world. Some had the audacity to accuse her of cheating on him and getting pregnant and that his folly was nothing wrong, he was a free man or simply teaching her a lesson. Others ...others were irate. Tom was nothing short of the devil incarnate as far as they were concerned. She should forbid him from having anything to do with the baby, that he was the scum of the earth. The world knew her business and the world had an opinion on it. Some she agreed with, the more she did not. 

With only five weeks left of her pregnancy, she felt that was as much as she could ask for. Five weeks was better than most got. Her back was in agony, her breasts leaked constantly and she could not see her feet, but she forced herself on. She had Nacelle, Emma and Sophie assist her as best they could, but she did a lot herself. Her daughter did not seem able to go more than an hour without a lot of moving. She knew the best way to get her to settle was to listen to Tom’s voice, the only issue was, Danielle herself could not bear the idea of more than she was already dealing with, his voice was a torture to her, and a lullaby to her daughter. She didn’t want to hear his voice, leaving her to suffer her daughter’s movements without much reprieve.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danielle goes into labour. 
> 
> *Note* There is no new chapter of IHYILY to go with this, but there is nothing in this chapter that is overly heartbreaking, so it'll be fine to read alone.

Danielle groaned as she walked from the bedroom to the kitchen. She had just put together her daughter’s co-sleep crib that would allow her to have her right next to her at night when she felt her back twinge slightly more than usual. She rubbed it, grateful that thought it was still sore from carrying the load of a human child, her injury from a couple of months back had settled a bit. She thought about her lunch as she put away the box that came with the crib. 

She had planned on being out of Ben’s by now, in her own place, and it was not helping her savings that she would have to pay more to stay longer, but she could not move at the present time, she simply could not do so whilst so heavily pregnant. What angered her was when she went to Ben to talk about it only to be told he thought she already agreed on another six months with the letting agent and paid in full again. She had made no such agreement, it was only when she got Sophie to check with the letting agent, did she find out Tom paid it, as well as her council tax for it, for the following six months. That angered her. He went and said what he did and acted as he had, only for him to then have the audacity to do that annoyed her. 

Danielle knew she was out of line the day of the argument. She knew full well that he was only worried as to why she was in pain and that though the incident did occur because she was pregnant and not paying full attention to what she was doing while alone, it was not his doing. But she had been angry. In the moment of pain, in her tiredness and dare she blame them slightly, even with the hormones adding fuel onto the fire, she went off on him with everything she had been bottling up and it allowed him the same situation. Their words cut one another, the pent up anger only fueling it all and thus far, she could not bring herself to speak to him regarding it and reminded herself that he too could contact her, if he so chose, but that he had not, and that was not something she could be entirely at fault for. 

That had led to no contact between the pair, and with their daughter due in just over a week, it left them with a very peculiar position, one of a Cold War of sorts. 

She looked at her phone, noting the time and sighed. Emma would be due in the evening to say hello after work. She recalled when Emma was pregnant, she had been there for her around work schedules. Emma tried to do the same, but she also had a present husband to assist her in the evenings, and she also had to deal with being a mother, Danielle had no such luxuries and was suffering from loneliness as a result.

She decided on chicken salad as she waddled (she hated calling it that, but she really was waddling) to the kitchen. Her body was suffering as a result of the pregnancy, everything felt terribly stiff, but she kept going. 

Just as she organised the salad, she paused and paid attention to the sensation of pain she was feeling before rubbing her stomach, noting how hard it was. Looking down, she realised it was possibly the beginnings of her labour. Taking her phone, she noted the time and when she felt the pain cease, she began the count to the next one. By the end of the following hour, she ascertained she was in fact, in labour. They were too consistent, though at so far apart, she knew she had time to go yet. With a quick call to the hospital to ask what time frame between contractions was deemed a good time to come in, she simply walked around and readied herself. 

The pain increased as the day went on. The classes she took with Emma and Nacelle as her partner assisted as she breathed through her pain and ensured to note how long each one was and the time between. When Emma came at half five, she was shocked to see Danielle leaning over the couch, breathing through a contraction. “Elle?”

“You’re early.” She hissed between gritted teeth. “You’re not the only one.”

“Is she coming?”

“Yep.” 

“How far apart?”

“Seven minutes. Started about noon.” 

“What do I need to do?”

“My bag is ready, but I don’t trust myself to bring it downstairs.” 

“No, you shouldn’t. Right. I will get that. When do you need to head to the hospital?”

“Five minutes apart.” 

“Okay, we’ll keep an eye on it.” She took out her phone and pressed dial. “Jack, Elle’s in labour.” There was a moment of silence as he responded. “Not for another little while. We’re going to get her ready here.” another moment. “Noonish, she said. No, her waters haven’t broken. I am going to ring Mum now. Okay, bye.” She hung up the phone. “Jack wishes you luck and said to breathe.” 

Danielle smiled, recalling the joke Jack made about breathing when she and Emma came back from one of her classes. “Bless him.” She rubbed her stomach. “She’ll be here soon.”

“Are you ready?”

“No, but that won’t stop her, will it?” Danielle looked down. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this, but I want her, so much.” 

“She is going to be so spoiled.” Emma looked at her stomach too. 

Danielle nodded slightly. “I better get a cup of tea and something to eat, I’ll have to leave soon.”

“What about Tom, are you going to tell him?” 

Danielle swallowed, feeling guilty for her words to Tom a few weeks before, but also thinking of how he had not checked up on her since, making her fear he actually would not be the father to their daughter she hoped he would be, regardless of their situation. 

*

Tom was shopping online for a good baby monitor and a bottle warmer. Part of him thought it was a waste of time, it was clear that Danielle was not going to make it easy for him to see their daughter but he had to be ready. 

When his phone lit up with an incoming call and Ben’s name looked at him, he genuinely considered ignoring the call, but last moment, he answered. “Ben?”

“Tom, Elle just texted Sophie, she’s in labour.”

“What?” 

“Your daughter is coming. Danielle is in labour. She and Emma are in admissions at the hospital. Her contractions are just under five minutes apart. Are you getting this?” 

“But she’s not due until…”

“Tom, she is full-term, your daughter doesn’t give a shit about what the nice lady in the coat said, she is coming now and it doesn’t matter what you thought she would do. Besides, with Elle for a mother, she is bound to be somewhat able to turn up anything other than last minute.” 

“Why didn’t she tell me?”

“I don’t know.” Ben knew of the argument between the pair. “I suspect she is just getting settled in now.”

“She told your wife, but not the father of the baby?” Tom retorted. 

“Tom, getting angry isn’t going to help. Maybe she didn’t want you to be bored. It is another bit to go yet.” Ben argued. 

Tom was about to argue more when he heard his phone ping. Looking at the screen, he felt himself become more irked. “She had Emma contact me.” 

“She is probably dealing with her preparing to shove a human being out of her body. From my wife’s facial expressions during contractions, it’s not a pleasant sensation.” Ben argued. “Don’t start trouble, Tom. Not today.”

“But…”

“No buts, she is in labour, your daughter is coming. She had your sister contact you at her request. No fighting.” 

Tom settled himself and took a deep breath. “I need to go.”

“Do you want a lift?”

“Please.” 

“Give me twenty.” 

“Will she have that long?”

“Five minutes apart? Yeah, she has some more to go yet.” Ben hung up and grabbed his car keys. 

Tom for his part considered everything that Danielle said at their last meeting, her vitriol filled words. Part of him wanted to have nothing to do with her, but she was currently giving birth to his daughter. The other fact was she was hurting from his actions against her, and it was the first time since the event they had referenced them as such. It needed to be said if just to stop bottling it up. Forcing himself to move on from that, he focused on what really mattered, their daughter. He ran upstairs and cleaned himself up as best he could, grabbing a small bag he had readied for his trip to the hospital since the day of the baby shower. 

When Ben arrived, he had brought the dogs out to the bathroom and was waiting by the door. He rushed into the car. “Ready to become a father?”

“No, but does that matter?”

“Not really no, she is coming regardless.” Ben shook his head. 

“Ben?” His friend glanced at him. “What...what happens now?”

“Between you and Elle?”

“No, at the hospital. I never got to go to any of the classes with her.”

“Well, when Sophie had the boys, it was fairly long and drawn out. The labour is the longest part, obviously. But the birth can be long enough too. She will be dealing with that for a while and it will be a living hell for her, even if she takes everything they offer drug wise, it is still pushing a human out of you. She will need you to encourage her. Even if she wants to castrate you, she is still focusing on the very real issue of birthing first, so help her through that. It’s all fairly messy and long.”

“The dogs…”

“I will go to yours later and let them out. Don’t worry about them. Worry about meeting your daughter.”

Tom inhaled deeply. “My little girl.” 

“It’s going to hit you a lot harder when you hold her in your arms and she grabs your finger for the first time,” Ben warned him. He looked at the gift bag. “What’s in there?”

“Her first Baloo toy. I got it for her. It’s safe for newborns.” He showed it to his friend. “I have two spares too. If she likes them, I will get more as well.” 

“Good plan.” 

“I also got something small for Elle, a push present of sorts. People are doing that a lot these days.” 

Ben looked worriedly at him for a moment before Tom showed the gift to him. “That is beautiful.”

“No matter what about us, she has given me a daughter, it doesn’t come close to how grateful I am, but she deserves something.” 

“She’ll love it,” Ben assured him. “Just keep things calm and this will go fine.” 

“I am not sure calm is something I am capable of now.”

“Well, no. But still, try. And good luck.” Ben pulled up at the back entrance to the hospital. “And remember, this is the easy part, parenting gets a lot fucking harder from here.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danielle is in labour and Tom is not her birthing partner. With so much still to go through, can they put aside their differences for the birth of their daughter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, from what I see on TV and online, in the US it's sort of the norm to have half the parish in the birthing room with you. In Ireland, you get up to two, sometimes only one for hygiene reasons, since I know this standard, I am keeping to this. The NHS (British system) and the HSE (Irish system) are fairly level in most areas of care from my interactions with both.

“Breathe,” Emma instructed. 

“Dear God, where is the anaesthetist?” Danielle hissed. 

“On his way.” The nurse promised. 

“If he gets here and it’s too close, I will murder someone,” She warned. 

“Elle,” Emma warned. “It could be worse.”

“Don’t you dare start, I know for a fact you all but hoovered up a full canister of Entonox waiting for your epidural. Don’t lie to me.” Emma snorted in laughter. “God, this is Hellish.”

“It’s literally called labour,” Emma reminded her. “You’re doing great.” 

“What time is it?” 

“Not sure, I’ll check my phone.” Emma checked her phone to see if her brother had messaged her back to say he received her message. 

*

Tom registered with the reception and waited patiently to be let through. Or as patiently as he could. 

“Mr Hiddleston?” He looked at the nurse. “I’m afraid I cannot let you up to the delivery room.”

“What?”

“Ms Hughes has a Emma Blakiston-Houston down as her birthing partner. I’m sorry, but I cannot allow anyone but this person to the delivery room without explicit consent from Ms Hughes.” 

“But…”

“I’m sorry, Sir.” 

Tom didn’t know what to say. He remained silent as the nurse walked off again to deal with another issue. He was to remain in the waiting area, for who knows how long. He looked at the notice on the wall, visiting hours were started for the evening and would cease at nine sharp. Unless his daughter was born in the next hour and a half, he would not get to meet her until the following day. 

*

The epidural had been administered, allowing Danielle some relief from the pain of the contractions. She felt almost human again. She looked at the spikes in the machine when one hit, noting they were getting far closer together. “Em, what time is it?”

“Ten to Nine.” Emma paced slightly. “You’re nearly there.” 

“I know. I just am tired.” Danielle rubbed her hands over her face. “I’m not even to the tiring bit yet.”

“I was about to say.” The midwife laughed. “You’re near to ten so you have just a little more to go. When you feel the need to bear down, it will be time.” 

Danielle inhaled deeply. It was nearly time and she felt woefully unprepared. 

“Elle?” She looked at Emma. “What about Tom?”

“What about him?” Danielle didn’t need that added stress right now. “He hasn’t once cared for the last few weeks.”

“You tore him a new one. Do you think part of it all is because he is scared to contact you?” 

“If anyone should be scared of anyone…” Danielle’s face scrunched slightly as she felt her body tense for a new contraction, the epidural took the most of the pain, but the intense pressure was still present. 

“Look, I am livid at my brother, you know that. But the way he was at the baby shower, how he was talking to her, how he speaks about her in general. You know he wants to be around her. You told me about what happened and being honest, you know you went over the top with the argument and I have no doubt that as much as my idiot brother needed a dressing down, it has meant he has not felt he could talk to you since.”

Danielle said nothing for a few minutes, stewing over Emma’s words. The contractions came closer and closer and the urge to push was very much coming to the fore of Danielle’s mind. “Shit.” She hissed as her body tried to alleviate the pressure it was feeling. 

The nurse checked her. “Yes, we’re ready to go.”

 

“Emma.” 

“I’m here.”

“I...Tom…” The guilt that had been consuming her since the argument came out as tears. “I fucked up.”

“Well, he did more, but you can’t take it back now, you can only try and have this baby,” Emma explained. 

 

“But he should be here. And now it’s too late.” 

“Actually, he’s waiting downstairs.” Her friend informed her. 

“What?”

“He’s in the waiting room. I messaged him when we got here and told him. He’s been there since.”

“What? Why isn’t he here?” 

“You put me as your birthing partner, remember?”

“No, please, please get him.” 

“If you are swapping out for someone, you better do it now, someone is trying to get into the birth canal.” The midwife warned. 

Emma didn’t even think, she turned and grabbed her jacket. “I’ll tell them to let him up, then?” 

“Please,” Danielle begged. 

Emma went over to her again, hugging her tightly. “You can do this. I will see you in the morning.”

Danielle held her close and wept. “Thank you.”

“I am on your side, you know that. But sometimes, you are too fucking stubborn.” Danielle laughed slightly. “Try and not to evict her for another few minutes, okay?” 

“I’ll try.” 

Emma left the room and rushed down the stairs to the waiting area. She noticed her brother talking to the security guard as she came to the waiting area, the latter clearly trying to convince him to leave. “Tom?”

“Emma. Why are you here?” 

“The nurses are getting you okayed up, She’s about to start pushing. Go.” 

The security guard was about to confirm it via his radio when the receptionist came from behind the counter. “Mr Hiddleston, you’re needed upstairs.” 

“Thank you.” He kissed his sister’s temple, grabbed his jacket and the bag and rushed after the woman. 

“Up the stairs, the nurses will show you where to go,” she instructed. 

“Thank you.” He did exactly as instructed and rushed through the halls until he came to the delivery suite. 

“Mr Hiddleston?” a young enough nurse smiled at him. “She’s about to start pushing, in here.” He rushed after her. “I think she has been trying to wait for you.” 

 

“Thank you.” In truth, Tom’s brain didn’t seem to think any other words were applicable as he repeated himself time and again. When he was brought into the room, the first thing he noted was the obstetrician and midwife at the bottom of the bed. 

“Wonderful, Daddy is here on time.” The midwife beamed, ushering him to the top of the bed. 

“Elle…” Danielle looked exhausted, not just from the labour but worn out in general, but the moment she saw him, her eyes lit up slightly and filled with relief. “Hey.” 

“I’m sorry.” She began to cry again. 

“No, not now. Don’t worry about it. Focus on this.” He instructed. “How are you?”

“Like a circa seven-pound baby is trying to exit my body.” She joked, Tom smiled back. “I am so scared. I wish Mam was here.” Another tear leaked from her eye.

Tom didn’t even think, he took her hand and held it. “Bridget would have given anything to be here and I am a terrible substitute but I am here, and you need to focus on looking after you and our daughter.” She nodded slightly. “Are you comfortable?” She nodded. “Right, whatever you need, I am here.” 

In that moment, it was easy to push aside Tom’s actions, his betrayal and his deceit and focus on the good, so with that in mind, she took another deep breath. 

“Ready? Alright, Danielle, next contraction, I want you to bear down with everything you have.” 

“Okay.” 

 

She waited for the sensation to fill her again. As soon as the machine spiked, the order came and she did as she was told, Tom beside her, his hand holding hers, noting the tension she had as she did as she was instructed but clearly not wanting to hurt him. 

It took a few contractions and pushes, but the baby began to make its way out. When the midwife stated the head was out and she needed to put her next efforts into the shoulders, Danielle simply forced herself to breathe deeply and do as instructed. 

Tom watched her in awe as through everything, she remained calm and did as she needed. Recalling Ben’s suggestions, he smiled encouragingly and held her hand throughout. “You’re doing great.”

“I wish it was over.”

“Soon. you’ve already got her head out.” He kissed her hand. 

“We never got to talk more about names,” Danielle commented. “I really like Erin.” 

“Yeah?” She nodded. “Well, let’s see if she looks like an Erin then, yes?” 

“You’re going to have to give me a little longer.”

“Take all the time you need.” 

Danielle continued to push until finally, she felt their daughter come free of her body. A moment later, little cries filled the room. 

“And your ultrasound was right, a girl. Dad, do you want to cut the cord?” The obstetrician offered. 

Tom did not even give a response, he was there immediately, taking the scissors in his hand. “Where…?”

“Right here.” Tom did as instructed and watched as the midwife cleaned their daughter and put her in a fresh blanket before bringing her to Danielle and placing her on her chest. “Here you go, Mum.” 

Danielle’s arms went around her daughter immediately. “Hey, baby.” By then, the infant was ceasing her cries and seemed to be recovering from her ordeal, leaning into her mother’s chest, hearing her heartbeat as she moaned. “Hi. You are so beautiful.” 

Tom simply stared. Not even two minutes old and his daughter had him speechless and in tears. Her hair was seemingly light brown, what little she had, there was a clear auburn tinge to the light strands, yet it was darker than blonde. She was simply lying on Danielle’s chest, taking in the events of the first few minutes of her life outside of the womb. 

“Now, Mum. you have to get rid of the placenta, so how about I take her and we let you do that. When I have her weighed and a nappy put on, we will give her to Daddy then, yes?” The midwife took the baby off her. 

“Sure.” Danielle was not too certain. She didn’t want the baby out of her sight, when the midwife left her field of vision, Danielle began to panic. “Tom.” 

Tom stood up and went to the table where the midwife was working, his taller frame telling Danielle where their baby was. He watched as the midwife placed their daughter on the scales. “Eight pounds, three ounces. She’s a fine first baby.” The midwife noted. She took notes and got little hospital bands, and wrote some details on them.

Tom noted the name area was left blank. “Erin. Her name is Erin.” 

The midwife turned to Danielle who was still watching them. She nodded when the midwife turned to check with her. “Erin it is then.” She filled in the space. “A nice simple name. You won’t be telling everyone to spell it right in the future, will you, Sweetheart? You wouldn't believe the names I hear people come up with.” 

Erin simply looked at her in confusion, her hands flailing now that they were no longer confined within her mother’s stomach. 

Tom didn’t even think, he held out his finger, which Erin took tightly the moment she sensed it, as though she was holding onto life itself.

“That’s her Palmer Grasp reflex and it is good and strong.” The midwife smiled. 

Tom knew this, he read everything on her development and the first few weeks after her birth. He knew most of the things she would do would be entirely instinctual, her body's attempt to survive but it didn't make it any less special, not to him. She was depending on him to keep her safe, her grip was for her very life as far as her brain was concerned and he would ensure her trust was well placed. 

The midwife got the clothes that Danielle had chosen to put as her first outfit and gently put them on her. Tom smiled. He knew them, Sophie and Ben had bought them for her. As soon as he would be able, he knew they'd appreciate being informed of that. 

“Now, you sit down and I'll pass her to you so you can rest together while Mum finishes up.” The midwife instructed. Tom did as he was told and a moment later, Erin was resting on his chest, toying with his sweater as she gently drifted to sleep. With one hand ensuring she could not fall off, the other extended to Danielle to be there to comfort her as she completed the final stage of the birthing process.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom spends some time with Erin before going home for the night, noting Elle's cold demeanour as he does. When he arrives the next morning, he is fearful she has reverted to not speaking to him again but is there more at play.

Tom held his daughter as Danielle did what she needed to. The feeling of her on his chest was something he never wanted to be without. Her soft little movements as she went from inhaling to exhaling made his heart feel as though it was skipping a beat. When Danielle finished passing the afterbirth, she gasped and leant back in the bed, her brow drenched from her exertion and her face showing her weariness. She turned her head to face Tom and their daughter, her focus being solely on the baby. She reached out slightly, silently asking for Erin to be brought to her. 

Tom wanted to argue to allow him more time with her, that he would have to leave for the night soon and that Danielle would get to stay with her, but he didn’t. Instead, he rose to his feet and gently gave her back to her mother, who looked at her lovingly as she was placed back in her arms. 

“Erin really suits her.” She smiled. “She looks like an Erin.” 

“I think so too.” Tom agreed with a smile. He looked at her for a moment longer before noting the doctor at the base of the bed, putting a metal instrument in a kidney-shaped dish on a small table with what looked like a small hook with thread through it attached to it. He knew what that was. He had read about it and winced at the time, now, it made him feel physically ill. Danielle had been wounded by giving birth to their daughter. She did not complain, flinch or even say anything throughout the pain she was enduring, she simply did it. And now, to add to her recovery, her body had a wound to endure. He felt as though he could never fathom the sheer amount of work she had put into having their daughter, he merely sat on the sidelines, spouting some few words of encouragement as she truly suffered pain. He felt a pang of guilt at that and at that moment comprehended the reason fathers had begun the tradition of ‘push presents’, though nothing would ever be as valuable as the feat she had just performed. He felt his gift would seem pathetic in comparison. 

“Okay,” Both of them watched as the midwife came over. “Ms Hughes, we are just going to put Erin in her cot so we can sort your bed, alright? We always put babies in their cot for this for safety reasons. Daddy will be with her the whole time, don’t worry. She is not leaving the room.” She soothed as she reached for Erin. 

Danielle reluctantly forfeited her daughter into the midwife’s arms before looking worriedly at her as she brought her to the see-through hospital cot and placed her on the blanket there. When she started to wheel it, Danielle began to panic. 

“It’s alright, love. We are just getting her out of the way so we can get you sorted.” The midwife explained. 

Danielle lay still as a hospital porters and nurses changed the sheets of her bed with her in it. She also nodded when the midwife offered to assist her in getting into clean clothes, promising her a shower in the morning. It took some manoeuvring, but it was done with relative speed and before long, Danielle was lying in a fresh bed and Erin was wheeled close to her once more. 

“Elle?” She looked at Tom. “I just need to go and ring Mum and Dad and tell them she’s here safe, okay? I’ll be right back.” Danielle nodded silently and watched as he left the room, saddened that she had no parents she could inform about the birth of her daughter. 

*

“Eight pounds three, Mum, and she is the most beautiful perfect thing in the world, you are going to love her.” Tom beamed. Diana was still not very supportive of her son, but with the news of her newest granddaughter, she was not interested in arguing with him. With a promise to come when Danielle and Erin were out of the hospital, taking a moment to commend the beautiful choice of name, she said her goodbyes for the evening. James was less polite, telling his son to step up, and properly this time, not to fuck up the second great thing to happen him as he had the first. 

When Tom returned to the room, he was slightly startled by what he saw in front of him. 

Danielle was sitting up, her top opened and a very large breast out. Her breast looked entirely different from her early, before they had known she was pregnant, and indeed, pre-pregnancy state. It was as it needed to be to facilitate it doing its true purpose, feeding a baby. With her was another, slightly older woman in attire that was clearly doctor’s clothing. The manner in which she was showing Danielle to hold their daughter and encouraging her as Erin seemed to suckle for all her worth told him she was in some manner to do with assisting mothers with breastfeeding. 

He did not know if he was intruding. It was slightly awkward yet at the same time, he could not think it to be, as it was merely feeding their daughter. There was nothing sexual in what Danielle was doing, yet considering their past, he felt like it was intrusive. When the doctor saw him, she smiled. “Hello, I am Olivia Bingley, I am a lactation consultant here.” She introduced. 

“Hello.” Tom gave a polite smile back. “Is she feeding okay?”

“Oh, there is little to worry about, she very much is getting the hang of things very quickly, you don’t have to fret.” She assured him. 

Tom went to give Danielle an encouraging smile but she did not seem to look up from their daughter. He simply took the seat furthest away from the bed and waited silently. He watched curiously as Erin smacked her small fist against her mother’s very much grown breast, as though trying to encourage the milk out by force. He smiled at her as she did so. 

When it came time to wind her, the doctor encouraged him into the situation. Getting him to take Erin and showing him how to hold her and how to encourage her to release trapped wind without too great a fuss. Within a minute, he built up the confidence to do as he required and get her to burp up her wind, as well as spit up some milk. She then proceeded to try and find a teat again, so the doctor brought her back to Danielle for more food. He studied her a little longer, before the doctor gave her to Tom again, in hopes of involving him as breastfeeding did not allow too much father-child bonding. He took her and did as instructed before cradling her for a time, smiling as she fell asleep, content after her meal. The doctor said her goodbyes and told Danielle that she would speak to her the following day to see how she was faring before leaving the pair of them to themselves. 

“Mum said she wants to visit when you get out.” He informed Danielle, hoping to have her speak to him. 

She did not even glance at him, in fact, she turned in the bed gingerly to face away from him and pulled the blanket up to her shoulder. 

Tom felt as though it was another severe step back or them. He thought with her apology and his dismissing it during the labour, they would be able to move on and deal with Erin being there. He even thought with her speaking to him just before he left to ring his parents, she seemed alright to simply talk to him, but this was another blow, her actively ignoring him. He said nothing more and kept Erin in his arms a little longer. 

Come 11 pm, one of the midwives on rounds came into the room. “Mr Hiddleston, I’m afraid you need to leave for the night.” 

Tom looked sadly at Erin, who he had placed in her cot for a while, having just sat nearby and just watched over her as she slept. He looked then to Danielle, who seemed to just barely glance at him before looking away again. “Do you need anything?” She shook her head. “If you do, just text me.” He stated to her. He went over to the cot then and took Erin in his arms again, kissing her little forehead as he did so. “My little girl, Daddy will be back in the morning. I promise.” It broke his heart to even consider being separated from her now that she was here, but he was being forced to. He forced himself to remain standing strong when all he wanted to do is cry. He was going home to an empty home, he would return the next day and see her for a while, then repeat the process for so long as Danielle was in the hospital, then who knows what would happen. He did not get the honour of seeing her tomorrow night, to be there for her for the 4 am feed. He was about to place her back in the cot when he saw Danielle had her arms extended, so he brought Erin to her instead. When she was securely in Danielle’s arms, he looked at them both for a moment before getting his jacket. He said nothing more as he left, forgetting the bag that was kicked under the bed in the confusion of the birth. 

*

At 1, 3 and 5 am, Danielle stirred to Erin’s cries. She wanted nothing more than to sleep, but she was forced to sit up and deal with her daughter. Everything hurt, sitting up was agony, but it was nothing compared to the pain in her gut as she thought of the situation with Tom. 

*

Tom was up and dressed before seven. He walked the dogs, cleaned up the house and sorted everything for his return later in the day. He texted almost everyone of importance he had to, getting a lot of congratulations in return, even sending a picture to Ben for himself and Sophie, showing Erin in the outfit they had gotten her. When the time came that he would be permitted into the hospital, he was a ball of nervous energy. 

When he got his name tag at the desk, he was relieved that as much as waiting until half-past nine rather than nine was difficult, he was alone to check-in and was not recognised. 

He knocked on the bedroom door as he entered, cautiously looking for whatever would come. What he was greeted with was not pleasant. A doctor informing Danielle that her stitches were good and how to attend to her wound. It sent a cold shiver down his spine. When she noticed him, Danielle did not even acknowledge him, she simply looked away again. 

He was about to get some bit upset when a small whimper caught his attention. He rushed over to the cot and smiled as he noticed Erin was awake. Like the night before, he put his hand to hers, her immediately grasping his finger on her realising it was close to her. After a moment, he lifted her out and put her to his chest, kissing her head as he did. 

“With Dad here now, why don’t you get a shower. She will be alright for a few minutes.” The doctor urged. 

Danielle slowly got out of bed and got her wash bag and did exactly as was suggested, not once even looking Tom as she did so. Tom not saying or doing anything to anger her as she moved around. 

He cherished the few minutes alone with his daughter. He spoke to her about nothing of importance. He mentioned the dogs, her grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, he simply rambled, his voice, he hoped, soothing her as he did. 

When Danielle came back out, he noticed she seemed much more refreshed looking, though her slow and pained gait did not alter. She meekly got back to the bed without saying anything, getting ready to try and get back in. 

Having watched her come into the room, though she was not interested in looking at him, Tom realised she was having difficulty with the task and gently placed Erin back in her cot before going over to Danielle. “I can help you?” 

She simply nodded. While gripping his arm to allow her to lean on him some bit as she got back onto the bed, she noted the bag under the side of her bed. “Where…?”

Tom looked to where she was looking, cursing himself for forgetting it the night before. “Oh, I brought that last night. Here, we’ll get you into bed first and then I’ll get that out for you.” She did not contest him in any manner and he gently encouraged her into the bed. When she was settled, she watched as he went and got Erin from her cot and brought her to her mother. Danielle relaxed considerably with her daughter in her arms. That is when Tom recovered the bag and checked that it’s contents were still there. “Well, first and foremost, I got a little something for our daughter.” He took out the small stuffed toy. 

As soon as she saw it, Danielle snorted slightly in laughter, not entirely surprised. “Her first toy,” she smiled slightly. Tom gently placed it next to Erin, who was asleep once more, but as soon as she felt the soft texture of the bear next to her skin, she began to stroke it. 

“And this...this is just something to say thank you.” He looked at her face, hoping she would look up at him. When she did, it was only for a moment, but he could see her shock. “It is nothing in comparison to what you have done having our daughter, but I knew I needed to get you something.” 

“It’s fine.” Tom held out the box anyway. As soon as Danielle saw the name of the jewellers, one of the finest in London, she felt as though she did not want to know what was inside. With Erin in her arms and still not able to juggle things one-handed, she looked at Tom again who seemed to see her issue. Nodding slightly, he opened it, revealing its contents to her. 

It was not an overly complex piece, but it was beautiful. A diamond in the middle of a white gold heart, her favourite. 

For a moment, Danielle was worried Tom was giving her some sort of love gift, something that was not even in the realms of something she could accept. 

He noticed her apprehension. “It’s to symbolise you and Erin.” 

“Thank you.” 

“No, Elle, thank you. You did such an incredible thing, bringing our daughter into the world. I cannot fathom what sort of pain and discomfort you are in and you did it without even so much as a complaint.” Tom insisted. Danielle inhaled deeply, her nostrils flaring and her eyes welling up. “Elle?”

“I’m so sorry.” 

Tom had expected a few reactions, mostly perhaps gratitude or anger and disgust, remorse and tears were not one that had entered his thoughts. “Sorry?”

“For everything. For the fight a few weeks ago, I was so sore with my back and I took it out on you for no reason, I was so horrible to you and you missed the last few weeks, but you never texted or called so I thought you didn’t care, and yesterday, when I was in labour...if Emma hadn’t told you and if you weren’t so good as to come, you’d have missed everything and it would have been my fault.” Tears flowed heavy and fast as she forced out the words through gasping breaths. 

Tom was slightly startled, to say the least. He had assumed her silence and lack of acknowledgement was because she had reverted back to not speaking to him, not because of immense remorse. “Elle, Darling, please, please stop. It’s done.” She looked at him. “I understand. We are still figuring this out, and we cannot just act as though everything is perfectly fine, but we cannot hang onto an argument, you know that. You were in pain, and you were hurting in other ways too, it all exploded at once but we cannot fixate on it. We have to work together now for this little princess. She needs her Mum and Dad and come whatever else, we need to be there for her.” Danielle nodded. “I’ll get you a tissue.” He went and retrieved the box of them from the far table and brought it to her. “I’ll take Erin for a moment while you sort yourself a little. Is she due a feed?”

“No, she fed not too long ago,” Danielle responded before thanking him for the tissues and blowing her nose. 

“Would you mind if I keep her a few minutes?” Danielle smiled slightly and shook her head. “She has your nose.”

“She looks like you,” Danielle retorted. “Or as much like you as a one-day-old baby can look.” 

“Her hair will be darker than mine.” 

“I’m not sure if there isn’t some auburn in there.” 

“Oh, there is. I see it too.” Tom looked at the few strands of hair that seemed to pick up an auburn tinge. “She is incredible.”

“Did you take a picture of her last night?” Tom looked at Danielle. “I thought I saw you do it.”

“I did, to send Emma, Sarah, Luke, a few others.” 

“And Ben and Sophie?”

“Especially Ben and Sophie.” Tom smiled. 

“Good.” 

Tom was going to ask her if she needed anything when the midwife came into the room. “Good morning, how is everyone today?”

“Good, tired, sore and a little hungry, but good.” Danielle smiled. 

“Who is which?” the doctor asked. 

“Honestly, I think we are all a bit of all of them.” Danielle laughed. 

“Well, that is to be expected. I’m afraid we need her in just her nappy for a moment, we have to weigh her to ensure she is not losing much weight.” The midwife explained. “We will weigh the baby in a moment and if her weight is okay, she is able to be discharged and while that is happening, I will have one of the midwives go through a few things with you, especially regarding check-ups and such and then we can see about getting you both out of here by about lunch, if not a little later.” She explained, going to check where the nurse to assist her was.

“So quickly?” Tom was startled they would have Danielle and Erin out so soon. Sophie was kept in for three days each with Kit and Hal. 

“Yes, we like to get Mum and baby home as soon as possible. Between patient numbers and the fact that mothers cannot get themselves and their babies into a routine in here, it is better all around.” The midwife explained politely. “There is a woman from the registry of births, marriages and deaths in the hospital, if you’d like her to come and do this today, I can inform her of such?”

“Please,” Danielle requested. 

“Alright, I will tell her.” She smiled. "I will get everything I need and be back to you in a moment." She went to retrieve everything.

“So soon?” Danielle looked at Tom, who seemed shocked still. “Are you okay to go home?”

“Well, the steps will be a bitch, but honestly, that’s great news.” Danielle smiled. “I want to get out of here, it’s so...sterile.”

“It’s a hospital, I hope it is sterile,” Tom stated in a bedpan manner. She gave him a bemused look, causing him to chuckle. “I know what you mean.”

“Why are you concerned about us leaving here?” 

Tom didn’t answer right away. He didn’t want to admit that he wanted them to be in the hospital so that he could visit his daughter, spend time with her, even spend time with Danielle, especially now she had revealed the reason for her silence was her own guilt and she seemed more inclined to talk to him. “I just want you both to be safe.”

“And our home is not as safe as a hospital, the breeding ground of superbugs?” She challenged. Tom’s face showed his horror at such a thought. “So, why are you bothered about us leaving?”

Tom knew he could not shake her from the question, she was focused on it and when she did so, she would ask over and over until she got an answer. “Because I want to see her.” He forced himself to only mention Erin and not that he wanted to be there for her too. 

“And you think I won’t let you otherwise?” There was no need for him to answer, his face told her everything. She did not respond, she merely sighed. 

The midwife returned and began writing in the hospital notes. The midwife with her instructed Danielle to remove Erin's outfit. 

Tom watched dubiously as Danielle took off Erin’s clothing and let the midwife take her. He followed her to the scales and stood by Erin in case she felt lonely without one of her parents nearby, hating the whimpers of displeasure she emitted as she was put on it. 

“Well, she must be doing something right, only a two per cent drop in weight.” 

“Lose...why would she lose weight?” Tom looked between the nurse and Danielle in worry. 

“It’s normal, they lose a little after they are born, up to ten per cent is safe.” Danielle placated. 

The midwife smiled. “You can take her back Daddy.” 

Tom barely waited for her to finish the sentence before he took her in his arms, out of the cold scales they put her on and held her to him, kissing her little head. As soon as he leant her in against his chest, she nestled in and began to calm. “Daddy has you, Princess.” He kissed her head again. He brought her back towards Danielle. 

"Everything is as it should be here, I will get everything organised and have you readied to go home today." She declared before leaving the room. 

Tom brought Erin over, expecting Danielle to want her, but she simply gave a slight shake of her head. “Put a blanket over her and let her rest for a while, she’s traumatised after her experience.” She stated, handing him the soft fleece blanket Erin had been using. Tom sat in the chair next to the bed once more, doing as Danielle suggested and letting his daughter sleep against him for a short time. “Open your shirt a little, let her against your skin.” She suggested. 

Knowing he could not do it without risking Erin, he gave her to her mother for a moment, the infant getting bothered as she was getting comfortable. The top two buttons of his shirt had been open anyway, so he opened the third. When he looked at Danielle, her brow was raised. “What?”

“It’s called skin to skin, not barely allowing her near the top of your shirt. Open a few buttons, actually leave her in against you. She is bare except for her nappy, open it enough to let her in against you fully.” She instructed. 

Tom felt sheepish, he wasn’t entirely sure if she was serious or trying to make him do something stupid, but he paused and knew that such would never be something Danielle would be prone to doing. So he undid a few more buttons, and when she nodded slightly, he took Erin from her and gently held her to his chest. Immediately, she nestled in closer, her soft skin rubbing against his, every little movement felt so much clearer with no barrier between his skin and hers. Danielle assisted him in getting the blanket onto her comfortably and instructing him how to make it more comfortable for him. “Is she okay?” He checked. 

Danielle smiled as Erin placed her little head against his chest, her father’s heartbeat soothing her and began to drift. “She’s perfectly content.”

Assured, Tom kept one hand on her back and just smiled at his daughter, who had her hand tugging slightly at some of his chest hair. He recalled when Danielle did it very similarly when she used to lie contently beside him in bed. The memory hurt slightly because he felt he could not mention the similarity. When he looked at Danielle, she clearly was thinking something similar, a slight awkwardness coming up between the pair as they looked at one another for a moment.

Thankfully, the moment was broken by a knock on the door. “Ms Hughes? Have I the right room?” Came an older woman’s voice. 

“Yes, that’s us.” 

“Hello, I am Kirsten Humphries, I am one of the registrars here, I was told you wanted to register your baby, is that right?”

“Please, one less job to do when we get out.” Danielle smiled. 

“Yes, I...Well, bless.” The woman smiled as she spotted Erin sleeping on Tom’s chest. “It’s wonderful to see fathers get involved. Some of them act as though the child is radioactive.” She opened her file. “So, there’s not too much to it, we get your information, and Daddy’s and we sort it out. Have you a name fully decided on?”

“We do.” 

“Excellent, people who are unsure usually ask for a little longer, or else take half my morning trying to decide.” It was clear from her tone that someone had already done such to her since arriving to work that day. “So, mother’s name, Danielle Constance Hughes, nationality, Irish, Date of Birth, we have that too, address, we have everything for you, Mum, nothing much on Dad.” She handed the iPad to Tom to allow him to fill in his details. He did so immediately as best he could while keeping still so not to disturb Erin. When he did so, she took it back and ensured everything he needed to do was done. She then took the file on the end of the bed with Erin’s details. “So, she was born yesterday, the 18th of august, at 9:20 pm, female, obviously. Name?”

“Erin Rose Hiddleston,” Danielle answered. Tom stared at her in shock. “I know you want Rosie, but it sounds odd, Rose flows more.” 

“No, Gran was Rose, we just called her Rosie, are you sure? What about the double-barrelled name?”

“It doesn’t fit any forms,” She explained. “I tried putting her down for school, it literally doesn’t fit.” 

“Elle…”

“Tom.” The manner in which she looked at him was a direct challenge, daring him to argue with her. 

Tom looked down at their daughter. “Erin Rose...elegant.” 

“I dare say she will be a beautiful little rose.” The registrar smiled while she filled the last of the forms. “Her certificate will be readied in a moment, I will drop it up when it is ready and she will be all set then.” She stated as she had Tom and Danielle sign where required. 

“Thank you so much.” Danielle gave a polite smile as the woman left. 

“Elle?” She turned to look at Tom. “Thank you.” 

“This way she has Ireland and England in her name. I couldn’t fit Scottish too.”

“I think she is covered enough.” 

“I mean, Rose is the symbol of England, Erin means Ireland, we can’t use Shamrock as a name. ‘Shamrock Rose Thistle Hiddleston’.” She joked. 

“Sounds like a strange salad.” Tom laughed. “At least she has no Welsh in her, that’s a leek, isn’t it?”

“Well, Hughes with translates from Nic aodha, meaning the Irish name Hayes or is from Welsh settlers in Ireland, so perhaps she does,” Danielle informed him. 

“Perhaps.” He looked down at her again. “Erin Rose Hiddleston.” Then he thought once more “What about what you said about being difficult for you to bring her places?” 

Danielle did not speak for a moment, instead, she toyed with her hands. “I guess I am hoping that after all of this, now that she is here, we don’t have a situation where it would be too bothersome for me if I wish to bring her to Ireland for a few days, that we can have it that I don’t need to prove I am not smuggling her out of the country. Most people with no issue between the parents, they seem to be able to, surely we can too?” 

Tom smiled reassuringly. “I think us able to.” 

Danielle nodded slightly but said nothing more. She said nothing of her restless night to him, not because she had just had a baby, or indeed, because of the pain it had caused, but because of thinking over everything. She had said her apologies, and thankfully, Tom accepted them, they had worked through them, but still, she thought of how she had stated she wanted him to be part of Erin’s life, yet so quickly pushed him away. More than once she thought of his actions and of course, there was no denying their lasting and devastating effects, but Erin was more important than that. In the time since he had not been seen with other women, he had not acted in a manner she could accuse of being rude or invasive. He did nothing but care about their daughter and even, after everything, tried to make sure she was alright too. More than once, she needed to remind herself of his actions. In the happy haze of having Erin, her mind though to simply let bygones be bygones and try again for Erin’s sake but she had not forgiven him yet, and she knew it, so she could never even pretend to entertain such. That said, she needed to respect that he had a valid fear. She held the aces, she controlled every aspect of the situation. She could make it very difficult for him to see Erin outside of very strict set times, looking at him, his eyes adoringly looking at the baby contently sleeping on his chest, she knew, no matter how much his betrayal still hurt, no matter how much she wished she could hate him for his actions, she could not do such a thing. Erin needed him and she knew he would never wish to be without her. “Tom?” He looked up at her. “Did you drive here?”

“I did.”

“Could you bring us home?” He frowned. “I don’t have a car seat with us and Emma is working today because of course, she wasn’t due until next week and…”

“No, of course, I...shit, I don’t have the car seat in the car. I’ll get it.” He rose to his feet gently so not to wake Erin. “You two ladies have a little more of a rest and I will be back soon.” He went to give her Erin. 

“Or get Ben to get the car seat and bring it here? That way, Erin gets to sleep against you longer?” Suggested Danielle.

Tom smiled and sat back down. “Always planning.” 

“I can’t turn it off, even after only a few hours sleep.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danielle and Tom ready Erin for her departure from the hospital.

Ben and Sophie walked somewhat warily towards the room number they were given, the baby seat in hand. Tom had told Ben that things were fine between himself and Danielle, but he was still wary. Seeing their daughter may have been enough to bury the hatchet between the pair, or so he hoped. They got to the room and gently knocked on the door before walking in. 

Tom was holding Erin, who clearly enjoying her rest on her father’s chest, having had to be forced from it before for a feed only to seek its comfort again immediately after. Danielle was sitting up in the bed beside him, eating a sandwich Tom had retrieved from a nearby Deli for her, having gotten hungry between meals. 

“Hello.” Ben had barely said the word before his wife rushed passed him and hugged Danielle. 

“How are you?”

“Sore,” Danielle laughed in response, hugging her back. 

Sophie nodded in acknowledgement, knowing well what Danielle was referencing and experiencing before going towards Tom, who was slightly nervous about how she would react, knowing she loathed his actions and was more than obvious with her feelings on such. She gave a smile and leant forward. “Congratulations.” 

Tom, seeing the gesture was sincere, smiled and kissed her cheek. “Thank you.” He moved slightly so she could see the contents of the blanket. “She’s sadly not interested in anything but sleep at the moment.” 

“Appreciate it. We thought the midnight feeds were a lot of work, but this, this is really the best time. When they need more active attention than simply being a hot water bottle and food dispenser, they are more work.” Ben smiled as he gave Danielle a kiss. “Have you had a chance to hold her at all?”

“To feed her. Even at that, I think he was going to argue I didn’t technically need to be the one that needed to hold her for that.” Danielle joked. “No, she has a favourite sleeping spot, I think. But I found that when I was pregnant too when she heard his voice, she’d doze off and stop kicking me every fifteen seconds.” 

No one said anything in return, though Ben and Sophie wondered how she managed to have Erin know Tom’s voice. Tom knew, but he had not realised its effect on his daughter. He heard a little muffled noise and looked down. “Hello, Sleeping Beauty.” another small noise answered him. “I think you need to say hello.” Gently, he urged her from him and wrapped her in her blanket, giving her to Sophie and buttoning up the front of his shirt. 

Sophie cooed at the little girl in her arms, seeing traits of both of her parents in her little face. The tuffs of hair that were visible under her little hat were indicating to her mother’s darker hair, her lips, so small, but akin to her father’s. Even at just over a mere fourteen hours old, she was showing some similarities to her parents. “She is beautiful.” Danielle smiled while Tom felt his chest puff out slightly in pride. “She’s a good size too.”

“Eight, three,” Danielle informed her, causing Sophie to wince slightly.

“On a first baby, that’s a big enough size.” Ben commended. Sophie came close to him. “A beautiful little thing,” he commented. 

“Yes.” Tom rose from the chair, again filled with pride. “Thank you for bringing in the seat.” 

“Congratulations.” Ben embraced his friend tightly. “You have the base in your car, don’t you?” He checked. 

“Yes, I had it put in, just in case,” Tom assured him. 

Ben nodded before looking at his wife and shaking his head. “Don’t get any ideas.” 

“But look at her.” 

“Talking to myself.” He grumbled. “We’ve just got Hal to go dry for a few hours a day, I couldn’t even consider thinking of doing it all again.” He looked at Tom. “What about the dogs?”

“I have a guy coming to walk them. With Erin, we are going to have to try and organise everything, including introducing them to her.” Tom explained. He looked at Danielle. “How will we…”

“We do it slowly, we give them a bit of her clothing to smell, have them on leads when introducing her and keep an eye on them,” Danielle explained. “I spoke to the vet and a dog trainer about it, I wanted to make sure we did it right.” 

“I should have thought of that.” Tom self-admonished. “Will they be okay with her?”

With weeks of not speaking to one another, there was still too much to be said and thought through between the pair, this, like many other things, still had not been discussed. 

“Well, Mac is going to go full German Shep and protect her with his life. Bobby is most likely going to see a new partner in crime one she’s old enough. The biggest thing is he is boisterous and Mac is big, so training them to keep back when dealing with her is key. I don’t see any issue. They never were bothered by kids before.”

 

Tom was uncertain. He knew they were good dogs and would never intentionally hurt their new charge but with her bring so small, he fretted all the same. Danielle simply smiled encouragingly at him. Tom was about to say more when he received a call, seeing it was his mother, he excused himself and left the room, going into an empty private waiting room. “Mum?”

“How are they?”

“Good, they're good. The nurses are talking about letting them out today if the doctors are happy with them. I had Ben bring in the car seat so that we can bring her home if they give the go-ahead, they think she will be seen in rounds after lunch and able to go after if the doctor says yes.” 

There was silence over the phone for a moment. “We?”

“Elle and I were talking. We are going to be working more together with Erin and she asked me to bring them home, so I will.” Tom explained. 

“Good, both of you need to do everything for that little girl, she needs stability and if that is not achievable together, then goodness knows this will get very messy.” 

Tom swallowed. He knew what his mother was referencing. If they could not co-parent in a healthy manner, then the best thing for all involved would be for Erin to be parented by one of them. It happened with a cousin of theirs, too much fighting caused the parents to agree that his aunt bring the child back to the US with her and for his uncle to not be actively in the child’s life. He never got to know that cousin, from what he heard, his uncle had seen him last three years previous and had not taken it well when he realised his cousin took his mother’s surname as his legal name. He would rather a thousand fiery deaths than allow that happen with Erin. “No, Mum. That won’t happen, not with us. Elle and I only want the best for Erin. We had her registered as well this morning, she is officially ‘Erin Rose Hiddleston’.” He informed her. 

“Have you told your father yet?”

“No.” 

“He will be delighted. And it is a beautiful name.” He could hear the approval in his mother’s tone. “Well, at least I have no grandchildren named after fruit or garden furniture, so I must have done something right.” 

“Who named their child after garden furniture?”

 

“Someone somewhere will have, wait and see,” Diana commented. “Emma, Sarah and I will come to visit when suits Elle. Tell her to name when it does and we will see her. I am going to head to London today. I just need Ron to come collect Lily to bring her to the kennels. Sarah is collecting me off the train.” 

“I’ll tell her. We were talking, we want you all to meet her very soon. Elle wants you to be the first of the extended family to see her. The only reason Ben and Sophie are here now is that Emma is working and no one else would be able to get to the house in time to get her car seat before leaving.” Tom stated. 

“Good. You need to talk to one another, she needs you both. They both need your support.” 

“I know.” Tom exhaled as he spoke. “Mum…” His voice shook.

“Hush now, don’t start that,” Diana ordered. “This is not the time.” 

“I ruined everything.” Tom felt his eyes well up. 

“And what good will it do to bring this up now, Thomas? She is here now, you have aired your issues. Elle has graciously decided to work passed them in regards to Erin and you have to step up and be the father that girl needs.” 

“But Elle…”

“There is nothing I can say to you on that matter that you have not heard before,” Diana stated. 

Tom inhaled deeply and forced himself to not cry. He wanted nothing more than to weep. He was meant to be bringing his wife and daughter home, instead, he was bringing his ex-fiancée and their daughter back to her home where he would be forced to say farewells and not be there for them for periods of time. 

“Thomas?”

“I’m here, Mum.” 

“Pull your socks up and be a father. Don’t go back into that room until you can do so with a smile. Both you and Elle need to do everything in the world for that little girl and I mean it, no more arguing, what’s done is done. Everything needs to be for that little girl now.” 

“I know.” 

“Go. I need to get ready for my train.” 

“Thank you, Mum.”

“I love you, Tom. God, I want to chew you up for what you did, but I love you nonetheless.” 

“I love you too, Mum. I can’t wait for you to meet her. She is the most amazing thing in this world.” Tom’s pride came to the fore as he thought of Erin. 

“Never forget that,” Diana commented before saying her goodbyes and hanging up the phone. 

Tom put the phone in his pocket before inhaling deeply. 

“Has it hit you yet?”

 

He turned to see Ben standing at the door. “Which bit?”

“The part where you realise this small human owns you for the rest of your life.”

 

“That hit me about two seconds after she was born,” Tom responded. “I just...I don’t know how to process it all.” 

“You seem very comfortable in there.” 

 

“We talked a lot this morning. Elle stated she felt terrible for her part in the last few weeks. She actually cried about it. She was so racked with guilt from it all.”

“I know, Sophie told me.” Ben nodded. “She wanted to reach out again but felt terrible for what she said. She knew she was wrong to say it, but she was just so sick of being strong and add that to being in so much pain. I mean, personally, I thought it wrong, but I understand her anger too.”

“It’s all in the past now. We need to be focused on Erin and what she needs. What she needs is Mum and Dad, working together for her and I will do anything for that. She asked me to bring them home, Ben. Elle is intrusting her first car journey on me.” he shook his head. “She has given her my name, she allowed the names I chose, she...wait, I chose all her names.” 

“What?” 

“She’s Erin Rose Hiddleston, none of it includes anything Elle wanted.” Tom realised. 

“Tom, I’m fairly sure she gave consent for her to have those names if that is her registered name.” 

“But why?” 

“Why would you question it? This is surely what you want, your daughter has your name.”

“But what about Elle’s choices. She was adamant they would be part of this and now, nothing. I suggested Erin, Rosie is my grandmother and Hiddleston is my surname.” 

“Well, if you want to go bothering sleeping dogs, fine, but I wouldn’t.” Ben watched as Tom went to the door. “Are you adamant to have an argument?” 

“I don’t want resentment down the road when she decides this is not what she wants.” Tom countered as Ben followed him. 

“She looks like an Erin, doesn’t she?” Tom paused as he came to the room door, hearing Sophie speak inside. 

“I spent most of last night toying with names, honestly, I think it suits her so much. I love it.” Danielle replied. 

Ben looked at Tom, trying to give him a silent look of ‘happy now?’. 

Tom was about to say something when he noted Dr Rose and one of the midwives walking towards them. “Doctor?”

“We just need to weigh Erin and check Danielle one last time and if they are healthy and happy, we can organise them getting home.” She explained. “Is she changing or….?”

“No, sorry, I just needed to answer a call so I left as not to bother Erin.” He smiled. He walked in to see Danielle and Sophie talking, Erin under a nursing cloth as the women spoke. 

Danielle looked between them all. “Is everything okay?”

“Dr Rose is going to sort us out with bringing this little lady home,” Tom explained. 

“Well, I dare you to tell her because somehow, I don’t think Erin is interested at this very moment.” Danielle laughed, feeling their daughter fight for her milk as she clawed her little fingers along the skin of her breast. 

Ben and Sophie bid farewell, promising to visit soon as Dr Rose took the chart at the end of the bed and began to write up different bits of information while Erin fed. 

When finally, she seemed willing to weaken her latch on her mother, Danielle pulled her away, Tom immediately offering to take her to wind her. While he did that, Dr Rose spoke with Danielle and inspected her stitches, telling her the aftercare required for them also. 

When Erin finally released her trapped air, Dr Rose came over. “If you could strip her to her nappy, we can see how she is doing.” She urged, hoping to involve Tom. 

With uncertainty and constant looks to Danielle, who simply watched and nodded encouragingly, Tom did so, all the time fretting at how small and fragile Erin’s little body was. When finally, he succeeded in stripping her, he looked at Danielle to see her smile at him. “I did it.”

“Wonderful.” The midwife gently took Erin up and stripped off her nappy before putting her on the scales, Erin immediately informing them of her lack of pleasure on being on the cold hard plastic contraption. 

Dr Rose walked over and read the scales. “Same as her last reading, that is excellent. Do you think she is feeding well, can you feel a pull from her?” She asked Danielle. 

“Yes, actually, as odd as it is.” 

“Good, a lot of them seem to use the nipple almost like a pacifier, that should not be encouraged as it is harder to ascertain how much a breastfed baby is drinking. A lot of mothers think they are feeding but instead, they are simply toying with it. She is incredible, only three per cent weight loss, that’s good. The district nurse will weigh her again on her visit to ensure she is keeping up her weight.” Dr Rose explained. “You both are perfect, I will write up the anti-biotics for your wound and have the nurse take off her foot tag and we will let you go home, how does that sound?”

“Good, I think we are all ready to go home.” She turned and smiled at Tom, who nodded slightly, not wanting to allow his emotions to show. He didn’t want them at home, he wanted them looked after, here she had people to call at two am, would they have that in her home. He began to panic slightly at the scenarios crawling into his mind, specifically regarding Danielle and Erin needing help in the middle of the night. He forced himself to inhale deeply, startled to feel a hand on his. Looking at it, he followed it up the arm before looking at Danielle, who was looking worriedly at him. “Tom?”

“Sorry, I just...my mind is going everywhere, sorry.” 

“It’s fine, we spoke about this.” She soothed. 

Remembering the strides of the morning and the discussions they had, he nodded. “I just want you both safe.” 

“We will be.” She assured him. “You get her dressed and I will get myself ready.” She pointed to the hospital bag. “Her nappies are in there.” 

Tom felt a little fearful. “Nappies?”

“You need to learn to change her. Here’s I’ll go through it with you.” She smiled. Tom retrieved the nappy bag as the nurse gave her their daughter. “Right, at the moment, because she’s newborn, wipes are too strong on her and her poop is not nice, but it will go normal soon. Cotton balls and water for now.” She explained. “So get a nappy.” Tom did as she told him. She placed Erin in a manner where he could tend to her. “Put it under her, open the tabs and make sure she has her bum in fully otherwise we will have back-poop to deal with.” 

Tom did as instructed, looking at Danielle constantly for guidance. Slowly he went through the steps she gave him until finally, she was in her nappy, her eyes focused on the blurred vision of her father. “Perfect.” 

“Why…?”

“You need to be able to do it too. You said you wanted to be fully involved, that means actually tending to her. What do you think will happen when she is staying with you?”

 

Tom looked sadly at Erin, who was stretching her limbs since she was not wrapped in any form of a blanket. 

“Now, you need to dress her again. Take out the bag in her nappy bag that says ‘Leaving outfit’ and dress her in that. The vestie and hat to go with it are in the bag stapled to it.” 

Tom did as instructed and realised Danielle had planned everything with the precision she put to everything. Every outfit had its own bag, each marked including an emergency ‘boy’ outfit. “Boy outfit?”

“Scans can be wrong. I didn’t want a son leaving here in a little dress.” She shrugged. 

Tom couldn’t help but laugh. “No, I guess not.” He took out the outfit for leaving the hospital. “Emma got this.” 

“Yes, I just love it.” Danielle smiled at the Disney character on it. 

Tom gently did as Danielle instructed, softly manoeuvring Erin until she was clothed once more. With her dressed once more, he looked at Danielle. “What else?”

“Will you mind her while I get dressed?”

“Of course.” 

Danielle gave a grateful smile and tried to get out of the bed, wincing as she moved, her body less than pleased with the request. 

“Do you need…?” Tom ventured. 

“Please.” 

Tom put Erin in her crib for a moment, the infant voicing her displeasure at being put down. “I need to help Mummy for a moment, so be patient.” Tom admonished. He walked over to beside Danielle. “Ready?” 

Danielle nodded, taking his arm and allowing him to assist her out of the bed, hissing as she did so. Her stomach muscles in pain from the cramping the day before during labour and her stitches reminding her of the tear under her. Tom made sure he held her until she stood straight. When she did so, they were chest to chest, their eyes meeting for a moment before Danielle gave a polite smile. “Thank you.” She then went and retrieved her bag and went to the bathroom, somewhat meekly and got changed. 

Tom inhaled deeply again. Being so close to her was hard, seeing her steel-grey eyes, the hints of green or brown, he could never ascertain which, in the iris looking at him, something he missed seeing most mornings, he felt another pang of heartache, but he forced it back and remembered what needed to be done. Walking over to Erin, she kicked her legs out as she tried to make sense of the world. On seeing her father’s shadow again, she gave another kick, though this one seemed to have an air of indignation to it. “Is that what you were doing to your Mum, no wonder she was worn out with you.” Erin stuck out her tongue a little as she kicked both of her legs at once. “You are a cheeky madame, aren’t you?” She did it again. He smiled sadly before picking her up. As soon as she got her father’s scent, she curled in against him, her head leaning against him as he kissed her forehead. “Your mother used to like to put her head there too.” He whispered, his eyes glazing over sadly. “You’re just like your Mum. I hope you always are.” He kissed her head again. 

Danielle bit her lips together as she heard Tom’s words that she was sure she was not supposed to hear. Everything was supposed to be so different. She wished it had been but she could not change what had happened. It was done. She took a deep breath and opened the door to the bathroom fully before making her way over to the bed and putting her bag on it, packing her phone charger and other items into the bag. 

“Do you need any help?” Tom checked. 

“No, you just spend time with her.” Danielle smiled kindly. “She loves resting against you. That gives me time to do other things knowing she is safe there.” She finished packing her bag, then tidied Erin’s, putting her used bibs and vesties into a separate area to be washed when they got home. She then took out a little cardigan and put it on the bed, along with a warm blanket. 

“It’s warm out.” 

“For us, maybe. But she has only known my body temperature, so she is like an Australian or Texan on holidays here, to us it’s warm, to her, it’s cold.” She explained. 

“Makes sense.” He brought Erin over and placed her on the cardigan that matched her outfit. “Have you bought many clothes for her?”

“No, people are gifting them left right and centre. I have about twenty outfits for a newborn, that’s enough, she will grow out of them quickly. I got a few things for when she is older. You?”

“Just one. I wanted her to wear it meeting Dad.” 

“Scottish?”

“Yes. But I got it in green and not red so she would have the Irish side of things too.” 

Danielle smiled. “She will look gorgeous.” 

“Thank you.” She looked at him. “Her name.”

“I wanted her to have a ‘normal’ name. You said you couldn’t even pronounce the names that I chose and always said you weren’t a fan of complex Irish names. This way, she has both, an Irish name but simple. Rose or Rosie is familial, She is the only girl with the name Hiddleston to give it to. I like it, I think it suits her so well.” She looked at Erin, who was looking up at her, her little eyes trying to focus on the blur of her mother. “You chose well.” She commended. “She is so beautiful.” 

“She is perfect.” Tom agreed. 

He watched as Danielle went over and got the car seat, toying with the straps a little before bringing it to Erin and placing her in it, getting the straps to the correct length before putting her blanket on her to keep her warm. Because of the angle, her hat went over her eyes, so Tom fixed that. “I guess we’re ready to go.” Danielle smiled as she slowly made her way to the door, Tom firmly taking Erin and the car seat in his grasp as he did, noting that Danielle was wearing her new necklace as they left.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom brings Danielle and Erin home and they try to learn to juggle things.

Tom drove slowly through the streets from the hospital to the apartment. He knew the location of Ben’s old home. More than once he had thought to go there after realising Danielle was there, but he refrained.

“She’s not going to combust, Tom.” Danielle laughed. 

“I don’t care. With you two in the car, I am not going above twenty. Is she asleep?” 

Danielle was in the backseat with Erin, keeping a close eye on the infant as Tom drove. “She is.” She winced as Tom went over a speedbump, her body less than pleased with things. She said nothing but could see Tom looking apologetically at her in the rearview mirror.

When they finally got to their destination, Tom got out and got their bags from the boot of the car before assisting Danielle out. 

“You stay with her while I open the door.” She took the nappy bag and retrieved her house keys from her other bag. Slowly, she made her way up the steps before unlocking the door and entering her home. A moment after, Tom was at the threshold, her hospital bag over his shoulder, Erin in her car seat in his arms. “Come in.” 

With her consent to enter, Tom stepped into the house. He had known how Ben had it readied for lease, but with Danielle’s belongings in it, he realised that sadly, she had made it hers. Most of the furniture was from the Suffolk house, but some too had been items she had brought to the house in London to make theirs. The hallway table, her grandparents' clock, it was all there. He walked into the living area and noted it seemed almost ready for the baby. There were all sorts of things around in easy to access areas, including a bassinette. 

“Bring her over here,” Danielle instructed, getting the bassinette ready. “We can put her in here so she is with us but able to rest.” 

“What about her crib?”

“I have a co-sleeper one upstairs so we don’t have to get out of bed at night.” She smiled. “I was gifted this so I thought bringing it down here would be perfect. I can do paperwork as she sleeps, or that’s the plan at least.” 

“Surely Safeguard can survive while you’re on maternity leave?” 

“We took over another company last month, more of the market, more of the work.” She explained. “I now have a bigger workload. Mark is doing the donkey work while I am off for the twelve weeks, but I still need to do my share of signing everything and readying reports and shareholders’ meetings.” 

Tom felt another pang of guilt. She should have more support, instead, she had to juggle everything. “If you need me to keep her occupied or anything while doing that, don’t hesitate to tell me.” He insisted. 

“Except for your New York stint, of course.” Danielle countered. “Why haven’t you mentioned it?”

“There’s nothing to mention,” Tom stated. “I won’t do it.” 

“You have to, it’s not exactly the same without you. It’s a three-person play, they’ll notice if you’re not there.”

“I have to think of her.”

“You want her to go to a private school, how do you envisage paying for a top tier education if you are planning on being sued for breach of contract?”

Tom swallowed. “It’s too long.”

“What about when you film Loki, you’ll be gone longer then.” Tom’s face showed his anguish. “Tom, I will do everything I can to make when you have to go away easier on both of you. I will film everything, have her video call you, anything that makes sure you two get time together but you cannot stop working, neither of us can.” 

“I don’t want to be away from her.” He looked at his daughter, forcing himself not to say the other words on the tip of his tongue. He didn’t want to be away from either of them, not now he had the chance to be around them.

“We will have to. I will have to go on sets from time to time, not like before and I will have to attend my meetings, of course, but that means leaving her with you, or someone else.” Tom’s face went to one of horror at the thought alone of their daughter being left with someone. “I am considering a live-in Nanny or something. Even an au-pair. With you having her a lot and with me being home a lot of the time, an au-pair may be best. It would allow her to study but also keep an eye on Erin.”

“But…”

“What?”

“I can look after her when you’re working.”

“Not always, you have work too. Signings, junkets, besides, the day will come when you have someone and the last thing they will appreciate is you changing plans because I need someone to look after her because a meeting’s been called.” She explained.

Tom felt a pang in his stomach. She referenced him being with someone new when that was something he was not even in the realms of considering. He knew there was a chance there would never be someone new. Erin was his priority, so too was Danielle. He had failed her, and in doing so, lost the love of his life but he still loved her, now with more intensity than before because now she was the mother of his child. Even after everything he did to her, she was loving and caring and considering him. She wanted to make his life easier, not impose her decision to keep their child on him. She was willing to organise ways for Erin to see him while he was in New York for the US stint of Betrayal. “Nothing is more important than Erin.” He reiterated firmly. “She is and always will be my greatest priority.” 

“Good.” Danielle smiled. “Tea?”

“Coffee, please.” 

Danielle turned on the kettle. “I also want to discuss something with you.” He looked worriedly at her. “With Brexit and the fact no one has a fucking clue what is going on, I want to apply for her to have an Irish passport. You can check with your legal team, this isn’t some sort of stupid stunt, I just want her to have the full ability to go where we need to bring her and as soon as there’s a deal, or none, or whatever the living fuck Johnson and his fools are finished dealing with, we can get her a British one if you’d prefer, but right now, Irish holds more freedom. So talk to your legal team and if they agree, I can send you the forms, or give them now and fill them when you’re happy to.” 

“No, that’s fine. It makes sense I suppose to have her with something. I can sign it now if you’d like?”

 

Danielle smiled and went and retrieved the required paperwork. When she returned, she had more paperwork than he had anticipated. He noted the harp and the foreign language on them but then there were other pieces of paper, some with her legal team’s heading on them. “What is this?”

“I spoke to my legal team.” She handed him the paperwork and pointed to it. “Read it fully, and if you sign this, they will bring it to be signed by a judge and send a copy to your team. Half legal guardianship, joint custody.” 

Tom looked at her startled. “Joint...?”

 

“If you want to be a fully involved father, if you want your rights secured, then have your team look over it, we get it done. I meant it, Tom. I would ensure you were a full figure in her life if you chose to be, this is the legal side of that. After our fight, I wasn’t sure if things would get better, but I prepared for if they did.” 

Tom’s nostrils flared as he considered how he wronged her yet she did this for him and their daughter. “Thank you.” 

“She is what matters, not us or our past,” Danielle stated. 

“Yes.” Tom cleared his throat as he barely made a sound. “Yes, she is everything.” 

“Well, if we get these signed, I can apply for her passport and she can have something in case we need to flee on Halloween if Johnson inflicts madness of the place. You’ll be in the US, so we can smuggle you to Ireland or something from there.” She joked. 

“Would they take me?”

 

“We can always pretend you’re Fassbender.” She laughed causing him to do the same. 

*

Tom spent most of the day in Danielle’s home. Only going home because the dogs needed him. It killed him a little inside to kiss Erin’s forehead and say goodbye to her, but he had to. Danielle gave him a few items of clothing to bring to the dogs to allow them to get used to the new smell and instructions on what to do. 

“Can I see her again tomorrow?”

“I think your Mum and sisters are planning to come, so you better. I have food here and delivery ordered so just make sure the dogs are dealt with and come whenever suits then. They said they’d come after lunch but the nurse will be here in the morning to weigh her and such.”

“I’ll be here then,” Tom promised. “If you think of anything you need, let me know.” 

“I will. Don’t forget your car seat.” She pointed to the item near the door. She walked him over and watched as he took it and left, saying goodbye and closing the door as soon as he got into his car and began to reverse out. 

With the house in silence, she looked around. It all felt wrong and far too quiet, but there was nothing she could do. She was grateful that they had worked so well together through the day, there was no arguing and though on more than one occasion, there had to be references to the past, they forced themselves not to dwell on it and for that, it was almost pleasant. Alone for the evening with just Erin, she forced herself from her fear of the night with no company and forced herself to make dinner. 

*  
At his home, Tom looked at the house as he sat in his car. The dogs looking out the window at him. Part of him was glad he was no longer residing in the house they had once called home, sleeping in the bed that Erin had been conceived in, but he wanted them with him. He would even have Danielle living in a different room, anything, just to have them under the same roof as him, be there for them. The sound of a muffled bark forced his thoughts back to the current situation. He got out of the car and walked to the front door, the dogs rushing passed him as soon as he opened it and relieving themselves outside. When they came back in, Bobby wagged his tail enthusiastically while Mac eyed Tom carefully. “What, Buddy?” Mac sniffed him, and the bag in his hand. “Elle was right, you know, don’t you.” He took out the clothes and both dogs smelled them with enthusiasm and intrigue. “That’s Erin, and you guys will meet her soon.” He rubbed them. Mac went from sniffing the clothes to sniffing Tom, especially where Erin had rested her head, his brown eyes far more intelligent than they had any right being in Tom’s opinion. “You’ll meet her soon.” He rubbed his head. 

Tom stayed awake the majority of the night, thinking of Danielle and Erin alone and hoping they were alright. He wanted to text Danielle to make sure they were okay, checking his phone to see if she had tried contacting him. He rubbed his hands over his face, processing their words through the day. He signed the passport forms, he signed the guardianship and custody forms, he would have half custody of Erin as soon as she was old enough to be without Danielle for a night, she just needed her mother to start making enough milk for her to bring with her to Tom’s. He knew so many did not get that. He heard men he worked with talk about fighting to see their children at all and Danielle was handing him half of everything without so much as a request. 

He waited for the morning, hoping to find some form of rest before going to see them, but he didn’t. He lay awake all night, the voice of his past actions stinging him, reminding him that if he had been a better man, a more loving man, he would be there with them, or them here with him, but he lay alone in his bed, his daughter in another home with her mother. 

*  
He ran up the steps of Danielle’s home. He was later than he planned to be, but he decided Bobby and Mac would be better in kennels for a few days since he would be with Danielle and Erin for the most part, especially with his family visiting. He brought a few things, including food to give to his family and a few baby pieces he had gotten which he wanted Erin to have, including the outfit for when his father would come, which he had arranged for Friday, when his mother had to look after Lucy for the day as Emma and Jack were going to a work party, since they could now attend as Danielle had given birth. 

When she answered the door, the smile on his face fell slightly. “Elle?”

“Hey, sorry. We had a long night. Come in.” She made room for him to get into the house. “She spat up a good bit of a meal and then decided she didn’t want to eat or sleep leaving us the in the fun position of just sitting up and waiting for her to decide what to do. She only drifted off about two hours ago.”

“Are you going to wake her?”

“I have to. She needs to feed and the nurse rang to tell me she will be here before lunch, so I need to have her sorted.” She explained as she slowly made her way back to the kitchen area. “Coffee?”

“I’ll get that.” 

“It’s fine, I need to make a tea anyway.” She pulled a box out of the cupboard which Tom recognised as the same brand Emma used when breastfeeding Lucy.

“No, I will get that, you sit, or lean in a way that allows you to sit or however you need to do it at the moment.” He insisted. “I can sort this.”

“You don’t look like you slept well either.” 

Tom paused for a moment. “Not really, no.” 

“You alright?”

Tom wanted to be honest with her, but he knew with everything, it could erase all of their hard work to simply admit he just wished to be with them. “Just found sleep to be eluding me.” 

Danielle studied his facial expression but said nothing on it. Instead, merely thanking him for her tea. 

“It doesn’t look the nicest.”

“It’s not, but Emma swore by it, Sophie did, as did a few other women. Anything to make it easier for Erin and myself, I am willing to try.” She sipped it again. 

Tom said very little as he sat at the table across from her. “I brought a few things too, to make it easier with Mum and the girls. Biscuits and such, nothing mad.” 

“Thank you. I did get a delivery organised but it’s not like they give you the nicest food and cake.” 

“Well, it’s my mother and sisters, so it is only right I make sure they don’t impose too much.” 

“I’m thinking of asking your Mam to stay here tonight.” He frowned. “It was weird here last night, I felt sort of lost.”

“Why didn’t you call me?” Danielle shrugged. “Elle, no matter what, you can call me. I am her father, I want to help.”

“I chose to do this.”

“And I chose to be involved too.” Tom countered. Danielle nodded as she conceded the truth of it. “We both have a part in this for her. We both need to be there to assist with her.”

 

Danielle chewed her bottom lip for a moment and considered Tom’s words. He could see her to be thinking something, but she clearly decided against saying anything more on it and instead went to get a packet of HobNobs and put them on the table. “I thought I’d be sick of these by now.”

“Why?”

“I ate, I think Nacelle calculated forty-seven packets in my last Trimester. I swear all I ever wanted was these.”

“Really?” 

“Mmhmm.” She nibbled on one. “I mean, I don’t get the same ‘Oh, thank God,’ as I used while craving them, but still, they’re good.” 

Seeing she was trying to keep things light, Tom said nothing but ate one and drank his coffee in silence. 

*  
Not long before lunch, there was a knock on the door and the local community nurse came in, introducing herself to them both. 

Tom was holding Erin, who seemed calmed by her father’s presence once more and curled up on his chest like she loved to do. The nurse started by checking Danielle, happy that her stitches were clean and the wound without issue before taking Erin from Tom.

“We’ll need to strip her for this to get her foot.” The nurse explained, easily removing Erin from her clothes before giving her back to Tom for a moment. “I think it best if she is nursing for this, it may keep her calm.” 

Tom looked at Danielle, seeing her facial expression and seeing it did not bode well. “Elle?” Danielle did as she was told by the nurse and sitting at the table.

“Are we ready?” The nurse asked, putting the tray she was carrying on the table next to where Danielle was sitting. 

“Will it take long?”

“We need enough for these small circles, so hopefully not.” The midwife explained, showing Danielle the small circles on the odd page in front of her. 

“Okay.” She looked at Tom. “Could you give her to me please?”

Tom was apprehensive for a moment noticing Danielle was not overly happy with was about to happen, but he did as requested and gave Erin to her mother. He watched as opened her nursing top. 

Erin, who had been slightly miffed by everything, became more interested in the smell of her mother’s milk and opened her mouth. While she was suckling, he watched as the nurse warmed her foot, then took out a small odd plastic thing and pressed it to Erin’s foot. After a small click-type noise, Erin whimpered slightly. Danielle soothed her and convinced her to keep feeding. To Tom’s horror, he realised why his daughter was whimpering when he saw the drops of blood on the page in a small circle. When the woman plastered the wound, then took out her other little foot, he felt as though he took a knife to the gut when he saw the process being repeated with her again. This time, milk did not distract Erin as much as it had before and she cried, her little wails very much affecting both of her parents. 

“I know, Peata,” Danielle kissed her daughter as she tried to pull her leg from the midwife’s grasp. “Mo cailín beag bocht.” 

Tom’s finger immediately went to Erin’s hand, which was flailing in the air in her distress. She gripped it tightly, her cries were a plea to his very being to stop the manhandling she did not understand was happening to her. Tom had no idea what was happening either. Clearly, Danielle knew why their daughter was being forced to endure such a horrible few moments, but it did not stop her from trying to soothe her either. When the nurse finished and plastered the second foot, she stepped back to organise the paperwork. Immediately, Tom came over and assisted Danielle in redressing their daughter, for fear any bit of an unclothed state would have the woman consider harrying her further.

“Sadly, I am going to have to weigh her now, so she needs to remain stripped.” The nurse explained. 

Tom looked at her apprehensively before looking at Danielle. “I need to get her fresh clothes anyway. Becky and Nacelle got her something and I want her to wear it for your Mum.” She walked slowly out of the room. 

“You’re not fairing too well, Daddy?” Tom looked at the nurse. “Seeing her get her tests done.”

“No, I don’t even want to think of her vaccinations. I think I will leave Elle to do that while I hide in a corner.” He smiled. 

“Prevention is always better than a cure.” The nurse stated. She placed the bemused Erin on the scales and did her calculations. “A slight decrease, four per cent on birthweight.” 

“She was only two per cent in the hospital. But Elle said she spat up last night.” 

“She is in the realms of healthy, don’t be fretting.” She dismissed. “She is bright and alert and…” Tom took her against him again while waiting for Danielle to return. “And entirely a Daddy’s Girl.” The nurse smiled seeing Erin calm and settle against him. 

When Danielle returned, she and Tom got Erin into the little outfit, and let her feed again, this time without being brutally stabbed by NHS workers.

*  
When Diana, Sarah and Emma arrived, Danielle was not sure if there was three women or thirty-three with the fuss they made. They took it in turns to dote on the little girl, Lucy entirely fascinated with her little cousin, trying to give her something to play with, but not understanding why the newborn would not grab it. 

“BaBa.” She pointed to Erin. 

Danielle sat Lucy on her lap and smiled. “Yes, my BaBa.” 

Lucy, with only a very basic grasp of comprehension, looked somewhat startled by such news. 

Tom made sure his sisters and mother were looked after and made sure that Danielle felt fed, knowing her body needed extra calories to deal with the requirements of tending to her and Erin. 

“So.” Tom turned to see Sarah behind him. “You two seem to be juggling this.”

“Erin is all that matters, Elle and I are focused on her. I am so lucky she is letting me.”

Sarah eyed him carefully. Of the Hiddleston’s, she had been the least vocal of her anger at her brother’s actions, not out of condoning them, but because there was little she could add to what was already said. She was unhappy with the situation towards the end of the pregnancy, with Danielle forcing Tom out, but with everything, she knew why it happened. With that behind them, she was not going to say anything on the matter. “She looks like you.”

“I see Elle.” 

“Only in the hair.” 

“No, her eyes, her nose, I see so much of her mother in her. But her hair has a little tinge of auburn at the tips.” He smiled lovingly. “Even Elle sees it.” 

Sarah gave her brother a slightly sad smile. “You still love her, don’t you?”

“How could I ever stop. I fucked up, I won’t pretend I didn’t, but it wasn’t out of not loving her. Now, with Erin, they are my everything and I need to be there for them.” 

Sarah noted his words, uncertain if Tom had realised what he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaeilge (Irish) to English translations  
> Peata - Pet  
> Mo cailín beag bocht - My poor little girl
> 
> The test performed in the PKU "Heel prick" test. usually done circa 3-5 days after birth.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Danielle juggle everything, including finally discussing what happened in an adult manner, no matter how much it hurts them to do so.

Tom held Erin against him as Danielle ate. He watched his daughter place her head in her favourite spot as she slept soundly. 

“We may need to surgically remove her from there.” Danielle joked. 

“I wouldn’t sign the consent form.” Tom retorted. “It won’t do her any harm, will it?”

“No, she just will need to change position every few times so her head doesn’t shape oddly because of it.” 

“Like when they are in the crib? I read that in one of the books.”

Danielle smiled at him and nodded. “Like in the crib.” She agreed. 

“How has it been with Mum here last night?”

“Better. I didn’t feel as lost.” She confessed. “When you left the first night, it was too quiet. I felt scared in case anything went wrong.”

“You should have called me.” 

“You have your own life to live. The dogs…”

“I have sent them to the kennels for a few days, they are no concern right now. Elle, I know we are still working through this, but please listen when I say, Erin is my life now. Nothing takes precedence over her. She is three days old. She needs me, needs both of us and if you are feeling overwhelmed or unsure, you need someone too.” 

“Do you ever wonder what this would be like if everything never happened?”

Tom said nothing. He didn’t know how to answer that. To say no was a barefaced lie and it would be heartless, to say yes would mean risking being honest. He just nodded. She watched him causing him to nod again. “Yes.” Hearing him saying it seemed to satisfy her some bit. “Every day.” 

“Why did you do it?” 

Tom swallowed. Her voice showed it still hurt her to think about it, but she asked nonetheless. “I messed up. I can’t blame the alcohol, or jet lag or anything. I made a mistake, it’s all on me and I hurt you so badly, I ruined us and it is the biggest regret of my life. I felt that even before I found out about Erin, she only compounded it all the more.”

“But why did you do it?” She refocused the question, it was something she did a lot.

Tom inhaled deeply, in his attempts to learn from his mistake, he forced himself to study it fully, even if it meant learning something about himself that he didn’t like. “Because I was always the odd-looking one in school, gangly, never surrounded by girls. The questions came around to us and the wedding and someone made a comment about never getting to be with the women that would throw themselves at me, but at this stage, I had a few whiskeys and well, it played in my mind and I made a very serious error in judgement for which I only have myself to blame and by God am I paying, but I cost you and Erin so much too.” He didn’t look at her as he spoke, only braving doing so again after he finished speaking. 

She looked hurt, but she nodded slightly. “Thank you for being honest.” 

“It doesn’t make it any better,” Tom stated. 

“No, it doesn’t.” Danielle conceded. “I’m sorry I wasn’t what you were looking for. I wish you would have told me.” 

“No, Elle. Don’t apologise. It was never you. It was all me. I had these thoughts toying in my head and I listened to them and not to logic. I did not speak to you. You were the best thing to ever happen to me, you were everything anyone could ever want.” He felt his heartbreak as he watched her cry at his words. “I…” His voice cracked too. “It was all my doing. You are so incredible. Then, you gave us our beautiful daughter, you are such an incredible woman. Every day, I think of what happened and how it was always my fault. How we would have talked about moving out of the house to something better suited to us having a family. We would have seen every sort of issue with the houses we didn’t like. We would probably be in it now. I think you’d have liked my new place, you have only seen it from the outside. It is perfect on the inside, you’d love it. Three bedrooms, one converted to an office. I would be there for you both every day. I would…” He forced himself to continue speaking. “We would be married and…” Tears fell from his eyes at that, looking down at Erin, who was still asleep on his chest. “We would be together, as a family. And I ruined it all.” 

Danielle said nothing as she watched him. Hearing his words. It hurt her so much to hear him speak about it. It hurt to think about what she saw that night in the mirror in his hotel. To think of the hard times in the pregnancy that she was alone, when she curled up in bed crying at not having someone there to experience the pregnancy with her. But she noted how he spoke too, how his actions hurt him too. His regret and remorse. She saw him the day she collected her things, the day he realised she was pregnant in Ben and Sophies, she saw him throughout the pregnancy and even a few times she really wished she didn’t on magazines and such and she knew he regretted it and what he was saying now was no mere act. She watched how he cuddled Erin to him more, loving the time with his daughter, cherishing it before he would have to leave again, his face showing his pain as he did, something she noted any time he had to be parted from her. “It is what it is.” She stated, wiping her tears away. “Thank you. I know neither of us really want to speak about it, but ever since that video call, I wanted to know why. I needed to know so I could get passed it and move on. Now I feel like I can, like I understand it a little better now. I don’t need to focus on it as much now. It’s done.” 

Tom swallowed again at Danielle referencing her father’s saying. It hurt to hear her say she just wanted closure on their relationship when he just confessed how much he was still thinking about it, but he knew she felt no need to repair things as she never broke them to think she would fix it. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I lied to you about my flight. I am sorry I didn’t just tell you the truth then and I am sorry for my part in the argument the day of your back. I should not have said those horrible things to you. I’m sorry.”

Unlike when he first was caught on his lies and he merely repeated the words over and over, even though he was crying now, which was more emotion than he showed that day, naming a few of the times he had wronged her, it felt a hundred times more sincere. 

Danielle, wiping another tear away gave him a small smile. “Thank you. I accept your apologies.” She looked at Erin on his chest, thinking of her apologies to him in the hospital, how he forgave her wrongdoings. “We are tied together for the rest of our lives by that little girl. I can’t change what happened, no matter how much I wish I could, I can’t, so I can only work forward and try and do this with you as best I can.”

Tom felt some of the weight he had been bearing daily since this happened be lifted from him. Speaking with her with regards to it made it better, even if it prod at the scars of his actions. “It was my wrongdoing.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t stop me feeling as though I could have stopped it. If I had been more caring, more adventurous. If I had just gone with you. You asked me to go and I said no, if I had said yes…Erin would have her mammy and daddy together.”

Tom winced at how she saw it. “It was never your fault, Elle. None of it. You are so loving and caring and don’t for one second think it was to do with you in the relationship. You shouldn’t have had to be attached to me, I have to accept full responsibility for this. I did this to us. You just...I will say I am glad you called.” She frowned at him. “I am glad you stopped it going further. It sobered me up enough to stop me making it worse. I know the infidelity was still there, and you don’t need me to try and dismiss that. But I am glad I realised my error and left before anything else.” 

“So you didn’t sleep with her?”

“You asked before, the answer is still no.” Tom looked her in the eye as he spoke. “You also asked was there an intention to go further, which I answered, but I’m glad it never did.” 

“You may as well have since the end result was the same.”

Tom shook his head. “The cost was the same to our relationship, it’s true, but no. I am glad I didn’t. That would have been worse, if only to me. I know you were hurt regardless, but to me, that would have been more disrespectful to you.” 

Danielle readied to say something else but she heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs and said nothing more. 

When Diana entered the room, she sensed the tense atmosphere immediately. If that did not tell her something was after occurring, the fact both Tom and Danielle were clearly trying to cease crying would have. “Is everything alright?” She asked warily.

“Fine, Tom and I are just working through a few things, nothing more,” Danielle stated honestly. “Lack of sleep and hormones are a deadly combo when added to a matter that needed sorting.” Slowly, she rose to her feet. “God, I am not going to lie, I sometimes wish I bottle-fed.”

“If you would rather do that, I can get some formula for you?” Tom offered. 

“No, I love being able to bond with her. It just leads to sore breasts and me not being able to take the good meds for my stitches.” Danielle dismissed. “Every option has its good and bad sides, this is just the downside to feeding her myself.” she groaned as she left to tidy herself up in the bathroom. 

Tom looked at Erin who was still sleeping. 

“Tom?” He looked up at his mother. “Is everything alright?”

“Elle just told you, we’re fine. We just needed to go through a few old matters. It had to be done but it doesn’t mean it was pleasant.” He kissed his daughter’s head, making sure the little hat keeping her warm was not covering her eyes. 

“As long as there is no arguing around Erin.”

“No, Mum, no arguing.” He promised. 

Nodding slightly, Diana went to make some tea. 

Tom sat with his daughter in his arms, wondering if he had said too much in Danielle’s presence. He had to be very careful and not declare he still loved her, but he needed to show her how he felt and how much he wished he had been a better man. Hearing her accept his apology meant a lot, it made it easier to deal with parts of it all but her question made him think of the times he had thought the same. How different things would be. Him being there at night, helping her with Erin, telling her how great a job she was doing as she rubbed her eyes with exhaustion as Erin kept them awake. They would be so much better now, instead of trying to find the line to walk through everything. 

In her room, Danielle forced herself to stop crying. She thought of his words, of his remorse, but all her mind kept going to was the girl in the mirror. She wanted to move on. She wanted it to stop hurting to look at him. She wanted to stop loving him. But hearing Erin begin to wake downstairs, knowing they would be forever bonded by the little girl, she knew it may never happen, not fully.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danielle gets overwhelmed with hormones and needs help in the night, but will she brave contacting Tom?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after you have a baby, you have an incredible slump in hormones between days 3 and 5 postpartum and it hits every woman differently. I literally just cried for hours both times. The first, I didn't know such a thing existed, the second, I just cried and thought nothing of it, but my goodness is it tiring and trying.

Tom was organising a few things after the day. He would spend the majority of his time with Danielle and Erin the next day again but he had a few things to sort before he went to bed. It was very late, but he had to meet with Luke after saying goodbye to Erin and Danielle for the night. He had finished readying the food to bring with him the next day to make life easier for Danielle. She had frozen meals that she defrosted daily to allow her ease with Erin, but he wanted to cook her something, just to make things easier for a day, as she had fed him every meal since she came out of the hospital that he was there. So with an insistence that he would do the cooking the next day, she did not defrost food for them. 

 

When he heard his phone ping, he walked over, unsure who could be contacting him at such an hour. Seeing Elle’s number he ready the message. 

 

**Elle - Tom, are you awake?**

 

Tom pressed the dial button immediately. 

 

When Danielle answered,  and he heard the sounds of Erin crying in the background, he felt his blood run cold. “Elle?”

  
  
“Tom?” Her voice was nothing more than sobbing hiccups. 

 

“Darling, what’s wrong?”

  
  
“Are you...could you come over, please? I can’t do this.” 

 

“Do what, is Erin alright?”

  
  
“I just...I really need help, please.”   


  
“I am on my way.” Tom looked around. “I will be there in twenty minutes, is that okay, can you last that?”   


  
“Please.”   


  
Tom hung up the phone and organised everything he needed, taking the food in case he was late going over tomorrow and tired and forgot them. He got into his car and drove carefully through the quiet London streets to Danielle’s home, hoping nothing was too untoward. 

 

Since Erin was born, even after their discussion of his mess up, things had been good between them. Even with Danielle’s hormones, she had been very relaxed with him. Laughing at her tears as the hormones changed after the birth of their daughter. He hoped that she would be alright when he got there. It had been a difficult week trying to juggle everything, but they were getting there.

 

He parked outside and got what he needed from the car before rushing up the steps. He knocked on the door before hearing small cries of Erin inside. When Danielle opened the door, he was not surprised to see her crying. “Elle?”   
  
“Sorry, I just...I can’t…”    
  


“No, no, it’s fine. Just tell me what you need.”   
  


“She won’t settle, but I think it is because I am crying, but because I am crying, she won’t settle and…these stupid hormones and I know it is nothing but that, but I can’t stop and she can’t sleep which makes me worse.”   
  
Tom pulled her to him without thinking and kissed the top of her head. “You are doing such an incredible job and you know that it is just the hormones and not a fault in you or your parenting. I will help in whatever way you need, just tell me.”    
  
Danielle leant in against him for a minute, needing the physical contact, if only to make her feel like she was still human. The smell of Tom’s cologne invading her nostrils made her feel so relaxed, the Pavlovian experience of his embrace being a comfort to her still in her mind. When she remembered who it was and what had been their past, she pulled back slightly. “Sorry.”   
  
“Don’t be, you need to be given the encouragement and support you deserve. You can’t help her or you if you are too rundown. Thank you for feeling you could call me. Now, what do you need?”   
  
“Erin…”

 

“Right, I’ll take her, you get yourself relaxed.” Tom walked towards the cries. When he came to the bassinette, Erin seemed to sense she was not alone but she did not stop crying. “Hey, Princess.” He reached down and took her up, checking her nappy for a second to see if that was bothering her, but she was dry. Then he curled her against him. “When did she last feed?”   
  
“About an hour ago. She didn’t drink much though.” Danielle dried her eyes. “But I tried feeding her and she cried more.”    
  
“She senses your tension, you said that yourself.” Danielle nodded. “Right, I will try and settle her, what do you need?”   


  
“A shower?”   
  
It was past midnight, but the clock was not the item it used to be, not with a newborn in the house. 

 

“Then go take one. Take a nice long one with a hair mask, do not come out until you feel like it.” He instructed. “I have her, and even if she cries the house down, she is safe and she is not alone, so don’t fret.” 

 

“Thank you.” Slowly, Danielle made her way to the bathroom. 

 

Tom walked Erin around while she continued to cry in protest of sleep. He gently rocked her before decided to speak to her. “My little girl, are you being bold for Mummy, that is very naughty. Come on, get some rest.” 

 

It did not work. After five minutes of her crying, he could see how a tired and hormone-frayed Danielle would get emotional from it. Thinking of how she always settled on his chest, he put her there. A moment, later, she began to settle. Within a minute or two, she ceased crying, her noises becoming less and less bothered before she began to gently sleep. 

 

“There we go, that’s all it took, your favourite sleeping spot, here with Daddy.” 

 

He gently walked around, turning on the kettle in case Danielle wanted herbal tea when she came out of the shower. He looked at the time and simply waited. One-handedly putting things neat on the counter and putting the used bibs in the wash basket he knew that Danielle had for Erin’s clothes. 

 

When Danielle returned, she seemed somewhat scared of what could meet her in the living area. When she saw Tom sitting with Erin asleep on him, she nodded slightly. “I was afraid this would happen.”   
  


“Too comfy on me?” Danielle nodded. “I’m sorry.”   
  


“Don’t, I am grateful for it now. Thank you, and I am so sorry if I woke you.”   
  


“I was up getting a few things sorted. Thank you for feeling you could call on me. I said it a few times, but I was worried you would ignore my offers and risk you becoming overwhelmed.”   


  
“I was that anyway.”    
  


“Yes, but you felt you had a choice. I forgot to ask, where is Nacelle? I haven’t seen her since you had Erin, are things okay with you or is she working?”   
  


“Huge fashion shoot in Milan, Becky is over there with her.”   
  


“Ah, thank goodness, I was worried.”   


  
“Oh, be worried, apparently there are fancy baby boutiques for her to get stuff in.”    
  


“Oh, dear.” Tom chuckled. “I also have everything ready in case you need a herbal tea.”    
  


“What I need is some sleep. She feeds every two hours, I don’t know if I can even stay awake until her next feed.” 

 

“When is that?” 

 

Danielle looked at the clock on the wall. “Forty minutes.”   
  


Tom looked around before noting the fleece blanket on the couch. “Rest there, I will keep her here with me. When she wakes, I will wake you, sound like a plan?”   
  


“What about you?”   
  


“I am fine, I’m awake and content to have her safe with me. You get some rest.”   
  


Danielle didn’t argue. Like before they had their daughter, before everything went south, she did the same thing as she always did when overtired, crashed on the sofa and was asleep in moments. Tom said and did nothing. He simply allowed Erin to rest on him. 

 

When she was not awake an hour later and Danielle had admitted she did not feed well for her last feed, Tom contemplated waking her. He did not want to wake them, but he read that breastfed babies fed more often than their bottle-fed counterparts, so he knew she would need to feed. Worried, he looked at Elle. The idea of waking her felt wrong since she needed the rest, but he worried for Erin, so gently, he went over and shook her. “Elle?”   
  
It took three attempts to get her to stir. “Hmm?”   
  


“It’s been two and a half hours since Erin fed, I think she needs to wake.” 

 

“Yeah, yeah.” She forced herself up, feeling more tired than when she went to sleep. “Okay.”    
  


“What do you need?”   
  


“Will you change her? I just need to go to the toilet and make some tea.”   
  


“Okay.” Tom brought her over to the changing station that Danielle had kept downstairs to keep things easy for when she was dealing with Erin. Tom did as he had learned from his sister and Danielle and changed her nappy, Erin waking in the process and looking at him indignantly. “Sorry, Sleeping Beauty, but it’s nummy time for you.” 

 

Erin gave another indignant sound before he lifted her up and brought her over to Danielle, who was now sitting on the couch, the nursing cloth over her before he passed Erin to her. Upon smelling the milk, Erin opened her mouth and frantically tried to suck. “Crap, no.” Danielle pulled down the cloth to see Erin fully and forced her to latch better so to not cause either of them too much bother. “Fuck, they don’t warn you.”    
  
“Warn?”   
  


“How sore things get.” 

 

Tom winced. “Sorry.”   
  


“I chose to breastfeed her, I have only me to blame.” 

 

“You’re doing the best for her, even when it doesn’t feel like it.” Tom encouraged. “But I am sorry there are unpleasant sides to it, sadly, this is one of the few areas I cannot help you with.” 

 

“No, it is one I wish you could do but sadly, you can’t.” She looked down to see Erin suckling contenting. After a moment, she looked at him worriedly. “You don’t mind her being without her nursing cloth, do you?”

 

“Not at all, whatever she is happiest with. In your home, you shouldn’t have to cover up,” Tom dismissed. He looked at Erin. “She is terribly cute when she is trying to get the milk.” 

 

“I love it. I love how she thinks hitting it will make it easier to get out.” Danielle noted Tom’s eyes. “You’re starting to drift off.”    
  


“Little bit.”   
  


“I have a spare room, your Mam used it the other night, the sheets are clean, it’s not safe for you to drive tired.”   
  


“You’re fine.”    
  


“Tom, don’t be stupid. I am not letting you leave here if you’re tired.”   
  


Tom chuckled slightly. “I will take a quick nap on the couch and go then.”    
  


Danielle didn’t argue, she knew what was going to come. She had seen it many times in their relationship, Tom fighting sleep only to doze off on the couch. It would mean he would not drive, so she did not argue. 

 

Sure enough, by the time Erin had finished feeding and been winded, Tom was snoring slightly beside her. Shaking her head slightly, she smiled and gently urged him to his feet. “Come on, Lazy Bones.” 

 

“Elle?”    
  


“Yep.” 

 

“What....”

 

“Just bringing you to bed, come on.”    
  


“Okay.” He did not argue. He never did when he was tired. She was able to convince him to follow her up the stairs and to the spare room. She brought him in and turned on the lamp. “It’s not the best bed, but it’s better than the couch.” 

 

“Mmhmm.” 

 

Danielle just prayed that Tom had enough soundness of mind to remember they were no longer together and not get handsy. She didn’t want things to get odd between them. 

 

Tom for his part just went onto the bed and began to sleep. She just exited the room and left him be. She went into her room and put Erin in her co-sleeper, putting her in the little sleeping bag for bedtime, curling over the end for safety so Erin did not slip inside and suffocate. With the gentle light of the room, Erin drifted off swiftly and as soon as her eyes closed, Danielle felt comfortable doing the same. 

 

When Erin woke at four, Danielle just opened her top and brought Erin to her breast, the infant suckling immediately. Danielle checked her nappy, relieved that it was not wet or soiled. No sooner was Erin winded, she went back to sleep, allowing Danielle to do similar. When she next woke, she stretched and looked at the co-sleeper. Her eyes widening when she noticed her daughter was not there. She shot up and looked around, her heart ceasing to beat for a moment. When she remembered that Tom was there, she got to her feet and rushed to the hallway, noting the smell of cooking as she did. She walked downstairs and into the living area, relieved to see Erin in her bassinette there and Tom talking to her from the kitchen area as he cooked something. 

 

When he turned and saw Danielle he smiled at her. “Hello, how are you feeling?”He noted the look of fear in her eyes. “Elle?”   
  


“Why...you came into my room.”   
  


“Yes, I did, I heard her up, so I knocked on your door and specifically asked you if you wanted me to change her and to see if I could get her to settle a little longer to which you informed me that I was to wake you at half six.” 

 

Danielle frowned. She took a minute to try to think, she could not recall such an interaction, but it was the exact instructions he could only have gotten from her since it was two hours after her last feed. 

 

“You don’t recall saying it?” She shook her head. “So you woke to Erin being gone and no idea why, that must have been terrifying?”   
  


“I may need a defibrillator.” 

 

“I am so sorry.”    
  


“Don’t be. I apparently told you to.” She walked over to the kettle. “So, what’s for breakfast?”   
  


“I thought omelettes, protein, loads of good calories, everything you could need.”   
  


“That sounds wonderful. Thank you, Tom, for everything.”   
  


“You’re only one person. I know we all see you rushing around getting things done no ordinary person should be able to do but you are just one person, you need help as much as the rest of us and I am delighted that you felt you could ask me for help.” 

 

“I am sorry about last night, she was feeding off my tears but my hormones were every direction and I was exhausted, and could not get myself to stop which caused her to cry more which made me cry more and I knew it was just hormones and it was utter bollox and…” Danielle could not control her laughter. “God, I sound like a fruit and nut case.”   
  
Tom shook his head and chuckled. “No, you sound like the mother of a five-day-old baby.” 

 

“Same difference,” Danielle retorted. “I’m glad you’re here, Tom.”   
  


“That’s because I am going to feed you.” Danielle laughed again. “I cook your breakfast, you give her, hers. Deal?”   
  


“Sounds good.” 

 

“She was changed a while ago, I am not sure if she needs a fresh one.” 

 

Danielle checked Erin’s nappy. “No, she’s good.” Erin woke with her mouth open, trying to find a nipple. “Oh, you are a smart girl.” She laughed as she moved around her nursing clothes to allow Erin to feed. 

 

Tom cooked the food and brought it over to Danielle when it cooled a little, swapping over Erin for winding to him while she ate a few bites. 

 

“I could get too used to this.” Danielle didn’t even mean to state such out loud, but having done so, she could not retract it. 

 

“I think it’s only fair you should. If you’re feeding Erin, you need to be properly fed.” Tom pointed out. 

 

Danielle looked at him for a moment before looking at Erin, wondering about everything. “We’ll be lost when you’re in New York.” 

 

Tom bit the insides of his cheeks. It would not be as difficult for them as it would be for him, he would wager that. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It comes time to introduce Bobby and Mac to meet Erin. With their time together, Danielle and Tom talk more, discussing the future and what it could possibly hold.

Tom ended up staying the next night too, though he went home to retrieve things for said stay over. He assisted with Erin throughout the day and night, coming from the room he stayed in to assist when she woke, loving that he was there to help tend to her. After that, he and Danielle sat together and discussed the next very important part of everything. 

“Which house is better to do it in?” Tom asked. 

“Honestly, I think here. Her smell is everywhere. She hasn’t been to yours yet, so it won’t inform them that she is present and remaining so.”

“Elle? Can I ask, are we going to have it that whichever of us has Erin, the other has the dogs?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. A lot will depend on how they react to her. I am hoping it goes well, but you can never be sure. I don’t want it to be that way. I want everything as simple as possible.” She toyed with her hands. “It’s not easy, but still.” 

Tom looked at the bassinette, where Erin slept contently. “I know, but we have to try.”

“So, you get them and bring them here. We prepare everything.” 

“I will text the kennels and talk to them. Let them know I am on my way.” He looked at Danielle, who nodded. “We’re not keeping her in the bassinette when they are in the room, are we?”

“No, it’s not stable enough. If they got startled and bolted or something, they could knock it.” Danielle assured him. 

“Okay.” He looked at his coffee. “I guess we better get ready.”

 

*

“Easy boys.” 

Seeing that it was Danielle’s home, the dogs, yapped in excitement and marked the steps outside the apartment before Tom opened the door. He went into the hallway where Danielle was waiting patiently. He held the leads tightly. “Erin is asleep.” She informed him. “Leave them to sniff around properly.”

Tom undid the collars as soon as he noted the baby gate that Danielle had placed on the stairs to keep the dogs from going up locked to keep Erin safe. Immediately, Bobby went to Danielle for attention while Mac sniffed everything he could, starting with the bassinette, his ears forward throughout. 

When he got to Danielle, he wagged his tail slowly but continued his sniffing. 

“Hey, Beautiful Boy, do you smell Erin?” She smiled, rubbing him. 

Both dogs seemed to be intrigued by everything and began another round of sniffing the room, this time Bobby joining Mac as he did so. When they came to the stairs, Mac looked through the gate with intrigue.

“He knows.” Tom watched as Mac sat looking up the stairs. 

“I suspect so.” Danielle agreed. “He was so good when I was pregnant.” 

“When I came home after holding her, he sniffed me where she had her head, I swear at that moment, he knew full well about her.”

“I wonder what she smells like to him. Does he know she is our daughter? Does she smell like us to him?” 

“I don’t know,” Tom confessed. “I guess we never will either. I don’t think we have to worry about them with her.”

Danielle watched as Mac got comfortable at the end of the stairs and Bobby seemed to think the nappy bin smelt irresistible. “No, I think not. It will be fun learning to juggle them all, but not impossible.”

“We’ll sort it.” Tom agreed. “Tea?” 

“I better before she gets up again.” 

*

“Steady.” Tom held the dogs back by the collars as Danielle came down the stairs with Erin in her arms. She walked through the baby gate and watched as both dogs strained their noses to get to more of her scent.

Danielle walked closer and sat on the couch with a slightly awake Erin in her arms. “Slowly bring them forward.” Tom did as she instructed. As soon as they got close enough to smell her properly, the dogs sniffed her with gusto. Tom kept his grip on them both throughout, ready to pull them back if they showed any aggression. After a few minutes, Bobby got bored of the small little human that did nothing interesting and went about going to bed, but Mac stayed beside her, sitting next to Danielle and Erin, watching the infant throughout. 

“He’s like a guardian.” 

“It’s the Shep side of him. They are the most loyal dog. I thought before that I would never even consider another breed after him.” Danielle confessed. She looked over to the dog bed and laughed as Bobby slept upside down, legs sprawled different directions in the air. “But then he came along.” She smiled lovingly. 

Tom looked behind him to where Bobby was sleeping, chuckling slightly as he did. “I always wanted one.” He looked at the living area and those in it and thought. “It is odd that this is so comforting?”

“Us all being here? No, it’s not odd, having us all in the room together, us, Erin, the dogs, it seems right.” Danielle agreed. “I just wish it could be like this.” 

Tom was unsure if she meant to say that aloud, but he felt a pang in his stomach as a result of it. “I know.” 

“Don’t overthink it.” He looked over at her. “We don’t want there to be a strain.”

“It’s hard though.”

“I know.” She looked over at him. “I know Tom, I want this to be like this all the time more than you can understand, but we need to cherish these few moments. The day will come where you will have someone again and it won’t be right to be sitting here with me for no reason.” 

“You seem so sure of that.” 

“Is that not why you did it, company?”

“No, I explained my error there,” Tom stated. 

“It was what you wanted though, someone else. You’ll have women wish to be with you, you won’t want to be alone, you will find someone. It would not be fair to make her think you are here wishing for nothing else, or you may never wish to be here since you will wish to be somewhere else.”

“Elle, please. No matter what else, Erin is my daughter and I don’t ever want you or her thinking she is not my priority. Even if I were to find someone else, as you so readily claim, if they did not respect Erin being my priority, I do not want them to be in my life. She is my everything, as are you as her mother. You are the one that is going to be doing so much of her raising. I need to be there for you both and I need to be respectful of you both, so if someone has an issue with that, I cannot have them in my life. Why don’t you accept when I say that.”

“Things change. We both see people who claim that their kids are their life, even after a break-up, yet that is not the case, especially when someone new comes along.” 

“You seem so adamant of this, you cite it time and again, yet you elude to if you were to have someone. What if you decided to move home?”

“I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you to bring her away.” She looked down sadly at Erin in her arms. “I wanted to, so badly, when I was pregnant. I wanted to go home. Be where everything seemed better.” 

“But you didn’t?”

“My support base is here. Your Mum, your sisters, my friends, and to ever even consider taking her from you...I couldn’t. I could never live with that.” 

Tom knew this from his conversations with Ben, but he felt it meant more coming from Danielle herself. “I am glad you didn’t. But there is a very real chance you will find someone…” he felt his throat tighten at the thought. “Someone who deserves you. Who...will be everything you want. Would he allow this?”

Danielle scoffed. “I am not the least bit interested in having my heart pissed all over again.” She stated with conviction. “I have my daughter, I have my dogs, I am content with that. Once Bitten, Twice never getting involved in that shit again.” 

Tom said nothing more on that front. Part of him relieved to hear it, the other part feeling guilty for breaking her trust to the extent it made her terrified to consider opening her heart again.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom feels suitably awkward as Nacelle and Becky come to visit Danielle and Erin. They air their opinions and agree to move forward for Erin and Elle's sakes, t doesn't stop the past from hurting, nonetheless.

In truth, Tom felt like he was hiding. In reality, the dogs did need to be walked and Danielle was too sore to go very far so he was required to do it, but it was also hiding, albeit, very publically. 

Nacelle was back from Italy, and she and Becky were in the apartment to visit Danielle and Erin, which he was happy about, for very obvious reasons. He knew that new mothers felt lonely and were isolated from friends, especially in the first few weeks after the birth but Nacelle loathed him with the entire of her being as a result of his actions. Part of him was terrified to be around her in case she unloaded her thoughts, again. He still felt terrible for the day that she came to the house to get Danielle’s things when she was moving out, he did not wish to endure that again. So instead, he walked the dogs and had been doing so for over an hour. Both being working breeds, they were elated with the exercise, but even they seemed to be trying to get back to the apartment now. He was feeling hungry himself and would rather like to get back in time to assist with Erin’s next feed. 

Since she was born and the few days he stayed after Danielle’s frantic late-night phone call, he had not stayed again but was there quite early to assist Danielle with juggling everything. He wanted to continue that for as long as possible. He would be going to New York soon, first to promote the play, then for the stint itself to actually perform it. He had agreed to the New York stint before he had found out that Danielle was pregnant, he looked into if he could pull out of it but he had signed the contract and to break it would risk him being blacklisted and he could not risk that. He wanted to do more theatre, especially now that he wanted to remain in London all the more for his daughter, so he had to do it. Danielle had been very understanding and had seen it as being difficult for him, promising to let him spend time interacting with Erin through it, but it didn’t make it any easier. He wanted to be at home with them and their dogs, to be with his family, even if it was not ideal. He did not want to be away from them. At present, being away at night felt difficult. 

He called Danielle to see if she needed anything before he returned to the house. The phone rang a few times before she answered. 

“Everything alright?”

Tom didn’t need to know anymore, her friends were still there. “Yes, I just was wondering if you need anything before I come back?”

“No, we have everything here, but thanks for checking.” Her tone was light yet he felt a little off. 

“Okay, I will bring the dogs by their favourite spot once more before I head back. I won’t be long.” 

“Thanks, Tom. See you then.” 

The phone hung up before he could say anything else. Tom looked at the screen for a moment. Danielle’s picture, one he did not want to admit he had on his phone still, went off-screen after she hung up. He worried why she was not as talkative as she had been of late. Suddenly, a terrifying thought came to him as he considered that perhaps, Nacelle had been trying to convince her to keep him at arm’s length, concerned about how close they were being after Erin’s birth. That thought had not occurred to him until that moment and it terrified him immediately. He rushed back, hoping that everything was not destroyed. He knew she would not feel as though they could repair what was, but he wanted things to be as simple as possible with Danielle, he needed them to be, for Erin. His daughter needed him to be there and if Danielle did not allow it to happen, then everything would be ruined. 

The dogs seemed to sense his urgency and did not seem interested in marking every other tree or corner on their way home. He did the steps in twos to her apartment. When he got to the door, he looked at it worriedly for a moment. Inhaling deeply, he knocked. When it opened, he looked at the blonde woman looking back at him. 

He had not seen Becky through the last year except for the baby shower. When he signed the Loki TV series deal, he noticed her office door was closed over in the building. Before that, she dealt with every contract personally. He suspected she made herself busy for the Loki contract. Her allegiances were solidly on Danielle’s side, and rightly so. He would not argue that. Now she looked at her over the threshold of his ex-fiancée’s home and he felt his suspicions that day of her avoiding him were all the more accurate. He gave a polite smile as the dogs tried to get in, wanting to get some water, but Becky remained where she was causing them to remember their manners and to sit. When they did so, she moved more, saying nothing as Tom entered the home before the dogs. He took off their harnesses and stood straight again, disliking the tense atmosphere that was being exuded by the woman. He gave another polite smile and walked into the living area, where Nacelle was silently eyeing him from one chair and Danielle sat in another, Erin feeding as she did. For a moment, Nacelle seemed to watch him with a nursing cloth in her hand, her focus seemingly being on the fact that Danielle was not fully dressed but Tom didn’t care, he didn’t care if she or Becky disapproved of him being able to see Erin feed, he simply saluted the women in general. When Mac had finished rehydrating himself, he went to see who was in the room, giving Tom a nudge for attention as he passed before going to his new favourite spot, circa a foot from wherever Erin was. Lying down beside Danielle, he got comfortable. 

“I would have thought he would be tired after a good stroll.” Danielle smiled, looking down at her faithful companion. 

“Forty minutes of ball chasing, but he knows how needs to be protected.” Tom beamed as he too looked at Mac, Bobby had gone to him for attention knowing somehow that Danielle was busy, not paying attention to the less than impressed looks on Becky and Nacelle’s faces. When he looked at Danielle again, she seemed to have a knowing look in her eyes. She seemed about to say something when Erin made a snorting type noise that caught his attention. Her little legs kicked as she pulled away from her mother. As soon as Danielle fixed her top and sat Erin up, he was already over to take her. Danielle simply held her out for him, knowing he would take charge of the winding. That was his part in the feeding routine and she was happy to include him in it. She excused herself to go to the bathroom for a moment, passing him the spit cloth she kept in case of emergencies as she did so. Mac watched everything keenly as his humans moved around, he stayed where he was as Tom sat back down but his eyes were keenly on Tom and Erin. 

“I’ll get everyone some fresh drinks,” Danielle stated as she walked out of the room, a very stern warning look to Nacelle as she did. 

She gently made her way up the stairs, hoping that when she came down, it would not be too tense. 

Tom readied himself for anything they had to say as Erin spat up some milk while he rubbed her back. When she saw Nacelle move around in her seat, he sighed. “Just say it.”

“You seem so sure I have anything to say to you.” She growled. 

“I can see it on your face. I know you hate me, and God knows I don’t blame you, but Erin needs her father and Danielle and I are working through this. If she forgives me, which she says she does, then everything else is only keeping old wounds open for no good reason.”

“Of course, she forgives you. She is trying to move on and she knows holding onto what you did won’t help her in any way. But I won’t ever forget holding her as she sobbed because of what you did. Trying to get her to eat, drink or shower as she processed what you did. Everything. I will never forget that.” Nacelle swore. 

“Nor will I forget how I hurt her. I know you were the ones to care for her after what I did, and for that I am grateful.”

“We didn’t do it for your gratitude,” Becky spoke for the first time. 

“No, I know, but it doesn’t stop me being grateful that she had you to help her. She told me about how you were the first one she told about Erin, how you spoke neutrally to her about it, giving her good advice on what to do.” Both of the women seemed shocked by that. “Our only concern now is Erin, everything that was, the terrible thing I did, we are not allowing it to get in the way of raising her as her parents. I can imagine you wish I was not here, but I will be for so long as my daughter is.”

“I wish I knew how to get away with murder for how you hurt Elle, she deserved so much better than you, but if you fail her and Erin…”Nacelle warned. 

“I know some good criminal law people.” Her wife consoled. 

“I am not failing my daughter, and I will never fail Danielle again. I can’t. There is no other option for me, I need to help her raise our daughter.” He heard Danielle descending the stairs again. “She considers you both two of her closest friends, she loves you both dearly and I am not going to stop being a father to my daughter, meaning we will be in one another’s company for a long time to come. I don’t expect you to like me or even speak to me much, but so long as we are in each other’s company, I ask that we keep things civil for both Elle and Erin. I don’t want my daughter raised with any animosity, and you know Danielle would not want that either.” 

Nacelle and Becky looked at one another for only a moment and nodded, silently agreeing to Tom’s request as Danielle entered the room. 

She eyed them all for a moment. “You better have aired your grievances already. I am not interested in any more arguing and I don’t want Erin around it. I want everyone to be able to be in the same room at least, please.” 

“If you think I am risking not being allowed steal that little Princess for anyone, you’re mad.” Nacelle declared, indicating to Erin, who was finishing being winded and seemed to be trying to make sense of the new sounds in her environs. “I need to hold her again.” She got up from her seat and walked towards Tom. 

Seeing that Nacelle was not displaying any negative emotions, Tom prepared for her to take Erin by moving his hands so she could get a secure hold on the infant when she took her. She gave him a very polite smile as she took Erin, who seemed to be confused for a moment before settling again. 

“I love her so much. Oh, she is going to be so spoiled.” Nacelle went to sit down again with Erin next to Becky. 

“She already is. I’ll get some tea and coffee.” Danielle went to the kitchen again. 

Tom immediately following to help. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be, it was going to be awkward the first time you would be in each other’s presence without a room full of people, but it had to happen. Nacelle has dragged me through a lot of this and she is loyal to a fault, of course, she wants to serve your ass to you for everything, but as I said to her, Erin is everything, and you and I are trying to make this work, to raise her together, we need to at least be something resembling friends. I don’t want my daughter being one of those kids being thrown from one parent’s car to the other for swap overs, or having her walk from the car that is parked down the street to the door by herself because we cannot look at one another, that is not fair on her and won’t help her develop as a person, she will only learn to hate.” 

“You’re more understanding than most,” Tom commended. “Though, that is your way, seeing things from every angle.”

“It comes in handy.” She smiled before handing him a jug. “Milk, please.” 

Tom assisted her in getting the tea and coffee ready, including bringing it back into the living area just as Erin decided she did not wish to be with a strange new smelling person any longer. When Tom put down the tray, he walked forward again. “Sleep time?”

“Please.” Danielle requested. “You get her to sleep in seconds.”

Tom gently took his daughter from Becky as Erin decided to make herself a tad more vocal. As soon as Tom curled her against him, she ceased and settled once more. “The magic touch.”

“Baby catnip or something, I would suspect.” Danielle scoffed as he went to his usual seat again. 

*

Not long after, Becky and Nacelle left for the day, promising to visit her soon and to bring a takeaway night to hers so she and Erin could be comfortable in their own home with company. With a polite goodbye to Tom and a wary look, they left. 

Tom said nothing as he tidied up a few things after their visit to assist Danielle before he went back to his for the night. 

When he next came into the living room, he watched as Danielle sat beside Erin in her crib. "Everything alright?" She asked. 

"Yes, I have sorted your dishes for you."

"Tom, please, you don’t…"

"It's the least I could do." He dismissed, looking at their daughter. "I'll stay to settle her after her next feed and go then. Will I take the dogs with me?” 

“No, they’re fine here. I can bring them out before bed.” He gave her a concerned look. “I need to figure it out anyway, how to juggle them for when you’re not here.”

“I will always be here, Elle.”

Danielle smiled at his forgetfulness. “That’s good to know, but I was referencing your stint in New York that’s coming up.” Tom rubbed his face in his hands. “I think you are suffering from ‘new parent’ exhaustion.” 

“I am not even being hit with half of it.” He looked at Danielle, who was showing signs of tiredness herself. “I feel so guilty, not helping more.”

“You are trying to juggle Erin, your home and readying for the US, it is safe to say you have a lot on your plate.” 

Tom looked sadly at her. Since her forgiving him, he felt himself become more and more riddled guilt. He was not certain if it was because he was having to face his actions, because she had forced him to speak about it and even saying it made it all the more clear how much he gambled for nothing, or if it was simply that he saw now how much more incredible everything could have been, he did not know, but it hurt, now more than ever. Yet he could not mope in his self-pity, he needed to spend time with his daughter and Danielle as much as he could. “I’d argue that you are busier.” 

“My life at the moment in ninety-five per cent confined to this apartment, well no, actually, it’s one hundred per cent confined.” She looked around for a moment. “But I have only to give a rare phone call or email to work, you have to go out and do things.” 

Tom nodded for a moment before he noted something. “You haven’t left the house since you both came home.” 

“I haven’t.”

“Did you just notice that too?”

“Yep.” Danielle nodded. 

“If you want, tomorrow I can stay here with Erin for you to do a small walk with the dogs, if you feel up to it?” He offered, remembering that she was still not recovered from birthing their daughter. 

“Maybe. I am not in the mood for if I am seen. This is hard enough without added extras.” She sighed. 

Tom felt terrible, if she were to get attention, it would be because of him. “But you need to get fresh air too, you must be going insane in here.”

“I’m lucky to be getting a bit of company every single day.” She gave him a small smile. “A lot of men would be getting bored by now.” 

“Never. I feel I should be here more.”

“Well, I have a spare room if you ever wish to stay again to help with her some time.” 

“Have you told Nacelle about my staying before?”

She gave a small laugh. “No.”

“She’d disapprove?”

“See it from her perspective. I cried and/or sat on her couch for weeks because of what happened in Arizona. She tried to piece me together again. She does not want to see me hurt again. Dare I say it, she probably does not want to have to deal with me in that position once more, especially if I were to willingly allow myself into a situation where I know I can be hurt and choose to go through it nonetheless.” 

Tom felt his throat tighten at her words.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danielle leaves the house for the first time since Erin was born to learn to juggle a buggy and two dogs, training herself and Tom in their new task. Whilst out, they talk about the challenges they are facing regarding being parents and trying to get back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the silence. I have not been in a writing mood of late. Not helped by playing GameBoy (my kids got them for Xmas). 
> 
> I don't care if you judge me, I needed to show tose amateurs how to be a Pokemon legend.

"Are you alright?" Tom watched warily. 

In front of him, Danielle was looking at the buggy, trying to ready herself. "I think so." She watched it again. "Right, I think I am." She walked over to the car, which was only a meter away and opened the boot. She doubly checked the break was on the buggy against before reaching in and taking out Mac and clipping him to the lead belt around her waist, then repeating the process with Bobby. Both dogs got out of the car and she closed the boot and locked it, walking over to the buggy and watched as the dogs organised themselves beside her. "Do you have leads in case this goes wrong?" She checked. 

Tom held up the leads for her to see. "Yep." 

Nodding, Danielle took the break off the buggy and gently pushed it forward. Beside her, Mac and Bobby took a side each and walked to heel. Tom came up behind her before coming to her side. "I think we may get this yet, you better try it on the way back to the car though so you can learn to juggle it too." She suggested. 

"I think I do." Tom agreed. "How do you feel about it?"

"Nervous, but I can't let it show to the dogs or Erin or they'll go loopy and Erin will wake up and start crying." 

They both looked into the buggy where Erin was sleeping contently, having been fed and changed before they left the house. 

"The fresh air is needed though."

Danielle shook her head. "She doesn't notice."

"I meant for you. You need some fresh air, you have been inside for almost two weeks."

"It was nice really, not having to deal with the real world. Just focusing on my daughter and me."

Tom looked sadly at Danielle, worried that having Erin was making her withdraw from everything. "It's nice sometimes to forget the rest of the world, to enjoy the few moments in the middle of the madness."

"Are you ready for New York?"

Tom sighed. If he was honest, he didn't want to go or reference it in general. "No, I have a few things that need sorting."

"Such as?" 

"Well, the apartment is organised, I have the paperwork to work there sorted and well…." He rubbed the back of his neck after that. 

Danielle rolled her eyes. "You need to get your things sorted." She admonished. "You should use one of those food delivery companies, they are the best when you don't have the time to do everything. Look into one. Have you your utilities sorted for when you're away?" She got nothing in response. “You are usually really good at organising these things, what’s the issue?” 

“I’m not sure, I cannot bring myself to sit down and do it.” 

“You have to. You need to keep yourself in order. What happens if I am on a set, you have Erin and the dogs and you are not organised, who suffers?” Danielle challenged. “I need to see that you are all-in on this too before we can get a system in place for who she is with and when. I don’t want to be worrying about you both when she is with you or the dogs.” 

Tom swallowed at seeing that Danielle felt she could not depend on him to do everything. “I am dragging my feet because I don’t want to go.”

“But you have to, and you will enjoy it and it will be quite nice and you know it. I know you will miss Erin and indeed that you will miss the dogs, but it is only for a few weeks, you will be home again and she is at an age where sleeping and dirtying her nappy are her paramount concerns so don’t worry about her, I will keep you updated, get your ass in gear, get everything done and keep your reputation as a trustworthy, hard-working actor because that is worth a lot and being in London doing shows is what you said you wanted. I assume even more so now with our daughter, so please, I ask you to consider that first and foremost and do this.”

Tom felt his throat tighten at Danielle’s words, they were entirely true, he only wanted to be in London, especially now that Erin was here. He knew he was obliged to do Broadway and the Loki series, but he desperately wanted to be with her too. With both of them. He wanted to tell Danielle that but he worried about her reaction. “I want to be here to help you with her, too. To be someone you can depend on.” 

Danielle seemed to almost trip for a moment before steadying herself. There was something in her features that made him think she was going to retort with something pertaining to his actions at Arizona Comicon, but she cleared her throat and said nothing for a moment before speaking again. “I know, and I am grateful that you care enough to fret about such things but we need to work too, both of us. I will be going back to Safeguard really soon, as much as I want to be at home looking after Erin until she is older, it’s not possible, I need money to raise her.” 

“I…”

“You, nothing.” Danielle interrupted. “I know what you are going to offer and the answer is an emphatic no. I don’t want money from you. You pay for Erin because she is your daughter but I don’t want or need anything from you. I am still pissed off about the rent for Ben’s by the way, don’t think I have forgotten about that.”

“You needed to rent in London because of me, I didn’t want you to be fretting about that while so heavily pregnant. I don’t regret it and I never will. And don’t think I will accept any form of payment from you for it.”

“I know you wouldn’t, hence why there is a standing charge on my bank account to pay off every last penny you spent on my rent for vaccines for Unicef to assist fight disease abroad in your name.” Tom looked at her in shock. “Are you startled by this?”

“Not really, if I’m honest. I just wish you would allow me help with this. Before we signed the paperwork for shared rights to Erin, I spoke with my solicitor who explained that legally, you are entitled to help with everything and I want to help.”

“Then set up something for her to pay for college so she is not burdened with student loans after, or so she can study in Ireland or whatever she wants.” Danielle insisted. “I don’t need or want anything. I made it clear before and to myself from the moment I decided I was keeping her, I don’t want or need anything from anyone, I will and can do this entirely alone if I have to. I sold my house so I can get a nice place here. I am making enough to ensure neither of us wants for anything. I chose to do this and I did so with the knowledge of how I would be able to do it alone because as much as Emma, Nacelle and Sophie told me you would be involved, I had to be prepared in case you weren’t.”

“What would you have done if I said I wanted nothing to do with you both?”

“I would have accepted it, but I would have warned you that when our child was older, I would be honest with them if they asked about you. I would not lie to make you feel better in yourself.” Danielle informed him. “But I suspected that at the very least, you would have wanted to know they existed and at worst, throw a lump sum at me to raise it away from you.” Tom baulked at the mere idea. “I think I always knew you would want to be her father in the full sense of the word. It definitely was not good timing, but still…” 

“I could never envisage a situation where I would not wish to be in her life,” Tom stated firmly. “Even if you had moved back to Ireland, I would have considered moving there too. I could not be someone she barely sees, being away from her at night is a hell for me.” 

“By the time you come back, I hope to have enough milk stored so she can spend a night with you if you would like?”

“Are you okay with that?”

“Oh, I will be sitting awake for the night fretting, not because I don’t trust you but because I think I will be the same as you, not wanting to be away from her. I am so reluctant to go to the office for the day. I need to video in for a meeting next week and I am already worrying about it.”

“I can help?” 

“I need to learn to juggle it sooner or later.”

“I can help you, Elle.” Tom felt himself getting a little bothered that she would try and dismiss him. 

Danielle stopped wheeling the buggy and looked him in the eye. “I’ll make you a deal, then.” He frowned at such a statement. “I will go to the office for the meeting, leaving her in your care for the two to three hours required, but you need to get yourself sorted with everything you need to have dealt with in your absence.” 

“So, hand in my homework to you and you give me three hours with our daughter as a reward, it sounds somewhat like blackmail.” Tom looked at her with a raised brow. 

“I like to think of it as a motivational incentive,” Danielle smirked. “I need to learn to be away from her, you are her father and you are the only one I trust to have her for that long without me there. The idea of it terrifies me beyond belief, but I need to do it and I think it is best to do it for the first time with you here and I need you to actually get yourself sorted for New York so this really is a ‘Two birds with one stone’ arrangement.”

Tom felt his throat tighten, not only at her admitting her trust for him, knowing how it was incredibly difficult for her but also at the idea of having Erin by himself for three hours, no Elle to tempt her to cease crying after checking what else could be bothering her with the offer of milk. “I…”

“You’re apprehensive?”

“I’m not going to lie, I am scared shitless, Elle. You’re always there. If she gets bothered and we don’t know why, you soothe her.”

“I think you’re forgetting what soothes her most.” Tom frowned, not knowing what it was she was referencing. “Daddy’s chest to lean against.”

Tom felt a slight surge of pride in himself with that statement. It was true, come what may, Erin would seek comfort on his chest most often if she had been fed, changed or winded and was still not settled. 

“She feels safe with you and that’s why I feel comfortable with even doing this meeting.”

“Did you plan to ask me?”

“Mark rang this morning to inform me that Lucas and the others were coming to London because we opened the Irish office, well, they did and to ask if I could conference in. Obviously, if I could have been there would have been better but with Erin only being two weeks old, that was a large ask. But I was thinking. I have started storing some milk for her, not a lot but starting because it increases how much I make and it means you can do a feed with her from time to time or for when I need to work, I can have whoever is minding her feed her without formula, so I thought if you were okay with it, that I would see if you were willing to look after her while I dealt with the meeting. But considering you are procrastinating on getting ready to go to work, I am going to be a responsible adult and try and get you to get your ass in gear too.”

Tom chuckled at her comments before thinking to himself how much he missed speaking with her in such a manner. He found himself wondering about everything. If she had gone with him to Arizona, if they had noticed she was pregnant before he left, what would have changed, who he still have done the terrible thing he did. The guilt had not eased, if anything, even with her forgiveness, it had intensified because now he saw daily everything he obliterated, marriage to an incredible woman and his daughter now growing up in a home situation that meant she would never have her parents together. She would not get to see how much he loved her mother and her manner of speaking. 

“Tom?”

“Sorry, I was just planning how I would sort this. Would she come to mine or…?”

“If you want to bring her there, I can’t stop you, but maybe the first time we do this, we should do it at mine so she is in a familiar place. That is just my suggestion.” 

“No, that makes sense. I just don’t want you to feel I am intruding.” 

“It’s fine, we knew we’d have to…” Danielle ceased speaking as they passed a few people who seemed very much to recognise Tom. She watched carefully as they passed by and gawped at him before talking to one another and looking at them again. “You need to figure this out too, so swap.” She stated plainly, eyeing the people that had passed warily as she put the break on the buggy and waited for both dogs to pay attention to her. “Sit.” She ordered, both obeying and taking the treats they knew she had as their reward. “Wait.” She unclipped the belt from around her and stretched it to the mark for when Tom was using it and extended it to him without pulling on the dogs. 

Tom, slightly anxious about the task at hand, slowly came forward and took it off her. 

“It’s fine, you saw yourself, Mac isn’t pulling and Bobby follows his lead, so, get your ass in gear and juggle your daughter and dogs. If I suffer, you suffer.” 

Tom chuckled. “That seems fair. I’m sorry about…”

 

“It’s not your fault.” She dismissed. “Though, it will get tongues wagging as to what our situation is. Putting aside our shit aside to raise our daughter as best we can is not something they will consider.” She took the leads he had been carrying as a precaution and urged him to take off the break as soon as he rewarded Bobby and Mac’s behaviour. 

Tom simply pushed and concentrated at the task at hand, knowing it could possibly be happening even as they spoke. He forced himself to not say anything that could upset the situation and mentally begin to prepare himself for Danielle’s meeting. He looked over to see Danielle on her phone. “You’re not seeing what they’re saying, are you?”

Danielle gave a small snort. “No,” Her scoff made in clear she was not. “I am writing a list of everything you need to get sorted and I am going to print it when we get back so you can go through it and make sure that you have everything you need.” 

Tom paused and looked at her. “What?”

“I know I don’t really have a right to badger you with regards to this, but it will bother me no end if I don’t at least help with this much.”

Tom knew better than to argue, loving the fact she still knew what would need doing, that she had not forced such memories from her mind.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke discusses the situation with the sighting of himself and Elle in public with Erin for the first time before being convinced by Tom to deal with the Loki TV series paperwork at Elle's, where Tom is currently helping her care for Erin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this chapter half-written for ages, now I actually got around to finishing it, thank goodness. 
> 
> Hope everyone is being intelligent and actually not;  
> a - hoarding food and toilet paper unnecessarily, and  
> b - staying the fuck away from people. 
> 
> Honestly, I see this as just a new strain of flu we've to endure from now on, but if these are the rules to try and get back to normality, I will be the best damn bitch at isolating, washing hands and keeping the fuck back from others. If only so I don't accidentally kill the immunosuppressed or some grandparent. 
> 
> I hate the saying "Stay Safe" it sounds like I'm off to go do something stupid, so I will go with "May the odds forever be in your favour"
> 
> No seriously, don't be stupid people.   
> Love to you all.

“You seem to be getting along quite well in the pictures.” 

Tom inhaled deeply and sighed. “We are trying to sort raising Erin together, we can’t do that if we are bickering like children, can we?”

“No,” Luke agreed. “I am sorry you don’t get the luxury of trying to fix your life in private, Tom, I really am.” 

“That was Danielle’s first time leaving the house since Erin came home and she is shoved onto the internet as she is trying to juggle being a mother with everything else, it’s not fair.”

“You were there with her, Tom. To some people, that’s all the justification they need to bother you both. Even if you were not there and she was spotted, they would have harassed her,” He pointed out. “With time people may get bored, but not now. Not with Erin just being born and as time goes by, people will want to see what she looks like, how you interact with her as a father and if you and Danielle can keep this up, especially when there are new partners on the scene. Whichever of you is photographed first with someone new and Erin, that will be something they will obsess with too.” 

Tom felt his gut clench. “I will never be able to try and fix my life, will I?”

Luke did not know how to answer for a moment. “Your life is pretty fixed, Tom. As well as you could hope for it to be at least. Danielle has forgiven your transgressions and has decided to raise Erin with you. She speaks with you even though you know it hurt her a lot at first, it’s not perfect, but it is the best you could wish for, considering. But with regards to privacy while trying to navigate it all, no. you won’t ever get that, I’m afraid.” He could hear Tom emit a raspy breath over the phone as he attempted to deal with the situation. “I also need to give you some paperwork to do with the Loki series, when can you come to my office?”

“I’m busy today. I promised Danielle I would assist her with Erin, she is sorting some really important paperwork for Safeguard, I said I would look after Erin as she did it.”

“Is it technically ‘babysitting’ if it’s your own child?”

“I’m not babysitting, and no, it’s not, it’s simply tending to my child, I’m just going to be the one making sure she doesn’t need something while Elle sorts work.”

“Isn’t she on maternity leave?”

“Technically. But I don’t think maternity leave is the same for people running multinational businesses. I don’t think many of them have enough mothers in senior positions to even see if they even have something like that.” 

“No, they don’t.” Luke agreed. “She is able to juggle a lot. But this paperwork of yours does need doing too.”

“Come over here. Elle likes and trusts you, so she won’t mind. Erin just tends to sleep or need changing and comforting.”

“What if she needs to eat?”

“Then I am going to give her to Elle. she is storing her extra milk for when Erin and I have our first afternoon together alone meaning I won’t use that today so all I need to do is give her to Elle for a few minutes so she can feed, then take her and wind her.”

“When is this day of you alone with her? Isn’t she a little young to be away from Danielle yet? I don’t mean to sound distrusting but since she is feeding her and everything…”

“It’s an incredibly important meeting. She needs to be present. She was going to try and phone it in but she is trying to give me the chance to learn to be a father too without her needing to be there. For when Erin gets older and it is just the two of us.”

“You don’t sound overly pleased.”

“About what?”

“Just the two of you.”

“I am.”

“Tom?”

“Are you going to come to Danielle’s with the paperwork?” Tom did not wish to discuss the matter any further. 

“I am not going to invade her home.” 

“She will understand, she’s on my ass even now about having all of my paperwork done for the US. Besides, she always liked you.” 

“Tom...Fine. Send me the address. I will be there for one, understood?” 

“Perfectly. You will need to park next to her car, she owns those two spaces, I won’t drive today so it is free for you.” Tom’s tone was cheerful. “I better go if I’m to make it there on time. See you then.” 

Before Luke could answer, Tom had hung up the phone. Luke looked at the screen to see the “call ended” on it before shaking his head, wondering if Tom had realised how blatantly obvious he was in showing his emotions on not being close to Danielle. Luke knew Tom better than most. He knew he was still holding onto hope that Erin would help fix his horrific mistake with Danielle but the polite smiles Danielle gave when around him would suggest she did not feel anything like he did on the matter. Luke just hoped Tom realised that before he said or did something that could risk the situation he was in with her at present, where they were amicable and working together for Erin. 

*

“Good afternoon.” Tom opened the door with a smile. “How have you been?”

For a moment, Luke frowned, startled at how tired Tom looked. “I...fine. Are you okay?” 

“Yes, fine. Why?”

“Who has been doing the nights, you or Danielle?”

“Both. I was here last night helping, I only went home this morning because I needed to organise a thing or two for today.”

“You...wait, you’re staying overnight?”

“In the spare room, yes. I wind and change Erin while Danielle does the rest of the caring. It’s not fair to expect her to do all the night work, she needs to rest too. Tea or coffee?”

“Coffee, please. Where is the baby?”

Tom indicated to the small bassinette in the corner. “Danielle is upstairs dealing with the office call, she has the dogs with her because she knows you’re not a big fan and with us doing paperwork, she would fret over them knocking into the bassinette while we were occupied with the signing, so they are content up there.” 

“Right...should we be speaking like this if she is resting?” Luke asked worriedly as Tom put on the kettle and got out the cups needed. “Is it not a little loud?”

“When I go to New York, Elle needs to be able to juggle work calls, the animals, running a home and Erin, so she needs to be used to a natural environment. We both agreed she needs to be used to normal noises. Apparently, Sarah and Yakov tried to keep the house quiet after my niece was born and it meant if anything made a sound, she woke. Emma and Jack did it our way too and Lucy sleeps through thunder, so we will hopefully have the same success, that is what we are aiming for anyway.” Tom gave Luke his coffee.

A moment after there came a little noise from the bassinette. 

Tom immediately went over and smiled at the occupant. “Hello, my little Princess.” She seemed to look around for his shadow. “I am here. Daddy is here.” He gently lifted her up and cradled her into his arms. “I have someone new for you to meet while Mummy is working.” He walked over to Luke and showed him his infant daughter. “This is Luke. He has been enduring Daddy for far too long. He’ll blame me for having turned grey.”

“You have turned me grey.” Luke declared in a deadpan voice before looking at his friend’s daughter. “She’s cute.” 

“Who do you see in her? We can’t decide.”

Luke studied her carefully for a few moments. “How the hell did you two manage to split her fifty-fifty?”

“What do you mean?” 

“She has both of you in her features. It’s like you literally both gave her your genes for appearance.” He gave a small smile as the infant looked around. “She’s very curious.”

“She gets that from her Mum, don’t you? Your mum is always keeping an eye on things too.” Tom’s voice was calm and soothing as he spoke to his daughter. “She is wonderful. I never thought I would know anything like this. Seeing everyone else with their children. I thought it was nice, something perhaps to consider but Erin, she is…” He looked down proudly. “You’re the most perfect little thing, aren’t you?”

“You’re smitten.” Luke jested. 

“Entirely,” Tom grinned. “She and Elle, they are…” Tom’s smile fell and his face changed. “Well…” Luke could only look at him sympathetically. “She does mean everything to me. I can’t deny it. She is the mother of my daughter. No matter what else ever happens in life, that won’t change. Elle is the most amazing woman.” 

“She’s a force of nature,” Luke commented as politely as possible. Remembering a few times he had seen her deal with different matters and felt fear at the thought of it. “A daughter with the combined stubbornness of the two of you should come with some sort of a warning.” 

Tom chuckled as he kissed Erin’s head softly. “What is Uncle Luke saying about you, hmm? Will you be a stubborn little thing?” 

“You really have turned into one of those parents haven’t you?” 

“Which one?”

“Uncle this, Auntie that.”

“Well, you are like a brother to me. I think this is a lot more than a professional relationship, I consider you my greatest friend. You never say yes and no just to keep me happy, you don’t lie to protect my feelings, from the start you have been honest with me and I appreciate that. I really do. So yes, you are and always will be, Uncle Luke.” Luke only rolled his eyes as Tom got Erin more comfortable on his chest and sat down with Danielle’s nursing pillow as an added barrier in keeping Erin safe. “So, where do I sign?”

“Are you going to do this with her there like that?” 

“Yes, she’s safe. This is literally how we spend ninety per cent of our time together now, so, where do I sign?” 

Unsure but in need of getting the work done, Luke prepared everything for his friend, explaining it as Tom signed, ensuring Erin could sleep without being disturbed on his chest as he did so. 

*

When she stirred and began to whimper, Tom was relieved that the vast majority of everything he and Luke needed to discuss had been done. Gently rocking her, he kept his voice calm as he texted Elle to inform her that Erin was hungry. 

A few minutes later, after Tom had changed Erin and readied her, Danielle came to the bottom of the stairs. “Will I take her upstairs with me?”

“Would you mind? I changed her and everything. Luke and I need to finish some of the work for the Loki TV show and…”

“No, I get it. I think you forget this is something I’ve been around before, for you and my own work. I wasn’t aware he was still here. Hello, Luke.” 

Luke rose from his seat so that he could look around the corner of the living area at her. “Danielle,” he saluted.

“I hope you’re doing okay.” She smiled as Tom gave her their daughter. As soon as Erin realised it was her mother that was now holding her, began to fuss. “I would speak more but I am needed elsewhere.” She gave a slight wave and went back up the stairs with Erin in her arms. “Come on, Boys.” With that, she went back up the stairs. 

Tom walked back over to Luke with a smile and readied for what came next. When Luke did not begin with more paperwork, Tom looked at him. “What?” 

“This is very odd.”

“What is?”

“Seeing you and her like this. Her talking about before, it’s peculiar.”

Tom sighed. “It is what it is. I can’t change it and we are working on doing what we need to for Erin, so let’s just get on with the work at hand.” He stated with conviction. 

Luke could see that even though Tom was adamant to get everything done, it still caused him to feel hurt even thinking of the past. He said nothing more on the matter and simply got on with discussing everything related to Tom’s upcoming time in the US, not sure if he should even ask his friend how he felt about that for fear that Tom would refuse to go.

After a while, when Tom checked his phone, he smiled. 

“Something important?” Luke asked curiously, wondering as to what could cause Tom to smile in such a manner.

“Elle is just asking if we are done down here.” He explained. “I told her we are and that she should come down.”

“Tom?”

On hearing Danielle call his name, Tom rushed to the stair gate. With a sharp whistle, he opened the gate and allowed the dogs into the living area. Bobby and Mac sniffed Luke for a minute, the publicist holding still and ignoring the pair, knowing that they would get bored quickly and leave him alone if he did so. A moment later, Tom reentered the room, Erin leaning against his chest as he did.

“Do not take this the wrong way, Tom but seeing you as a father is peculiar.” 

“Hard to think of that young fella coming to you all those years ago looking for a publicist turning into this, is it?” Danielle walked in with two fresh coffees in her hand. “You haven’t changed how you take a coffee since I last saw you, have you, Luke?”

“You know me, I’ll never change.” Luke smiled, taking the beverage. “Thank you.” Looking at Danielle’s face, she clearly as thinking of something awkward. After a moment, she looked at him as though she had come back from whatever thought she had been whisked away in with a saddened morose look on her face. She forced a small smile onto her features before looking at Tom and putting the coffee next to him on the coffee table. Tom, seeing the forlorn look in her features only a moment before, gave her a concerned look in return, her response was to give a small smile and a shake of her head before walking out of the room again returning a moment later when her own cup of herbal tea. “I never got to give you my congratulations face to face.” Luke did not know if it was the right thing to say but he felt it was better than saying nothing. “I had planned on saying it when I came in but of course, you were busy with work. Not many women are back doing work two weeks after their baby is born though.”

“It’s just crap that has to be sorted. I am so lucky that Mark is so capable, most of the work is able to be done without me, but my signature, by law, has to be mine so this allowed me to fax off so much and have everything sorted so that the day of the meeting, it’s in, meeting, out, no faffing. I am going to be frantic enough being away from Erin for the first time and I dare say Tom will be anxious enough here too.”

“Well, anxious is a tad….no I will be. We will be fine but it’s supposed to be like that the first time, for both of us. You being away from her and me learning to deal with her alone for a bit but it’s all part of this, isn’t it, Princess?” Tom looked down at Erin, who was resting peacefully on her father. “We’ll all be fine.” 

“Yes, it’s just me being silly. I need to learn to actually not be within five meters of her at all times.” She dismissed before looking at Tom and urging him to speak, looking at Luke for a moment as she did. 

“Yes...well…”

“Oh, Jesus, get on with it.” She growled. 

“I was going to.”

“When? At his retirement?” Danielle challenged. 

Luke looked between the pair worriedly. “Is everything alright?”

Tom cleared his throat. “Everything is fine, Luke. It’s just, while you’re here, Elle and I wanted to ask you something important.” 

Luke looked between them again. “With regards to…?”

“Erin.”

“Is there an official announcement you wish to make? I published the information after you were spotted walking with her, just as you asked.”

“No, this is something more personal,” Tom explained. Luke frowned. “Elle and I were discussing things with regards to Erin and we came to a particular matter and we decided there was no discussion to be had. Please know that if you say no, we will not get offended.” Luke nodded slightly. “We wished to ask you if you would be Erin’s Godfather.”

“What?” Luke looked between them, expecting one or both of them to declare it to be a joke of some kind. “Me?”

“Yes,” Tom confirmed. 

“Tom, I told you what my own mother said about me, I literally am the least ‘ child-friendly’ sort of person there is.” 

“You don’t dislike kids, you just aren’t used to being around them. When we went to Sudan, you were great with them. You are good with children, Luke.” Tom smiled. “I told you already, you are truly the greatest friend I have. Come anything I have...well, you chew my ass when it’s needed and you are always there, come rain or shine, and Elle agrees, you really are the first choice.”

“But your brothers-in-law, Ben…?”

“Luke, who was Tom’s choice for best man?” Danielle asked. Luke knew the answer, Tom had already asked him before everything changed. “You are one of the most level-headed and intelligent men I have ever had the good fortune to meet and you mean the world to Tom as a friend. Everything to do with Tom in general and when Tom and I…” Elle inhaled at the memories that came to mind. “From the first day that I met you and everything that followed, you have been a true friend and an honest one, when we spoke about this, no one else came to Tom’s mind and as soon as he mentioned your name to me, I agreed. You are the best choice, if only to have some semblance of a responsible male role model in our daughter’s life.”

Luke looked at Tom at those words. “She said those exact words to me when we discussed this first, they’re not new, or untrue.” He looked down at his daughter asleep against him. “If you are even able to give her a quarter of the good advice you have given me, she will be very fortunate.” 

Luke wanted nothing more than to point out that if Tom had even heeded half of the advice he gave, this would not be the situation it was now but remained silent on that particular matter. He wished more than anything that this had not happened, that Tom had not been so utterly stupid and ruined everything he had with Danielle for some form of validation his usually intelligent brain decided it wanted for stupid reasons, not just as the head of his PR which took a considerable hit on a personal level. Tom’s name as a “gentleman” was forever tarnished by the actions he took that obliterated his engagement to Danielle but after it was revealed that Danielle was pregnant and with people doing the calculations when they saw Tom and Elle out with the pram to realise she was indeed pregnant at the time of his terrible actions but that was nothing in comparison to everything suffered behind the public image. The night Luke went to check on Tom to find out he had drunk every form of spirit in his home until he passed out drunk, including the most of a bottle of whiskey in the despair of what he had done. Luke took all the other alcohol out of the house that day and tried to aid his friend through the suffering of his hangover and his actions after that. He had not seen much of Danielle bar the Baby-Shower and the photos that he had seen through everything online. Though it was clear she had not drank herself into any stupors, she had suffered through everything terribly as well. This was not something he ever wanted for either of them. He wished more than anything that it never happened, that the only controversy in everything was that Danielle had walked up the aisle to marry his friend with an obvious baby bump for all to see, which in the modern world was most certainly not a controversy. But it was not to be. He cleared his throat. “Well, I’m honoured...just make sure nothing ever happens to the two of you.”

Danielle and Tom both laughed at that comment. “Don’t worry, she will go to her Godmother in that worst-case scenario,” Danielle reassured him. “I already asked Emma and Jack. Well, ask is a little lenient with the truth I told her in no uncertain terms that if we snuff it, she’s getting another kid.” 

“Emma? Tom’s sister Emma?” Luke asked, wondering how both Godparents were being chosen from Tom’s side of things.”

“Yes, also my best friend and reason I didn’t leave England within two weeks of moving here and literally my rock from the very beginning, Emma.” Danielle laughed. “It was non-negotiable for me. So we chose the two most intelligent and true friends we could think of for this, meaning that Ben and Nacelle barely lost out to you two.”

“I’m honoured.” Luke’s voice was almost small as he spoke, looking at Erin asleep on her father’s chest. Without even thinking about it, he extended his finger and rubbed the back of her hand, Erin’s little hand grasping his finger in the process. 

Tom and Danielle smiling at the usually stoic Luke as he became more and more enamoured by his adorable goddaughter. When Tom looked over at Danielle, she nodded approvingly.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is the day of Tom looking after Erin by himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am finding it so hard to type recently, mentally, it's a little foggy, I think it's just all of this. 
> 
> Start of week 6 tomorrow. You just know it's going to be extended. I wish they'd stop bullshitting us all. 
> 
> Don't be stupid, my lovelies.

Tom inhaled deeply. “We can do this,” he repeated again to himself. 

Erin simply looked at her father and made a small noise. 

*  
Danielle had gone to work for the meetings as planned. She had assisted Tom with his paperwork for the US, ensuring everything was as it needed to be and permitted him the use of her fax machine to send over some of the paperwork to the US embassy and to the theatre in New York while he was at her home. On completion of his side of the deal, she entrusted their daughter to him alone for their first afternoon together. He double-checked the bottles in the fridge. He and Danielle had taken a few tries to get Erin to accept the silicon substitute for her mother. She was more than a little dubious of it at first, refusing point-blank to even consider the bottle, it was not until Tom and Danielle tricked her via getting Danielle to wear one of Tom’s shirts for a few hours after washing it in the washing detergent she used and specifically allowing some of her milk to leak onto it before getting Tom to wear it to get her to even consider accepting it. The smell, added to feeding Erin just after a long nap meaning she was hungry, tricked her into allowing the false teat. It took several attempts, but she finally accepted it but only when her mother was not offered to her instead. 

This led to Tom being able to feed their daughter. It was something he adored. He did not want to say it to Danielle since she insisted on feeding Erin from the breast, which he supported her entirely with but getting to be able to feed her was something he loved, being able to look Erin in the eye, something he read was recommended for both bottle and breastfed babies, as she ate made him feel even closer to her. 

“Now, let’s see how much of this one you finish,” He smiled, readying her next meal for her. Since they were still learning how much she was drinking since she usually just drank straight from Danielle meaning they were unsure how much to put in each bottle the first time they did it. Since then, they had been learning how much seemed to be normal for her, noting how she was hungrier at different times of day. He readied the bottle and prepared her as he would do when Danielle was feeding her before beginning the feed, ensuring that the milk was at a safe temperature before doing so, grateful that Emma had given them a bottle warmer she used after Lucy had refused to breastfeed once her teeth started coming in. 

Looking at the clock, he noticed that it had already been an hour since Danielle left. With Erin fed, he checked his phone to see that Danielle had messaged him to say she was after arriving to work safely and to see if Erin had behaved for him. Tom smiled at the message, knowing that this being the first time that Danielle was away from their daughter for more than a twenty-minute shower with a hair mask and some time for body creams and such to make herself feel better, he knew that Danielle was fretting slightly but her wording never suggested she did not trust Tom with their daughter, merely she was checking if Erin was behaving for him. He sent her a message back saying that Erin had all but finished a full bottle, commending her for getting the amount perfect so not to waste anything. That Erin was now relaxing on him and beginning to sleep. 

She answered his message with a smile emoji and nothing more. Looking at the time, he knew her meeting would be within the next half hour and even with her preparing at home, something she stated she was only able to do because of his great assistance with Erin and the dogs, but she would still need to liaise with a lot of her staff, including Mark on the matters that arose in her absence. He looked at Erin on his chest, her eyes closed and her lips slightly apart as she slept, he knew he should put her in her bassinette and do something more productive with his time but he decided to simply enjoy his time with his daughter instead and sat back. 

*

“Mark, could you get me that stapler, please? If you do that, I will arrange these meaning you and I won’t spend half of the afternoon trying to see if everyone is on the same page in a literal sense.” Danielle checked all the sheets of paper were in order before taking the stapler and doing as she had planned. “Thank you, you’re a lifesaver.” 

“How did you have time to juggle all of this and a newborn? Honestly, I have been swamped under since you left.” Mark watched as she did the same with the next pile with a speed that seemed nigh on inhuman. 

“You are the first to mock my oddness and meticulousness, it has its advantages behind it all,” Danielle smiled before putting the next four readied pieces onto the pile. “Plus, Tom has been looking after Erin to give me a chance to sort this instead.” 

Mark’s eyebrows rose to hear his boss speak of the man that had ruined so much of her life. He recalled when Danielle had emailed the office, her email nigh on a cryptic code to try and decipher stating she needed to take time off with immediate effect only to find out via social media a few days later that her fiance had been found to be cheating on her in the US and soon after, she announced to them that she would require time off for Maternity Leave later in the year. Anyone with a brain could calculate that she had been pregnant when everything had happened, leading the office to share looks of sympathy and awkward silence as her stomach increased in size over the few months. After the initial turmoil, they noticed, she seemed even more driven than before, as though adamant to show she was as able as before and pregnancy was not a reason to be lazy in a male-dominated field. Seeing her just weeks after Erin was born, instructing everything with as much focus as before, he could not hide how impressed he was. “Good to see he stepped up.”

“Whatever else that was going to happen, Tom would never shirk his duty as a father.” Danielle did not look up as she spoke, making her way through the work in front of her as she did so.

Mark refrained from saying aloud what he was thinking internally. He had not thought the man that had supported her through the IronMan would do such a thing as be unfaithful to her, but they had all been wrong. He liked working with Danielle, she never dodged the hard work and never expected anyone else to do something she would not do herself. She was fair and worked hard, ensuring she did the most of the paperwork and picked up the slack, she was a boss that worked, not one that expected others to work while she hid in the office. He respected her as a superior and a person, so he said nothing, though he wished that he could. 

The meeting began with a few, including the American contingent of the group, congratulating Danielle on the birth of Erin, polite mentions about her name and even a joke about showing up the guys who took longer to recover from slight on-set injuries as opposed to birthing a child. With that done, the meeting went ahead and Danielle focused as best she could. She had her phone in her pocket in case Tom needed her but she also knew he would endure as best he could, knowing that the meeting was incredibly important but also to prove he could tend to their daughter without her. That did not stop Danielle from worrying about Erin. She found it hard knowing she would not see her daughter for another few hours. When the meeting adjourned for lunch, Danielle told them she would meet them at the restaurant that they were having eating in, excusing herself and informing them that she would join them shortly before rushing into her office and locking the door, allowing her the privacy to express milk for Erin, her breasts beginning to sting from being overfull, having not fed her daughter since her initial feeding of the morning. As her pump worked, she rang Tom. 

“Hey.”

His whisper told her that Erin was asleep. “I am so sorry, is she…?”

“She’s fine, we’re getting on great. She took her bottle for lunch, a little fussing at first, then she realised Mummy was not going to give her lunch from the source so she got over it and took the bottle, she is just settling down now, she fought off her sleep valiantly but we did a little playtime with those foot sock puppet things Nacelle got her and she tired herself out, so she went off about five minutes ago so it is just me and the boys now. We will go for a trot around the usual route when I have lunch, that should bring us to Erin’s next feed and by the time we organise ourselves, you should be on the way back then.” 

Danielle smiled, though there was some sadness in her features too. “It sounds like you two are having a great day.” 

Tom noted the tone Danielle had. “Well, she misses her Mummy, there’s no denying it, but I told her that you were home soon, that you are just gone to rule the world and get the men you work with for a few hours before coming back.” 

Danielle could not help but huff a small chuckle. “She’ll learn to loathe my paperwork soon. I am going to up to about eighty-five per cent paperwork after this.” 

Tom remembered all the times he watched Danielle doing paperwork, wondering how much paperwork could one person possibly do, adding more seemed somewhat impossible. “What about fieldwork?”

“I need to be home for Erin, I will still have to do some but we were talking in the meeting, I will do more of the everyday boring work here and it will allow me to parent more.” 

Tom could hear something in her voice, something that though he knew she would be happy to be better able to parent their daughter, seemed like she was not entirely happy about. “That’s great. I am sure you can train her to do something to assist you with, or perhaps get one of those signature forging machines to try and save time.” 

Danielle laughed more at that. “I really should.” She sighed. “I need to finish pumping some milk here and meet the others for lunch then. We have some more to do for the afternoon but I should be back by six or half-past. Is that okay?”

“Take as long as you need to, we’re fine. I don’t want to be anywhere else, much less need to be. You said you needed to go to work today so I kept it entirely free. Just do what you need to, Elle.” 

 

“Thank you so much, Tom. Honestly, I am so grateful. This is hard enough. Being away from Erin is hell, I owe Emma an apology, I laughed when she went to that wedding and was fretting about Lucy but now I actually understand it.” 

“Well, I can’t CGI a velociraptor scene sadly but I can send a picture if you need it?”

“No, let her rest and spend some time doing stuff for yourself, don’t worry about me. I trust you.” 

Tom felt his throat tighten at her saying those words. With everything that happened, knowing that he utterly obliterated her trust in him, for her to say aloud that with regards their daughter, she felt she could trust him, that meant more to him than he could express. He felt his eyes well up at the thought. 

“I was thinking...Tom?”

“No, I’m here. You were thinking?” 

“Usually there’s an uh-oh when I say that. Anyway, I was thinking that I could get an Indian on the way back later if you’re interested? Have dinner with us, if you’re not busy.” 

“No, no.” He cleared his throat. “That would be great. If you want, I can order and not have you need to stop off?”

 

“Nah, I’ll grab it. Text me what you want and I will text you when I am just after ordering so that we can have everything ready.” 

“Perfect, see you then.”

“Okay...I guess I will talk to you later then.”

“Okay…”

Tom felt his stomach clench. The awkward ending of phonecalls were something he had not experienced in a long time with Danielle. The inability of either of them to bear being the one to hang up. He had missed them so much since everything that happened, the awkward silence was incredibly endearing. He never thought he would experience it again. “Elle…?”

“Yeah?” Then there was silence again. 

“I…” In truth, Tom had no idea what he planned to say, it was more the fact he wanted to let the moment last but when there was a knock on Elle’s front door and Mac let out a bark, he was forced to react as Erin began to be disturbed from her sleep. “I better go get that.”

“Okay, it’s probably a delivery, I ordered something for Erin, so it could be that.”

“Okay, I’ll check.”

“Bye Tom, and thank you.” 

Tom wanted to stay on the line, he hoped she would stay on but she hung up, when there was another knock, he was grateful that Mac had thought him to be adequately informed of the newcomer at the house. He opened it to see that sure enough, there was a DPD employee on the other side holding a bag from one of the clothing companies he knew Elle loved buying children’s clothes from for whichever child she felt she should spoil. He signed for it, thanked the delivery driver and took it before going back into the living area to see Mac sitting beside the bassinette, looking at him, he was about to call over the dog when he saw a little hand reach up. He contemplated doing nothing and just seeing if she would fall back asleep, but a moment later, she began to make some noise. He walked over and looked in, her gaze going to him. “What are you doing, Princess?” Hearing his voice, she kicked her legs excitedly, her little tongue sticking out as she did. He could never stop loving her expressive little face. “It’s no wonder your Mummy was so uncomfortable when you were in her belly, you are like someone doing Riverdance.” He picked her up and kissed the side of her head. “My beautiful girl.” He thought of Danielle’s call to him. How different it would be had he not ruined everything. He felt a horrible pang in his stomach. They would live in the new house he bought. Though Danielle had yet to see it, he knew she would love it. That she would have agreed to it. She would be gone to work for the day and that night, they would all be asleep in the same room, he would be so much more involved. He dreamt of it more than once, rising from the bed on Erin waking and getting her ready for Elle as she forced herself to wake up, winding their daughter and yawning before getting back into the bed, telling Elle he loved her as she curled back to sleep on his chest until the next feeding. “I’m sorry, Erin. I am so sorry I ruined everything. Please don’t hate me for it when you’re older. I was wrong. I was so so wrong.” 

Erin stayed curled in against her father, unaware of his words as Tom wept for the life he cost himself, his daughter and Danielle. 

*

Danielle walked up the steps, noting the cold autumnal feel to the air as she did so. She got to the door to see Tom waiting with a smile. “Do you need a hand?”

Danielle let him take some of the bags from her hands, the ones containing their dinner as she took in the others. For a moment, she almost leant up to give him a kiss, something ingrained in her mind from the many times she had done it when they were together before pulling herself back and trying to act as though she did not almost do that. 

Tom gave no indication that he noticed her error. “I hope you don’t mind, Erin is asleep with about half an hour so I put her upstairs so we could eat in peace before you refuse to leave go of her for the night.” He explained, pointing to the baby monitor that was on as Danielle looked at Mac, who was lying down at the base of the stairs by the baby gate. 

“I want to rush up and wake her but lunch was just soup and sandwiches and I am starved so I need to eat to feed her.” Danielle put the expressed milk from her cooler bag into the freezer for when Erin would need it in the future before grabbing plates and readying to eat. “I got a tonne of presents for her today.” She indicated to the bags, I didn’t even get a chance to look at them, it’s been balls to the wall.” 

Tom chuckled at the expression getting his food out of the container. “How did you find it, being back in the office?”

“I realised how much I missed it and how much I don’t want to go back,” She confessed. “I love being home with Erin and I don’t want to leave her but I miss running things, though it won’t be the same when I go back.” She frowned. 

“What?” Danielle looked at Tom confused. “I noticed your tone changed earlier when you mentioned work and you’re unhappy now. What’s changed?”

“I am going to miss being in the field. I...It was my favourite part but with the travel needed, I have to leave most of it behind. I accepted that when I chose to have Erin but...part of me is really heartbroken to say goodbye to it too. I don’t want to be a part-time mother, leaving her with a nanny and go to New York for three weeks but at the same time, I really will miss it.” 

 

Tom felt her words were a slight stab at him, with her mentioning New York specifically. “I know, I hate having agreed to the Loki series and the New York leg.” 

“We didn’t know then.” 

“I really don’t know what I am going to do when I am gone.” His upset at the thought became obvious. “She will forget me.” 

“She won’t, she will see you all the time. We’ll make sure of it.” Danielle placed her hand on his, trying to calm him. “We’ll get both of you through this.”

Tom wiped his tears away and inhaled deeply. “I was supposed to be helping you deal with your conflict, yet you seem to be dealing with mine.” He chuckled. 

Danielle smiled back. “It’s sort of what we have to do through this, for her and for us. How was your first Father/Daughter afternoon?”

“Good, we got a small walk. We were spotted, so needless to say, that was fun.”

“Fans or…” His face told her. “So, are you after stealing her? Am I an unfit mother or was I just a womb for hire to you?” She scoffed. 

“Fuck knows,” Tom smiled at seeing how she took it. “I made sure we were not spotted coming back here though.”

“Thank you, I don’t want to be bothered here. Not to mention, the times you stay the night, they’d love to fatten on that too.” 

Tom nodded as he ate his food. He forgot himself for a moment and stole some of Danielle’s food from her container before pausing halfway through chewing it. “I’m so sorry.” 

Danielle laughed. “I think I’ll manage. You know I rarely finish these things.” She looked at his food and stole a piece of chicken. “Now, we’re even.” She smiled before popping it into her mouth. 

*

As soon as Erin smelled her mother, she fussed for the breast. Danielle had to juggle getting into the chair with opening her workshirt before Erin latched, not even giving her time to adjust herself. “I missed you so much. Did you have a good time with Daddy?” Erin hit her breast as she suckled. “I heard that he read to you, tell him none of that Hamlet nonsense.” 

“I heard that.” Tom watched their daughter feed. He loved watching her do so. 

“I didn’t exactly whisper it.” 

“Don’t have our daughter dislike Shakespeare.” 

“I never dismissed the Bard, just that play.” She looked at Erin as she spoke. “She’s actually getting bigger.” 

“Good, we want her to.” Tom smiled in return. 

“I know, but I also want her to stay this small and cute.” 

Tom could not argue that. “Would you mind if I stayed tonight?” Danielle looked over at him. “I just...with going so soon.”

“No, it’s fine. You know where the spare room is. I won’t ever stop you being here. I meant what I said, Tom, I want you to be part of her life. I want you to have half everything with her. She has to be around me for food but that then means that to be fair, you should be here too.”

Tom gave her a grateful smile. “I don’t want to leave her. I also like being able to help you. I wish I could do some more. Maybe when you are working in time to come. I can take her and allow you more sets.” 

“Maybe, when you get back from the US. You could decide to stay in...where are you filming Loki?” 

“Atlanta.” Tom shook his head. “Not for me.”

“No, more chance of New York.”

 

“No chance. My daughter is here, my family is here.” He looked at the dogs who were at Danielle’s feet. “I will never leave you all.” 

 

His words did not escape Danielle’s notice.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom has to go to the US for the play, something he truly wishes he did not have to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this a few days ago and finally got around to publishing it. It was one chapter, this and the next one but it was 6,000 words long so I cut it in two, but at least that means there is more for the near future.

Tom wept holding his daughter against him. “Erin…” He didn’t want to leave her, he didn’t want to leave. If everything had not been ruined, he would be able to convince Danielle to go to New York with him for a time and he would have his family with him, rather than be half a world away. For so long, New York seemed to be in the far off future, now it was breathing down on them. He got the confirmation of everything he needed to travel and work there and after that, everything seemed to speed up after that. Tears began to well in his eyes as he thought of what was to come. 

*

Danielle and Tom spent a considerable amount of time together as a result of him being around to spend what time he could with Erin. In that time, they had a slight disagreement but there were no dirty comments on the past, no threats to not allow Tom over to spend time with Erin, he came over and stayed the night but both of them not being overly talkative for a while before Danielle began to speak with him again as they used to after an argument when they were together. Tom took the olive branch immediately, relieved that they could disagree without it turning to the errors of old. The argument when Danielle was heavily pregnant and in pain played in his mind through the current situation but nothing of the sort happened.

“I need to give her a bath.” Tom turned to look at Danielle. “She had a messy nappy earlier, I need to get her cleaned. She hasn’t had one in a few days.” 

 

“I’ll do it.” 

“Okay. I will get everything ready, you strip her down when I tell you it’s done.” She gave him a sad smile, knowing he was not dealing with having to say goodbye very well, not that she could blame him. The longest she had been away from Erin since she was born was the few occasions that she had been to the office for a few hours and to get some air just with the dogs or some shopping, nothing notable, this was four months, for four months Tom would be on the other side of the Atlantic to his daughter. 

Tom gently began to take off her onesie and then her vest, leaving Erin in her nappy before going up the stairs carefully. He could hear the water pouring into the small baby bath that Elle had for their daughter. When he got to the bathroom, he watched as Danielle checked the water was safe for Erin. 

“Give it a second, it’s just a little warm still, why don’t...oh, you have her undressed.” She smiled as she noticed Tom was holding Erin against him with a blanket on her but no clothing. “We’ll sort her clothes for after while we’re waiting.” She walked into the bedroom and went over to the chest of drawers while Tom stood at the door. “Come in, excuse the mess.” 

Tom had only been in the bedroom three times since Danielle moved in, all three times were to retrieve Erin, which he did swiftly and in the dark so he was not even fully aware of how the room looked. Cautiously, he walked in and could not help looking around as he did. It was slightly messy, not like Danielle used to have their room but with a baby, it was cluttered. There was one closet and a small chest of drawers. By way of furniture, it was not overly abundant. Most things were to do with Erin with very little to do with Danielle. The bed was a tad worn, Tom realised it was actually the one from Suffolk, her bedlinen to the same side as she always took. He looked at the bedside locker, it had her old clock from there also and the lamp but was bare of the ever-present norm he was used to her having for so long, a book. There was nothing by way of reading material there, leading him to note that he had not seen her books anywhere bar a few on dealing with the first few months of a child’s life. There were no books anywhere in the house actually. Considering she rivalled him for her love of books yet he could see none, he thought it very odd. He watched as she got out some of Erin’s clothes. Usually, she had some available downstairs if she required them so Tom never knew where the mountain of clothes that friends and family bought were. She put them on the bed and readied them for after the bath along with other items needed, including the tiny nail clippers and cream, clearly indicating that Danielle planned to pamper Erin and not merely wash her. When Tom turned around to look at her, Danielle was looking at him expectantly. “Sorry?”

“I said her water is ready.” Her voice was calm and relaxed. “You go give her a bath and I will make this place look less of a pigsty.”

“It’s fine, it’s not that bad.”

“Tom, you know me well enough to know that this is chaos in my mind. I just don’t have enough hours.” 

“What day are you going back to work?”

“Well, I am mostly on paperwork duty so I will be able to do most of it here. I need to sort a childminder of sorts, I was hoping to get an au pair but I am not sure that will work, I don’t like someone invading my space so much, the more I think about it, the more ill-at-ease I am with it, so I will probably scratch that. I have a meeting on the first of September, so your Mam is taking her that day and another on the fifteenth, so Emma is taking her then. Nacelle and Becks are going to help, as are Ben and Sophie, or should I say Sophie and Ben contemplating self-castration for fear of another one.” Tom chuckled at that, knowing that Ben was less than happy with Sophie’s comments on another baby while pointing out the pros of having older children and how babies were more work on more than one occasion. “So I will be home a lot more than I thought, which, so long as I get the work done, seems to be okay. My life is conference calls these days but I am used to it from conferencing with the US offices anyway.” 

Tom felt an incredible pang of jealousy. Danielle would be home the most of the time with Erin, he would not even get to hold her. He wished more than anything he did not have to go to the US. He hated it so much even though Broadway had been something he had yearned for since he went on stage. The West End and Broadway, the signs you were something in the theatre world and he hated the thought of it now with Erin and Danielle in London. 

Seeing him focusing on something negative, Danielle gently cleared her throat to catch his attention again, knowing that if he got overly upset, so would Erin. “You better get her in there before she dozes off, she won’t appreciate the wake-up call otherwise.”

“Yes, of course.” Tom went into the bathroom with Erin and took off her nappy before placing her in her little bath. Tom looked at Erin as she frowned indignantly at being bathed. For a moment, she contemplated crying as he placed her in the water but with the feeling of something behind her again, she became less scared. “It’s okay, Princess, Daddy has you.” Erin looked at her father with keen interest. At her age, she was able to focus on faces, which Tom noted was entirely true with Erin, she seemed to focus on him with the same sharp eye her mother had. “I hear you made a mess today, what was that about?” She stuck out her tongue and kicked her legs. Tom could only laugh. “I am going to miss you so much.” The tears came to his eyes again. “I’m so sorry. I would never have agreed to this if I had known you would be here.” 

For several minutes, he cleaned Erin’s skin with soft rubs of her baby sponge before getting her towel and safely transferring her from the bath into it and against him. When he returned to the bedroom, Danielle had sorted some of the place, not too much but the bed was made enough for him to place Erin on it and begin drying her. 

“What time is your flight?”

“Half seven.” Tom looked sadly down at his daughter, in less than twelve short hours, he would not even be on the same continent as her any more. “Elle…?”

Danielle gave him a sad look and nodded. “I know.” 

“How am I supposed to go every day without seeing her?” That started his crying. “I haven’t gone longer than a few hours without her since she was born, now I won’t see her for months, she won’t know who I am.” 

Erin was unaware of what was causing her father’s turmoil but she whimpered at the stressed atmosphere in the room. Danielle came over and gently tried to comfort Tom by taking his hand. “Tom…” She nudged him into looking at her. “I know this is hard on you and I know that if this was elective you would never consider doing it but we are both professional people and I want Erin to see that as a good trait in a person, so do you. It’s something you always say about your parents and your work ethic is commendable to a fault, we want her to have such an ethic too, we agreed on this.” Tom nodded slightly. “You are an incredible father and you love her so much, no one could ever doubt it. I knew you would be and she will know it too when she is older. We will have her see you as often as possible and I will always do everything I can to ensure you get to video call her, within reason, obviously. Just because you’re awake at midnight in the US does not guarantee I’ll be up here at five in the morning.” 

“Thank you.” Tom looked at Danielle, whose sincerity was blatant. “I am going to miss this too much.”

“Of course, I don’t blame you. We have been able to make a little routine for ourselves here, the three of us and the dogs, no one bothering us, raising Erin how we feel is right, it’s hard to think it is changing. I am so grateful to you, Tom. For everything you have done to make this easier. I would not have been able to do it without you.” 

“You were prepared to, though.” 

“Yes, because I made the decision to but seeing how hard it is, juggling everything and Erin, I would not have succeeded if you had not been so willing to roll up your sleeves and help and I am so thankful for such.” She squeezed his hand gently again at that. 

Tom looked at her hand on his and gave a small smile. After everything, he thought he would be lucky if she would even stand in the same room as him again, yet she had gone above and beyond that. Many of those closest to him had commented on such, not that he had needed them to, he knew himself that Danielle had pushed through some of her own pain from everything he did for the relationship between him and Erin. She wanted Erin to have as stable an upbringing as possible, even if it meant having to do things she did not overly wish to do. He braved turning his hand over so that they were palm to palm and gently squeezed her hand back. “Thank you, for letting me be so involved. I didn’t deserve it.”

“Whatever about what happened with us, Erin negates that. She needs her parents. Come what may, we need to be there for her.” She leant forward slightly, smiling. “That includes right now to dress her.” 

Tom glanced down at his daughter who was looking at them both as if to ask why her spa treatment had not begun. He smiled at her, his eyes blurred with his tears. “I am so sorry, Sweetheart, Daddy will right this immediately.” He gently played with the corner of the towel she was wrapped in, tickling her toes with it as he turned around and got the prepared nappy and put it on her before she accidentally soiled herself. After that, he gently rubbed the cream onto her skin, slowly and softly so not to hurt her. “How is that?” Erin looked at him throughout. He then dressed her in her vest, making sure to not hurt her neck as he dressed her into the fresh onesie, ensuring that he dried the little bit of hair she had after he did so. “Perfect.” He brought her up to his chest where she began to nestle. 

“I don’t know what I am going to do without that guaranteed fail-safe in your absence.” He looked over at Danielle. “She loves doing that with you, she won’t do it with me. I am the wrong shape and she tends to focus on the smell of milk, but with you…”

“Will she still want it when I get back?” Tom worried about that, he loved his connection to her. 

“I don’t even want to pretend to know.” Danielle could not lie. “We can only see.” Tom looked down at Erin again. 

Seeing him sit on the bed where she slept made Danielle slightly uncomfortable. This was something she never envisioned happening between her and Tom again, being in such an intimate setting. She didn’t like to see him look around her room yet she had invited him in. “What time...when do you plan to…?”

“I don’t know.” Tom knew what she was asking. He had asked himself several times that afternoon and he could not bring himself to decide when. “I guess as close to time as is humanly possible.” 

“What time is your taxi?”

“Half five.” Tom loathed the thought of it. “I can’t…”

“Have you eaten?” Danielle knew the answer, he had been there since four o’clock, three and a half hours later, he still had eaten nothing. Tom shook his head. “I think you should go back to yours.” Tom looked at her shocked. “Do you have everything ready?”

“It’s all by the door, everything except my door key and phone charger.” 

“Right…” Danielle thought for a moment. “If you want, you can stay here, if you go back now, grab what you need and get the taxi to collect you here instead and go from here?” 

“I took the underground, I would...it’d take too long.” Tom felt a terrible pang in his stomach, he’d love to do that but he couldn’t, he’d return at half ten at the rate it would take to do everything.

“You can say no, I won’t be offended.”

“No, Elle, no.” His eyes welled up. “I want to, so much, but it will be too long.”

Danielle nodded for a moment before going over to the dresser and getting a little outfit out. “Bring the boys out to the bathroom, I’ll get her ready.”

Tom was unsure of her plan. “Ready?”

“Just get the boys to go to the bathroom,” She ordered. 

Tom left the room and did as instructed. He walked up the steps to see Danielle waiting by the door, Erin in her car seat, dressed warmly. “Come on.” 

“Where…?”

“Have you got your house keys?”

“Yes?” 

“Then you direct, I drive, come on.” She slowly went down the steps, holding the car seat tightly, Tom closed the front door and followed, worrying that Elle would accidentally slip and risk herself or their daughter. 

Danielle clipped in the car seat before getting in the driver’s side, Tom looking at her sheepishly from the passenger one. “So, where am I heading?” He looked at her blankly. “I have never been to your new house, so where is it?” 

“Right, you head to the Heath.”

 

“Okay.” She turned on the car and began to drive.


End file.
